I agree Palin. When is enough enough? Sarah Palin’s existence is no longer funny, it’s annoying. First off, it’s Family Guy. They’re inappropriate with everyone. Hell, remember South Park and the “snuke” episode with Hilary Clinton? I don’t remember any woman’s groups being invited on Fox News to discuss that. Let it go. These adult humor shows are SATIRE and raunchy.
The second part, where Palin tried to explain why she didn’t come down hard on Limbaugh but on Rahm just showed why this woman is an idiot. Bill O’Reilly, who I admit has been far better as of late, still treated her with kids gloves. He saw she was struggling trying to explain her hypocrisy which is why he asked her to explain twice. Again, I’ll say it again. Trig Palin = not retarded. Sarah Palin = retarded.
Topics for the show:
2 snow storms in a week?
Lil Wayne goes to jail…or not
John Mayer stirs up trouble
Tom Tancredo suggests a civics literacy test
Sarah Palin reads off her hand
Also, I’ve been playing music from Jaxx’s “Death of Jay Titty” mixtape. Download the mixtape from here.
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Yes I know. “Robert Gibbs shouldn’t lower the Office of the President with jokes like this.” That’s true. However it’s also true that the media should stop acting like Sarah Palin is a legitimate politician. She’s a living, breathing punchline. She wrote basic talking points on her hand so she wouldn’t forget during a Q & A. She’s not credible. Even the most hardened political analysis would tell you this. The key to elections is Independents and right now, Sarah Palin doesn’t win them. Sure, she gets a few Tea Party “Independents” but those are people who supported and voted for her in 2008. I find Gibbs’ joke hilarious. It’s no different than if he had thrown a shot at Stephen Colbert or Jon Stewart because like Sarah Palin, they are comedians.
You gotta give it to the Fox & Friends crew, they have an answer for everything…no matter how retarded (yes Palin…I said RETARDED) that answer is. Two points:
1. What the President did at that Q & A session with House Republicans (Fox cut away from it so I’m not surprised if these idiots missed it) was “talking off the cuff”. Lost in this whole “Palm-gate” thing is that Palin read her speech off a piece of paper (not off the cuff) and then needed cliff notes of buzzwords written on her hand to get through the Q & A part
2. The fact that her “notes” were just “buzzwords” is the far more disturbing part. You can hear it in her answers. There are reports she knew the questions ahead of time which fits with her generic buzzword answers. I said it yesterday, I’ll say it again. Sarah Palin is a joke for this reason. Until she actually delves into policy and being able to defend them past just saying buzzwords, she won’t win Independents and she won’t be a threat. Show me evidence otherwise.
I had a discussion earlier this morning about the viability of Sarah Palin as a serious 2012 Presidential candidate. It’s no secret that I believe she stands about as much chance at winning the Republican nomination (much less actually beating President Obama) as Betty White did running that slant pattern in that Snickers Superbowl Commercial. Sarah Palin is an idiot. People that support her, are idiots. Yes, idiots can vote but so do people who believe in UFO’s and wear tin-foil hats. The fact is that while idiots do vote, the number of idiots that support Sarah Palin are vastly outnumbered by even the idiots that would vote for Ronald Reagan’s corpse. It is amazing to me in a time when three Republican women are running for high profile offices, people are talking about this moron with no political chance. It’s actually quite tragic and in a way almost sexist. Alan Keyes, Ron Paul and other nut case conservative guys don’t get the same coverage as Palin. They all appeal to and attract the same small minority in this country. A part of me thinks it’s an attempt to keep viable republican women out of the spot light. But I digress…
Let’s start with some reasons why Sarah Palin doesn’t stand a chance:
Being Loud Doesn’t Equal Being a Threat
I think people have short term memories. Sarah Palin drew crowds when she was announced as John McCain’s running mate. She had one of the highest rated (in terms of viewers) Convention speeches ever. She drew more people to rallies than John McCain and he was at the top of the ticket. Yet McCain/Palin got their electoral asses whooped. Americans love watching train wrecks and Sarah Palin is the biggest one we have. I concede the fact that Sarah Palin attracts a part of the Republican base. The issue is, how big is that base. Most of the people she attracts are the same ones who think President Obama is some one-man Muslim sleeper cell. I’d be interested in seeing a breakdown geographically of where most of these Tea Party people come from. If they come from Red States, the the truth is…Sarah Palin’s base is only in places where she should already do well. Most educated Republicans/Conservatives think Sarah Palin is an idiot and wouldn’t vote for her. Towards the end of the 2008 campaign several of them broke ranks and expressed just how ridiculous it was that Palin could possibly be Vice President. Considering Sarah Palin has shown absolutely zero political maturity since then, barring a complete 180, these same moderate Republicans aren’t going to support Palin in 2012. That means you have Democrats, moderate Republicans and some Independents versus Republicans who think Sarah Palin is good for America. The numbers just don’t add up for Palin.
She’s a One-Trick Pony
I touched on this above but I’ll say it again. Sarah Palin hasn’t grown as a political candidate since John McCain introduced her in September of 2008. The only thing she’s shown is that she can consistently string together talking points in a speech. She can’t break them down policy-wise and give solutions. Nope. That’s still beyond her abilities. She didn’t follow the advice of seasoned political advisers who suggested she take 6 months, do a “Policy Bootcamp” and come back on the scene. Nope. She didn’t do that. The Sarah Palin of 2010 is the same 2008 Sarah Palin ( except now she’s a quitter). So if Palin is the same, then her base is the same. Her base in 2008 wasn’t enough to win an election, how the hell can she do it in 2012? There aren’t any new “Sarah Palin fans”. People who voted for Barack Obama in 2008 might not be thrilled with his first year but they haven’t jumped all the way over to supporting Sarah Palin. The Presidency isn’t based off of who can be the loudest (Or we’d have President Kerry right now to be honest). You need more than a rabid base. You need substance. Sarah Palin doesn’t have it.
She’s Not George W. Bush
I can admit, citing “Because she’s an idiot” is an oversimplified reason for why Sarah Palin doesn’t have a chance. I mean George W. Bush was an idiot and he got 2 terms, is it really that far fetched to believe Sarah Palin could go the same route? The answer is….YES. I’m about to do something that I’ve never done before and I’m going to defend George W. Bush. Sure, compared to President Obama, President Bush is that slacker that sits in the back of the college classroom on daddy’s dime getting “Gentlemen’s C’s”. But regardless of how he got there or how well he did, Bush went to Yale which is a far cry from the 4 -5 schools Sarah Palin bounced around in. Not only does this differentiate the two education wise but also with their connections with powerful players that ANYONE running for a President would need to have. Bush also got to where he is because his father was President. That means Bush Jr. had access to people that already knew how to run a national campaign and how to manipulate local support into a national movement. Palin DOES NOT have this. The people she had helping her as a potential VP candidate in 2008 were not her own. They were McCain’s people and after the election most if not all of them abandoned her. This has been underplayed in the media, Palin is a ratings machine for the media so of course they don’t talk about it, but Palin is on her own. She cannot launch a National campaign on that at all. Todd Palin is probably her chief political adviser and that’s just a disaster waiting to happen. The final thing that separates George W. Bush from Sarah Palin? Bush was a successful, popular, 2-term Governor of the second largest state in the country. Palin on the other hand, was the half term Governor of one of the small states in the country and her poll numbers plummeted after she started gaining national recognition. Not only did she only serve half a term but she QUIT on her responsibilities. That alone basically ensures she doesn’t get out of the Republican primary.
She’s a Quitter and a Whiner
Again, I mentioned this before but I feel it needed to be mentioned again. This goes beyond Sarah Palin quitting on the people of Alaska. That alone is bad enough to keep her out of serious contention in 2012, but it’s more than that. Read the accounts of McCain staffers (most of which is confirmed by actual emails from Palin). Palin throws temper tantrums like a little child when things don’t go her way. She’s that kid that picks up the ball and goes home because the other kids didn’t pass her the ball enough. Most of her speeches don’t allow media coverage because she doesn’t want to deal with being held accountable for what she says. She only goes on Fox News or Oprah. Sorry but that doesn’t cut it. If she runs for President, she won’t be able to quit. She won’t be able to deny media access to her events. Right now Palin hasn’t shown the ability to approach politics as a serious endeavor. Instead she treats it like a pop star treats the paparazzi.
The Rudy Giuliani Effect
Last but not least, Palin faces what I’ve dubbed “The Giuliani Effect”. Rudy is loved by Conservatives, well known across the country….and got his ass whooped in the republican primaries last time. Why? Because while republicans did like him…most realized he had absolutely no substance outside of 9/11. While I talk about how idiots are overrunning this country, I must say that politics still has a little bit of self correcting abilities left. People are stupid but they aren’t THAT stupid. Most of the time when it comes to election day, the voter simply asks themselves “Who is going to make my life better?” Sure, some people will vote for Palin just because shes a republican or because she’s a woman…but the same can be said about the other side as well. Those two groups cancel each other out. Most people though, ask themselves seriously who will be better for their lives. People might not be thrilled with President Obama but is that enough to make them go to a woman who brings absolutely nothing to the table? Moderate Republicans and Independents want more than one-word answers or buzzwords like “Freedom”, “Drill Here Drill Now” and“Protect America”. They want real solutions. Sarah Palin offers none of her own. This is not my opinion, that is just fact. Sure, like Rudy Giuliani it makes for feisty and confrontational speeches that the media likes to cover, but in the end, there’s nothing for the majority of voters to latch onto. Also like Giuliani, Palin also only goes to friendly locations with her message. A Tea Party Convention in Tennessee and campaigning for Rick Perry in Texas isn’t exactly winning over new voters for Palin. When she polls well with independents in Iowa, then we can talk. Otherwise, she’s the female version of Rudy Giuliani. An attack dog on a very short leash.
I understand the saying goes “Never underestimate your opponent” and while that makes for a great phrase on fortune cookies, the political truth is…you can’t feed the frenzy of the nutcases. Some (emphasis on SOME) of the concerns of the Tea Party movement are valid. But Sarah Palin cannot articulate any of their concerns into legitimate policy changes. She simply does not have the knowledge or the political skill to do so. One line zingers and talking points can only take person so far (Again, see Rudy Guiliani for proof). Conservatives tolerate her now because she can generate them money but you better believe that if she tried to run a national race they’d shut her down in a heart beat. And if she somehow managed to get past them…she’d still have to go one-on-one with the president and I’m sorry, she stands no chance. The President will prepare for whoever the Republican nominee is. If it’s Sarah Palin, due to her lack of insight on any major policy issue, the majority of this country will vote for a second term for President Obama. I’m sorry but there’s no convincing me otherwise. She doesn’t have the votes and she never will.
I didn’t watch Palin’s “Keynote” speech at the Tea Party National Convention. She’s not a credible politician and the people at this convention aren’t credible logical people. So the whole event wasn’t worth it. I mean, it’s Sarah Palin, I already knew to expect some level of fuckery. But the fuckery that actually occurred was far greater than anything I could ever imagine. When I heard on Twitter that Palin was caught reading notes off her hand during the Q & A part, I thought maybe some Liberals were reaching. But then I saw the video.
My God…this woman really did it. She really had to read notes off her hand to make sure she covered her talking points. What was on her hand?
*Face Palm* I don’t know what’s worse. That Palin needed Cliff Notes to remember the buzzwords “Energy”, “Tax” and “Lift American Spirits” or that just before that,during her speech, she poked fun at the President for using a teleprompter.
This is just sad. Can this finally be the death knell for this woman and her political aspirations? I mean she was a joke VP candidate, a Governor who quit because the job got too hard and she speaks basically as a human talking point machine. I wish the media would just let her career die and stop giving her a platform to speak. I mean come on. Using Cliff Notes at a Tea Party convention is like running a race against your 90 year old grandmother and then having to cheat to win. I guess it’s what “Real Americans” do….cheat.
Well it’s about to be the end of 2009 and the beginning of a new decade. Since last year this site has come a long way. We have new subscribers for the podcast (we’re back on iTunes), readers of the website have increased significantly and I’ve spread my brand of insanity to Twitter as well. I owe all the fun and success I’ve had with The Insanity Report to all of you all that support me (I’m tearing up here). Thanks and I look forward to 2010 being even better…and by better, I mean crazier.
So without further ado, I give you the 2009 End of the Year WTF Awards.
Word of the Year “Injudicious” Injudicious
in·ju·di·cious adj.
Lacking or showing a lack of judgment or discretion; unwise.
I was thinking long and hard what would the word of the year be. This was probably the hardest part of this entire write up. I mean there are so many words that could encompass this year. But I think Injudicious is the winner. Lack of judgment? Yeah, that’s a good description of 2009. There was Method Man getting his car repossessed because he got too high to remember to pay his bills. Lil Wayne and all the women he slept with who thought using condoms was optional. Sticking with Lil Wayne, there was also that idiotic song where he has “Whip it like a slave” as the hook. How about the man who called 911 over his orange juice? Then what about all the politicians that did dumb things after the election of Barack Obama? Michael Steele doing the Heisman on Morning Joe. Like the mayor who sent out the White House watermelon patch email? The media got in on the action with The NY Post decision to link a monkey attack with the stimulus plan. Wolf Blitzer and the rest of the media’s brain dead following of Richard Heene and his made up “My son got carried away by a balloon that looks like a jiffypop. Even the President himself got a little caught up in this when, while I understood what he was saying, started a national debate when he said the Cambridge police acted “stupidly” for arresting Professor Henry Gates for “breaking into” his own home. And when you read some of this year’s recipients, yeah…I think injudicious sums up 2009 nicely.
Loser of the Year Jim Cramer
Jim Cramer stayed losing like a one-legged fat kid in a dodgeball game. First he made the mistake of going on The Daily Show thinking Jon Stewart was “just a comedian” and in turn got himself embarrassed for almost 30 straight minutes. Then Lenny Dyskstra went broke, which you would think didn’t really have anything to do with Jim Cramer…..except last year Cramer was telling people Lenny Dyskstra, the man who looks like he doesn’t know what day it is, was a financial genius. And then finally, at the end of the year, Cramer was begging people to buy into CitiGroup…that it was going to be strong buy…only to have CitiGroup’s stock offering go so poor they decided to hold off on selling its stock. Of course Cramer always has an excuse for what he “really meant.” Bottom line, if you’re listening to Jim Cramer for stock advice, just get all the money you planned on investing and burn it in your backyard. At least the fire will keep you warm for a bit.
Person of the Year Orly Taitz
Seriously folks, imagine how boring 2009 would have been without Orly Taitz. I mean sure, we had death panels, Rush Limbaugh, Sarah Palin, Glenn Beck, people bring guns to Health Care Rallies, Tea Party protesters and a whole slew of other crazy folks but really, was there any group that represented the truly insane nature of 2009 better than the “birthers.” To make it even better, God gave us the gift of Orly Taitz as the face of the birther movement. I mean, you can’t have someone who looks and acts normal as the face of a group of people that think Obama is a Nigerian born Muslim sleeper cell who has been conspiring to be President since he was in his mother’s womb. No, you need someone with a mid-80’s jewish woman hairdo and look, a high pitched voice and the mannerisms of person so high on meth Gary Busey couldn’t hang. Taitz is a lawyer AND a dentist. That alone has me thinking of all kinds of crazy scenarios. Like she gives herself a root canal and then sues herself for malpractice. And don’t put it past her. Orly Taitz is a certified nutcase. Honestly, best case scenario is that Taitz is addicted to nitrous oxide and that she huffs some before every interview or court case she does. Taitz is so crazy that other birthers, who are undoubtedly insane in their own right, thought she was bat shit insane. Some of the birthers she represented in her lawsuits thought she was so crazy that they asked her to be removed as council. But the absolutely best moment (which solidified her as Person of the Year for me) was when she appeared on MSNBC with Tamron Hall and David Shuster. You almost feel bad for her….almost. And like herpes, she just won’t go away either. Just when you thought, with all her lawsuits dismissed and being chastised by clients AND judges, we’d be able to get out of 2009 without hearing from Orly, what do we get blessed with? An 11-page love letter from a former client/lover/fellow nut case to her. Seriously, I hope Orly donates her brain to science when she dies because this kind of crazy has to be studied in a lab.
Comeback Kid Brett Favre
It pains me to do it because I loathe this man, but compared to what he was last season its like his fairy God mother showed up at midnight one night with a box full of accuracy and wand full “NotSuck”. Now I will say I believe having the human Tecmobowl player Adrian Peterson as your running back does take a lot of pressure off of a QB. But for now, Favre has made a successful comeback. But don’t expect it to last too long. Soon the clock will strike 12 and Favre will go back to the human turnover machine we’ve all come to expect.
“How the Fuck Did They Get Elected” Award Michele Bachmann Bachmann is such a nutcase that when you start to watch her speak, its as if you got transported to the dining table with the Mad Hatter in Wonderland. Listening to some of the things that come out of this woman’s mouth, you have to start wondering what the demography is for her district in Minnesota. I’m betting they run low on Reynolds Wrap constantly. Since going over all of Michele Bachmann’s craziness for 2009 would be so extensive it would need its own post, I’m just going to focus on my two favorite ones. First there were her claims about Obama trying to indoctrinate our kids. See, the President had this crazy and underhanded idea to require our kids to have to do community service before they could graduate high school. Well, republicans don’t like mandates…hence why we have the Patriot Act and warrantless wiretapping…cause civil liberties aren’t really requirements. According to Bachmann, requiring community service is Obama’s way of starting our kids down the slippery slope of socialism indoctrination. I can see that. Socialism…social work…see, its basically the same thing. First you have kids picking up trash, next thing you know they’re calling each other “comrade.” But Bachmann’s crowning jewel was her claim of Sex clinics and abortion field trips. No people, I can’t even make this shit up. Don’t take my words for it…read Michele Bachmann’s words yourself:
The bill goes on to say what’s going to go on — comprehensive primary health services, physicals, treatment of minor acute medical conditions, referrals to follow-up for specialty care — is that abortion? Does that mean that someone’s 13 year-old daughter could walk into a sex clinic, have a pregnancy test done, be taken away to the local Planned Parenthood abortion clinic, have their abortion, be back and go home on the school bus that night? Mom and dad are never the wiser.
Still don’t believe it? Then fine…watch her say it.
Did you see that? She seamlessly transitioned from physicals and “minor acute medical conditions” to somehow abortions. I don’t even know how one could even begin to come to the conclusion she did even if they downed a whole bottle of 100 Proof Captain Morgan and then did a line of coke. I mean I know we’re all a little crazy, but there’s something hilariously unsettling about watching Bachmann spew her craziness on the floor of the House.
Runner Up – Arnold Schwarzenegger
It sometimes makes me wonder just how shitty Gray Davis was that Californians were so disgusted that they willingly and knowingly elected Conan the Barbarian as their Governor. Sure Minnesota has elected Michele Bachmann and Jesse ‘The Body Ventura’ but they redeemed themselves with Al Franken because Stuart Smalley has turned out to be one heck of a Senator. But Schwarzenegger Cali? Really? The Terminator as your savior only works if your name is John Connor and this is the sequel. In the middle of a financial crisis Californians elected him and 4 years later can we really be shocked that the man who during the first half of his career could only say 4 words more than the Incredible Hulk, couldn’t get the job done? Are you really surprised? Put down the legalized weed and pay more attention. Do Better!!!
Buzzwords of the Year “Redistribution of Wealth”, Socialism
I blame President Obama. It all started with the 2008 election. If he hadn’t taken that stroll and tried to explain his plan for the economy to an idiot plumber named Joe, maybe…just maybe “Redistribution of wealth” wouldn’t have been such an idiotic buzzword this year. As it stands though, ‘Redistribution of Wealth’ and ‘Socialism’ became the rallying cry of the Tea Party protesters who claimed that Obama was the second coming of Karl Marx. Hell, Glenn Beck’s popularity is based solely on this. But its all a farce. See, while Beck and the GOP claim that Obama is some kind of communist, interested in taking from those that have and spreading it to those who haven’t earned it…the facts just don’t bear that out. See, if anything…Obama’s Administration has proven to be the epitome of capitalism. I mean look at the stock market. It’s exploded from what it was at the beginning of the year. While Beck and others claim Obama is a “socialist”, pointing to low level officials like Van Jones…Larry Summers is CAKING.
Cheater of the Year The Dynamic Trio – Mark Sanford, John Edwards and John Ensign Yeah, I know…you’re thinking, “What? No Tiger Woods?” Yup, no Tiger Woods. Tiger Woods playing an extra round of gold and sticking his penis in a 19th, 20th (or even 21st) extra hole doesn’t really bother me or have an impact on my life. Just further proves my theory that the bigger the star athlete and the increase in available va-jay-jay, the more likely the cheater. However the 3 politicians that are sharing this award are receiving it for not only being incredible douchebags in the way they are getting it but also in the way that they either have or could have screwed us, the American people. Let’s look at them one at a time:
John Edwards – Last year’s “Worse Politician of the Year”, you would think the worse was over for Edwards. Oh but no, it did get worse. Not only did his wife Elizabeth give her first interview after the announcement of his infidelity on Oprah (As a man, that’s an automatic lost) but all signs point to Rielle Hunter’s baby being his. Oh, and then there was the story that came out about how he promised to marry Hunter when Elizabeth died. And to top it all off, as a reminded of just how much he could have screwed us all over, the 1st site that pops up in Google when you type in “John Edwards” is his ‘John Edwards for President’ page.
John Ensign – It takes a certain set of balls to actively vote against Health Care Reform for millions of Americans when at the same time you’re under investigation for writing a check for $96K to family of your mistress. Oh republicans…their moral compasses only work for other people. “I don’t understand why people can’t afford health care? Just get the guy who’s sleeping with your wife to write you a check…duh”
Mark Sanford – Edwards and Ensign are asshats, but Mark Sanford he takes the cake. Sanford had the passion of a Cassanova with the execution of say, a Mr. Bean. It’s one thing to cheat on your wife, but its another to skip out on your kids during FATHERS DAY WEEKEND to get some nooky from your Argentinian mistress. I mean, just not skip out of town and cross state lines. No…I mean fly to ARGENTINA. On FATHERS DAY. TO SLEEP WITH YOUR MISTRESS. Oh…did I mention he also did this as Governor of South Carolina…leaving to fly to Argentina without telling anyone. Then he acted surprised that people were so interested in just where the hell he went. Sanford also happened to be one of those Republican governors that was “taking a stand” against accepting federal stimulus money. Money that even republicans in the states senate desperately wanted to save the citizens of South Carolina = Bad. Using State money to fly to Argentina for a piece of ass = Good.
Ether Statement of the Year* Alec Baldwin vs Jack Cafferty
I like Jack Cafferty, I really do. But sometimes even the good people need to be brought back down to earth. Hell, I wake up in the morning and tell myself “You ain’t shit” just to make sure I stay grounded. Sometimes TV personalities can get caught up in their own hubris and well that happened to Cafferty when he tried to say that Alec Baldwin’s credentials to run for political office were questionable. Jack’s first mistake was overlooking Alec’s most impressive credential…being the only talented one out of the Baldwin brothers. And Alec used that talent to….eviscerate Cafferty.
“Jack, you don’t tell people that a career in the performing arts disqualifies them from seeking elected office, and I won’t say publicly that your being convicted of leaving the scene of an accident in which you struck a cyclist and then ran two red lights while you were pursued by the police and were subsequently ordered to serve 70 hours of community service back in May of 2003 disqualifies you from posing as a “Man of the People” on a major cable news network.”
Ouch. That kinda hurt my soul.
*Proceeds of this award go to Nasir Jones and helping him pay off that $51k a month alimony payment to Kelis
Dumb Fad of the Year Snuggies If you gave someone or you asked for a snuggie for Christmas, and you were serious about it…you my friend, have a serious mental issue that you need to have checked out. I actually believe the snuggie is a covert domestic surveillance program by the Obama Administration to figure out just who the idiots are in this country. In 2011, everyone who has bought a snuggie will find themselves rounded up in some kind of “camp”. Seriously people, who pays $19.95 (plus shipping & handing) for a blanket…with sleeves. Are we that lazy of a people now? Even if (and this is a big if) you need to have a blanket with sleeves, how lazy are you that you can’t just buy a $5 fleece blanket and sew it together yourself? I mean for $19.95 that shit should at least come with a hood so you can pretend you’re Obi Wan Kenobi. And now they have snuggies for your dog. What the fuck is that about? Your dog has fur…he’s not gonna get cold in your house. If your dog is getting cold in your house, he doesn’t need a snuggie, he needs an owner who isn’t too cheap to turn the heat up above “Arctic”.
Dumb Blonde of the Year Carrie Prejean
You know, I didn’t really have a problem with Carrie Prejean’s ‘opposite marriage’ response during the 2009 Miss America pageant. Compared to the bumbling fumbling Miss South Carolina (‘And such as’), Prejean wasn’t that bad. Sure, it was a really stupid way of saying ‘gay marriage’ but what do you expect? These pageant winners aren’t exactly the brightest bulbs in the pack. Just be happy Prejean was semi-articulate. Perez Hilton being the attention whore he is should have just left it alone instead of making some idiotic YouTube rant. Instead, Prejean actually started to believe that she lost the Miss America because of her “Christian views” and this is where things started going downhill. To point out hypocrisy in her “Christian views” racy pictures that Prejean had posed for topless were posted. Then she was beefing with the California Miss America Pageant who turns out paid for her breast implants (And God said ‘Let there be silicon’). Donald Trump got involved, first backing Prejean (She had a nice rack) and then a week or so later, firing her (Her Christian views wouldn’t let her put his penis in her mouth). Also, I believe there’s a “sex tape” as well. Somehow in the mist of all this fuckery, republicans looked at Prejean and, for reasons I can’t figure out decided, they would have her speak at one of their conventions/conferences. Only thing I can figure out is that republicans have dubbed her the 4th Horsewoman in the ‘4 Horsewomen of the Republican Women Who Say Really Dumb Things Apocalypse’. She joins Sarah Palin, Michele Bachmann and Elisabeth Hasselbeck.
“Please Shut the Fuck Up in 2010″ Award Darth Cheney and his evil Apprentice/Daughter Liz Cheney
Remember during the last 8 years, when any of us that questioned Bush were called “traitors”, “enemies of the state” and that the “terrorists would win” if we asked such questions as “Hey don’t you need a warrant for that?”. Well apparently part of the “Change we can believe in” was that all that went away…and leading that charge was none other than the Sith Lord himself, Dick Cheney. We saw and heard more from Darth Cheney in the first half of 2009 than we did his entire second term in office. He did more interviews about Obama “dithering” than he did when he shot his friend in the face. But in 2009, he wasn’t alone. Somehow over the last 8 years between shooting fiends in the face, dodging congressional hearings and declaring himself a 4th branch of the government immune from any form of oversight, Cheney was training up his apprentice, Liz Cheney. I don’t know if it was because her last name was Cheney or if people subscribe to the “don’t hit a girl” mentality in political debates, but Liz was allowed to say things her father would only dream about. All that capped off when she made either a really bad joke or a dire prediction when she said “Palin/Cheney 2012″. My God. Help us. Where’s luke Skywalker when you need him?
Runner Up -Meghan McCain
Listen, stick to showing your cleavage in TwitPics and leave the political analysis to the professionals. Thanks.
Coon of the Year Michael Steele
Whatever glimmer of hope any of us had about Michael Steele being a breath of fresh air as the RNC’s first African American chairman was quickly stomped out like a lost inner city youth being initiated into a gang. Now if a Steele supporters reads this they’d probably automatically assume that I’m only calling Steele a coon because he’s a black republican. This is false. Condoleezza Rice and Colin Powel are republicans and while I don’t agree with them on some policy issues, I still have a degree of respect for them. Steele gets this award for being willing participant in being used like puppet for the republican spin machine in a way that would make Uncle Ruckus shake his head in shame. Fresh off of his election as chairman, Steele erased any hope that he would take the RNC into a new direction by back pedaling and graveling at the feet of Rush Limbaugh. Seriously, it was the most disgusting thing I’ve ever seen a grown man do. Steele originally seemed to have balls by saying that Limbaugh was “just an entertainer” but one threat from Limbaugh and Steele was calling Rush ready to lick his boot like a good house negro. And that was just the beginning. When Steele tried to put out a “Senior’s Bill of Rights” for Health Care Reform, members of his party in essence told him to “Sit back, shut the fuck up and sign the checks.” And then I could go on and on about his annoying Hip Hop references and attempts at being cool and the painfully obvious jealousy he has towards Barack Obama.
Quote of the year Chez Pazienza on Maria Bartiromo
“CNBC’s Maria Bartiromo needs to stick do doing what she does best: standing around on the floor of the Stock Exchange looking like a cross between Sophia Loren and that thing that co-piloted the Millennium Falcon with Lando Calrissian in Return of the Jedi.” —Chez Pazienza
Some background. Maria Bartiromo is an “analyst” for the Jim Cramer network i.e. CNBC. She’s horrible. As part of his systematic destruction of CNBC, Jon Stewart showed clips of her asking the usual suck up, non-hard hitting questions to financial sector CEO’s as they raped the American people. To make matters worse MSNBC, being enthralled with her lack of depth and insight on financial issues would have her come onto Morning Joe to bless us with idiocy asinine rationality that would dwarf Joe’s. Take for instance her asking Rep. Weiner, who is in his 40’s, if Medicare was so good why he wasn’t on it. I don’t ask that you be an expert on every field to give your opinion, but if you’re too brain dead to know that Medicare starts at 65 then you should really keep those opinions to yourself. But the real tipping point was when she battled Matt Taibbi on Morning Joe. Matt was explaining how the health care system is broken. Maria however argued that since America has the best medicine and doctors, obviously its not broken. See, people with money like Maria are right…they have access to whatever they want. But this idiot couldn’t see past her own bank account. Seriously, watching her making her argument is like pouring acid directly on your brain stem. “I have a problem with 47 million number. Because some of them are illegals”. Right and we just let them die in the street Maria. Those people don’t go to the ER and put a strain on our Health Care system. Which leads me to the quote from Chez Pazienza. Some people should just be creatures we find intriguing to look at and but not listen to.
Joe Jackson Child Exploiter of the Year
Jon & Kate Plus 8 minus Kate Plus 8 more – OctoMom versus Jon & Kate Plus 8
When we first were introduced to Nadya Suleman it seemed like one of those typical heart warming “Woman gives birth to a litter of human babies” stories we get every year. What we got instead was the poster child for matriarchal dysfunction. Looking like a cross between Angelina Jolie and the creature from Species, Suleman wasted no time attempting to cash in on her children. Not to be out done, Jon & Kate Gosslin decided to put the collapse of their marriage not only in front of their 8 kids…but also millions of TV viewers. Jon Gosslin finally realized that he was a man and that being emasculated on cable TV for millions can see might not be making him look good. Oh and the whole “young kids on a reality TV show” thing probably isn’t good for their young psyche either. But it gets better. Like combining Mentos in a 2 liter bottle of Coke, these two colossal parental nightmares might be combining. Octomom has said that she thinks Jon is cute and would love to do a show with him…even date him. Jesus I think this chick really is the living breathing version of that alien from Species. The combination of these two hyper-reproductive systems would be enough to triple the world’s population in 9 months.
Jackass of the Year Kanye West When the President of the United states calls you a jackass, I can’t argue with that. You can blame his mother dying for Kanye’s jackassery, but truth be told…Kanye was a jackass long before that. Since getting his ROC chain his ego has steadily inflated so much that Richard Heene might be using it for his next balloon hoax. Have you seen the way he dresses? Him and his gay looking posse dress so ludicrously that even South Park had to take a shot at him. Even his dating choices make him look like a jackass. He’s dating some chick that doesn’t even look real. Amber Rose has the facial expressions of a mannequin with a Sinead O’Connor haircut. But nothing tops what he did at the MTV Music Video awards. First off, who shows up to the red carpet with a bottle of Henny wearing what looked like a patent leather button up black shirt with a chick wearing what could only be described as an anaconda skin body suit? He then dug common sense out of its grave and teabagged it on live TV when he went up on stage and interrupted a 20 year old’s acceptance speech just to say Beyonce had the best video of all time? I mean…come on, ‘Single Ladies’ isn’t even Beyonce’s best video of all time. ‘Single Ladies’ actually might be one of her worse videos. Four fully clothed chicks just shaking their asses, while entertaining, is NOT the best video of all time. Seriously, fuck this dude. There’s a thin line between swagger and being an asshat. And right now Kanye is walking around with the king jackass crown on.
Runner Up – Chris Brown
Beating your girlfriend’s ass senseless in a car is incredibly stupid and disgusting. Doing that to a famous superstar should be career ending………unless your girlfriend is Rihanna and all your female fans secretly hate her for no reason and therefore will support you no matter how stupid you are. Chris Brown dodged a bullet and then proceeded to, on several occasions, hop back into the middle of the fire fight with a huge bulls eye on his chest screaming “Shoot me!!!” Someone seriously needs to sit this dude down and explain how lucky he is that he’s not in jail.
Most Disturbing Image of 2009 Stephon Marbury’s 24 hour Webcam Disaster
Was there any more disturbing thing we saw this year than Stephon Marbury’s 24 hour webcast? I honestly don’t think so. First there was the video of him crying to ‘Lean On Me’, shirtless, while one of his boys rubs his back and tries to comfort him. Then there was the video of him eating Vaseline to help his sore throat. And then there was the one of him dancing in front of the mirror, with facial cream on…to Michael Jackson. Disturbed doesn’t even begin to explain this shit. Now if watching the Knicks when they had Marbury was only this entertaining…
Holy Fuck Award of the Year Craig Clasen What did you do this year? Get a new job? New significant other? Get a raise? Maybe start your own business? I’ll tell you one thing you didn’t do. You didn’t kill a 12 foot tiger shark with your bare hands and finish it off by DROWNING IT. Seriously, Clasen spent 2 hours locked in underwater combat with a creature God created for the sole purpose of killing things. There’s not enough brass in the world that could reproduce the pair that Clasen has in his pants. Greatest part of this whole EPIC encounter was that the friend Clasen was “saving” didn’t swim to safety…no, he stayed behind and took pictures. PICTURES. Seriously, WTF have you done with your life?
The “Slay’em on their own track” award Eminem
How many times does Marshall Mathers need to do this before we give him a lifetime achievement award? No really? First Jay-Z, then Drake, Weezy & Kanye and then he ended the year by slaying Weezy again on his own track. At what point do we look past his skin color and just say, this boy is skilled? And I’m not dissing the other rappers. Putting Eminem on the track automatically makes the other rappers step their game up. Think Biggie when he did his track with Bone. But still, Em does his best work when he’s on someone else’s tracks. Its as if he has no passion for it on his own albums. He’s like a basketball team that only plays good when they play a championship caliber team.
“Where the fuck are they now” Award Bobby Jindal Think back to November 4th 2008. Actually, go back late August/early September at the party Conventions. Republicans tried to pull the “Mr. Me too” and say that they were the party of minorities. McCain tried a cheap attempt at getting Clinton voters by picking Sarah Palin, the 5 black Republicans that bothered to go to Minneapolis in September were always in front of the camera and after the election, the RNC even voted for Michael Steele as the first African American to chair the Republican party. But the “up and coming star” of the Republican party, the man who would stand up against the “radical” socialist black man, was none other than Louisiana Governor Bobby Jindal. He was young, a minority, a governor…hey maybe he has a chance right? Umm…no. After Obama’s first speech to a joint session of Congress, Governor Jindal gave the worse rebuttal speech I’ve ever seen. He looked like the Indian version of Mr. Rogers. I half expected him to put on his socks and asked us if we wanted to be his neighbor. Rachael Maddow summed up the response to Jindal’s speech about as well as anyone could:
We really haven’t heard from the good Governor since then. Jindal represents a bigger issue with the GOP. The nationally recognized minorities in the GOP just aren’t ready for prime time which didn’t help when they are thrust into the spotlight because the GOP wants to look diverse to compete with democrats and President Barack Obama.
Lie of the Year Obama is using Cars.Gov to Spy on Your Computers
I’m going against the grain here and I’m not giving “Death Panels” the award here. See, to me the ‘Death Panel’ hysteria wasn’t a lie. It was a dog whistle for racist. It was the secret handshake of the Ignoramus Fraternity. Glenn Beck’s accusation that the Obama Administration was using the Cars.gov website and the “Cash for Clunkers” program to secretly take over citizen’s computers however, was just a plain flat out lie. Not that we’d expect anything less from Glenn Beck, this whole lie was started by Glenn Beck and his watchers because they are about as technologically savvy as a 90 year old grandmother. Here’s the lie:
When you log onto the cash for clunkers site, you are presented with a prompt telling you that your computer is now property of the federal government and that they can now download, upload and monitor everything on your computer.
Here’s the reality:
First off, the warning only came up for on the DEALER side of the site, not for regular people buying cars. As a matter of fact, there was no login on the consumer side of the site (Lie #1). Secondly, because dealers were sending sensitive information to government computers, a secure VPN connection was made. The warning about “Your computer is no property of the federal government” is actually a standard warning that most contractors see whenever they connect to a government network (Lie #2). And lastly, what Beck never bothered to tell any of his viewers was that at the time one of the advertisers for his show was a computer security company that sold “firewall and spyware protection.” He even had them come on the show to talk about the “dangers” of what the government was doing. Now most people would call that a “conflict of interest.” To Glenn Beck…he calls that “Tuesday.”
Idiot of the year Women sleeping with Lil Wayne with no condom I don’t know but I’m pretty sure there are laws in this country against bestiality and I’m also fairly certain that ‘Gremlins’ are covered under that. I’m still trying to figure out how all these women ended up getting pregnant by Lil Wayne around the same time. The man looks like a walking STD factory and yet 3 women decided they were not only going to have sex with him, but forgot all about birth control while doing it. That’s the definition of stupidity. I know they say under the influence of drugs and alcohol, people tend to do things they wouldn’t normally do. But I still would think that self preservation would make these women think to at least force the gremlin to wear a condom. Seriously, let’s all pray that Octomom never comes in contact with Lil Wayne’s sperm or the number of offspring of those two could multiply like mogwai in a tsunami.
Quitter of the Year Sarah Palin
When the going gets tough, the inexperienced and unqualified get going. That’s Sarah Palin in a nutshell for you. Just when people were trying to figure out what Palin’s next move would be, if she would run for a second term as Alaskan Governor (i.e. Protector of U.S. Airspace from Russia) or jump into the U.S. Senate, Palin proved to everyone why she’s the “maverick” by deciding to call it quits as Governor before completing a full term. Her reasoning? For the benefit of the Great State of Alaska duh. In a rambling speech that would make Republican Vice Presidential Candidate Palin proud, Governor Palin explained that she was becoming a distraction for all the great things she was trying to do for Alaska and therefore she had to step down. And you know something? She was right. With her intellectually dishonest attempt at legitimizing the “Death Panel” rumors and then her silly attempts a jumping into the Climate Change debate, coupled with the book of lies she had someone ghostwrite for her….we’ve all forgotten about what’s actually going on in Alaska. So, Sarah Palin quitting actually might have been the best thing for Alaska after all. Go figure.
Overrated Movie of the Year Wolverine Origins
Fuck you 20th century Fox, fuck you. Eye raping me for almost 2 hours in the theater is wrong. It’s as if they were getting back at Marvel for forming their own studio and making actually good movies. That’s the only conclusion one can come to after fuckery of Spiderman 3 in 2007 and then this fuckery. Some will say I’m being too hard on this movie but fuck that. You don’t take one of comic’s most popular characters and “put your own spin” on it. Joel Schumacher did that with Batman and to this day there’s a “punch in back of neck” order out on that fool. The biggest poke in the eye though was when they mutilated the character of Deadpool right before our eyes. I mean, it just made no sense. How do cast the wise cracking Ryan Reynolds to play the part of a wise cracking, psychopathic hit man and but then in the movie SEW HIS MOUTH SHUT??? Incredibly idiotic. And there were plenty of other things wrong with this movie. Fuck you 20th Century Fox. Fuck you.
Runner Up – Funny People
If I see Judd Aptow, I’m punching him in the throat. This movie wasn’t funny…at all. It was also too long and didn’t make a lick of sense. But it doesn’t take the top spot cause I should have known better. Adam Sandler isn’t funny. He’s not a deep actor and his entire career could but summed up as a series of knock knock jokes and getting kicked in the groin. So really, it’s my fault for paying money to see it.
Rookie of the Year Tiger Woods
Seriously it wasn’t the cheating that surprised me, it was the carelessness and reckless nature. No condom, didn’t pay them off, leaving bitch ass voice messages? I mean come on what the hell is this all about. What’s really disappointing though is that Tiger Wood’s NIKE mentor is Michael Jordan. Jordan wouldn’t let something like this keep him down. Jordan’s kinda like lightening, he doesn’t bang the same white chick twice. Tiger on the other hand seemed to fall in love with these hoes. Obvious rookie mistake.
First things first, we’re back on iTunes. To subscribe all you have to do is search for “Insanity Check” in the iTunes store or click this link to subscribe.
Topics for this show:
Women don’t count
Revisiting the two female teachers caught in sex romp
Tiger Woods gives up golf
The failures of PR teams helping black athletes and celebrities
President Obama’s speech in Oslo
The fringe groups on both sides of the Global Warming
Jail house knowledge…people who think they know what they are talking about just because they have information…even though they can’t comprehend it
We’re looking for writers for TheInsanityReport.com and guests for the Insanity Check Podcast. If you are interested, email us at InsanityCheck@theInsanityReport.com. Also hit us up if you’re good with graphic designs or music production (we’re looking for a new opening for the podcast). Join the Facebook Group for weekly updates on Facebook or follow us on Twitter.
Yup people, I have finally found God. Oddly enough, he wears red, he’s a communist and he’s in China running a repressive government (And Conservatives wept?). Wait, I guess I should back up and explain. So if you’ve been paying attention, then you know that Sarah Palin has officially joined Twitter (Thus solidifying one of the first signs of the Apocalypse). You can find her folksy brand of dimwitted logic at the username “SarahPalinUSA”. So what does the great Alaskan philosopher pick as her first topic to tackle upon joining Twitter? Why Global Warming of course. Out of pure coincidence Sarah Palin has decided to take on a topic that just happens to be one the President himself will be dealing with next week in Copenhagen. So what kind of great insight does Sarah Palin give us?
“2 much of “global warming” agenda is merely to halt responsible developmnt;sound science must b foundation 4 Copnhagn decisions,not politics”
“Copnhagn Climate Summit;Obama should boycott in light of bogus “findings”Public leary re:snake oil science,he must take stand on climategate”
“Leave chilly TX(poor evidence of global warming today)4 Virginia event&speech tonite n DC;Glad Todd got 2 lv construction project 2 join us!”
With just over 37,000 followers and following noone, you might first think this wasn’t really Sarah Palin. But when you read all these tweets and realize the completely random and nonsensical attempt at trying to balance being “folksy” and “political” you realize that no one else but a moron like Sarah Palin could be writing these. I want to focus on this particular tweet though:
Glad Wash.Post ran my Op-Ed on”Global Warming”Climategate scandal;amazing 2 see Al Gore’s denial of the controversy-its like denying gravity [Denying gravity? Quick someone tell Palin gravity is a theory just like evolution. Does this mean she doesn't deny evolution now? Maybe we're making progress]
In what I can only figure to be a lame attempt at boosting distribution, the Washington Post allowed Sarah Palin to extend one of her idiotic Facebook rants into an Opt-Ed piece where she used hacked emails from a handful of scientist to claim that Global Warming was some kind of global conspiracy. You know Nobel Peace Prize laurete Al Gore wasn’t going to take that lying down. He’ll let you steal the Presidency from him without a fight but dare to claim Global Warming isn’t real and he’ll come after you like you were ManBearPig (5 pts for South Park reference…sweet). Of course, Sarah Palin loves taking these stances on Facebook, Twitter and speeches where cameras and reporters aren’t allowed, but what about actually debating Al Gore on the issue and putting this to rest once and for all? Right Wing radio host Laura Ingraham asked that very question:
INGRAHAM: Would you agree to a debate with Al Gore on this issue?
PALIN: Oh my goodness. You know, it depends on what the venue would be, what the forum. Because Laura, as you know, if it would be some kind of conventional, traditional debate with his friends setting it up or being the commentators I’ll get clobbered because, you know, they don’t want to listen to the facts. They don’t want to listen to some reasonable voices in this. And that was proven with the publication of this op-ed, where they kind of got all we-weed up about it and wanted to call me and others deniers of changing weather patterns and climate conditions. Trying to make the issue into something that it is not.
INGRAHAM: But what if it’s an Oxford-style, proper debate format. I mean, he’s going to chicken out. I mean, if you challenge him to a debate, do you actually think he would accept it?
PALIN: I don’t know, I don’t know. Oh, he wouldn’t want to lower himself, I think, to, you know, my level to debate little old Sarah Palin from Wasilla.
Ahh, so actually debating someone on the issue who is actually knowledgeable on the topic is a “No Go” for the “fighter” Sarah Palin. You know cause that crafty Al Gore would have all his people there to support (read: Those with intelligence) and Palin would only have her daring wit and a Bible. And thus we have recognized the issue with all these Global Warming deniers. They are full of shit. They can’t use sound science to disprove the fact that human created waste and pollution is having an effect on the planet’s climate. They’ll claim like Palin did in her “Chilly Texas” tweet that some places are getting colder therefore Global WARMING doesn’t exist. Of course they don’t realize that the term “global warming” was coined solely so the intellectually challenged like Palin could grasp the concept. There are those that point to the fact that we haven’t had some cataclysmic event and so therefore, global warming is false. You know cause if it was going to happen, it would happen quickly and just like a poorly written Dennis Quaid disaster flick. Then there are those that claim, because they can’t scientifically, that man can’t cause climate change and that its arrogant for anyone to think that anyone but God can do that. Which leads me to what I was saying at the beginning of this. Apparently God is running the Chinese government:
BEIJING (AFP) – Chinese scientists artificially induced the second major snowstorm to wreak havoc in Beijing this season, state media said, reigniting debate over the practice of tinkering with Mother Nature.
After the earliest snow to hit the capital in 22 years fell on November 1, the capital was again shrouded in white Tuesday with more snow expected in the coming three days, the National Meteorological Centre said.
The China Daily, citing an unnamed official, said the Beijing Weather Modification Office had artificially induced both storms by seeding clouds with chemicals, a practice that can increase precipitation by up to 20 percent. (Source)
Yeah so like Sarah Palin and people like her were saying, man can’t change the weather and…wait what? The Chinese have been doing this for a while now. Not only that, but I know here in the U.S. we’ve been experimenting with cloud seeding and other weather altering methods. So just off of common sense, if Chinese scientist can pump chemicals to seed clouds causing a massive snow storm, wouldn’t it stand to reason that pumping random chemicals and pollution from factories and other places could lead to changes in weather patterns and the climate over all? Either that or we could just assume President Hu Jintao is the reincarnation of Jesus…i.e. Chairman Mao.
First things first, we’re back on iTunes. To subscribe all you have to do is search for “Insanity Check” in the iTunes store or click this link to subscribe.
Topics for this show:
The World Premier of ‘Nothing But Pho’ featuring the Insanity Check’s very own Ryce Juanton
Tiger Woods and the ridiculous idea that he’s going to lose major sponsors
The Lil Kim STD aka Nicki Minaj
Ladies, if you aren’t a blond, don’t get blond hair (or Skittles colored hair)
Its not gay if the two women are hot right?
The Washington Post let’s Sarah Palin rant about a topic she can’t grasp aka Climate Change
Al Gore gets mad
Health Care Reform…no public option…but its progress
Michael Steele dodges a simple question
We’re looking for writers for TheInsanityReport.com and guests for the Insanity Check Podcast. If you are interested, email us at InsanityCheck@theInsanityReport.com. Also hit us up if you’re good with graphic designs or music production (we’re looking for a new opening for the podcast). Join the Facebook Group for weekly updates on Facebook or follow us on Twitter.
