Topics for the show:
Kriss and Ryce are back from the DR
All you can drink…for Free???
Fantasia attempts suicide
If he tells you he’s divorced, how about you double check?
Dan Quayle’s son says Obama is the worst President in history
Did Republicans forget George W. Bush’s 8 years already?
Dr. Laura uses the N-Word
White people…you can use the N-word…just be prepared for the consequences

We’re looking for writers for TheInsanityReport.com and guests for the Insanity Check Podcast. If you are interested, email us at InsanityCheck@theInsanityReport.com. Also hit us up if you’re good with graphic designs or music production (we’re looking for a new opening for the podcast). Join the Facebook Group for weekly updates on Facebook or follow us on Twitter.

Topics for the show:
Kanye West is on twitter…Lord help us
Following celebrities on twitter only leads to disappointment
We made it as a finalist on the Black Weblog Awards
Kriss has beef with Global Grind
Guess whose daughter is doing a porno?
Sucking dick really doesn’t open doors…at least not those kind
Women want men to chase them like predators do prey but are mad when they end up with a dog
Is there a balance between tradition and the evolving dating scene?
Ladies..watch out for the “Super Predators”

We’re looking for writers for TheInsanityReport.com and guests for the Insanity Check Podcast. If you are interested, email us at InsanityCheck@theInsanityReport.com. Also hit us up if you’re good with graphic designs or music production (we’re looking for a new opening for the podcast). Join the Facebook Group for weekly updates on Facebook or follow us on Twitter.

Topics for the show:
Why there was no Sunday Show
In Mel Gibson’s Rants We Trust
What’s up with women who in 2010 stay with abusive men?
If he beats you he doesn’t love you
If 90,000+ documents leaked and nobody cared…
The Afghanistan War isn’t about Religion, its about an abusive relationship

We’re looking for writers for TheInsanityReport.com and guests for the Insanity Check Podcast. If you are interested, email us at InsanityCheck@theInsanityReport.com. Also hit us up if you’re good with graphic designs or music production (we’re looking for a new opening for the podcast). Join the Facebook Group for weekly updates on Facebook or follow us on Twitter.

Topics for the show:
Ryce and Kriss have no real topics
Who comes to a Pig roast and then doesn’t know they are eating pork?
Lebron James…douche move of the year
We get to watch Lebron in PrimeTime pick the next city he’s gonna disappoint with no Championship
In relationships communication is key
Gifts don’t mean shit if it’s just a mask for deception
Lindsay Lohan goes to jail…and that’s enough about that
Priest steals $1.3 million to live alternate gay playboy lifestyle?
Rush Limbaugh with the dumbest comment of the year
Afghanistan…we broke it, we bought it

We’re looking for writers for TheInsanityReport.com and guests for the Insanity Check Podcast. If you are interested, email us at InsanityCheck@theInsanityReport.com. Also hit us up if you’re good with graphic designs or music production (we’re looking for a new opening for the podcast). Join the Facebook Group for weekly updates on Facebook or follow us on Twitter.

There are a lot of conversations going on these days about the hopeless plight of the modern single Black Woman. Everyone from single Black women to thrice-married Black men to Black male rappers are weighing in on the quality, appeal, and future of the single Black Woman. Many Black women feel they are under attack and rightfully so; every time they turn around, they are reading or hearing negative statistics about their plight and finding very few positive turns and silver linings. Be they highly or undereducated, older or younger, mothers or childless, Black women around the country are being made to believe that their relationship-focused futures are inevitably grim all because of all of the negative statistics stacked against them.

However, I offer that this latest surge of woe-is-the-Black-woman talk is less an attack on Black women and more so an attack on Black men. After all, we live in a heterosexist society that assumes a man and a woman together is the normal, acceptable pairing and we should all be seeking such a union as part of the natural course of our lives. This is also an overall sexist society that generally believes men are the dominant leaders and women are the “weaker sex” who would be little or nothing without the strength of the men in their lives. So, if we put these ideas together, our society seems to perpetuate the idea that the most important issues women deal with are connected to the presence of good men in their lives. If we add the fact that the overwhelming majority of relationships and marriages are between people of the same race, we can add the racial component as well. By identifying all of the “problems” Black women have, is the discourse not suggesting that the problem is truly in the shortcomings of Black men? Is it not suggesting that if Black men were better at doing what they are supposed to do as men, Black women would not have so many problems? As a mother raising a Black male, I have a very serious issue with that and I refuse to sit by and not weigh in on this matter.

In the interest of full-disclosure, I am an educated Black woman with a rewarding career. I will also add that I am financially capable of taking care of myself and my child. I was a wife, a mother, recipient of a Master’s degree and on the path to divorce all by the age of 30. One might say that I have been there and done that. I am neither bitter nor jaded towards all men because of my divorce and I still believe in love and the power of strong, respectful, loving relationships. I do not believe that I will never find love again and I refuse to spend the rest of my days complaining about men, Black men specifically. I adore my brothers and support them, despite what often feels like a sense of abandonment and disrespect from them. I am a champion for Black men, even more so now because I am raising one.

But I have to admit, it is becoming increasingly difficult to remain ardently supportive of brothers as a whole. If we look historically at the experiences of Black men and women in America, we have shared many of the same bouts of oppression because of our skin color. We have faced similar discrimination, rejection, and attacks on our psyche. However, within our communities, we have experienced strife amongst us based primarily in our own adaptation of sexism. This is dissertation material, so I will not dig as deep as I could. I simply want to point out that through all of the major struggles Black people have experienced, Black women have often had to suffer doubly and in silence because in their homes and communities, sexism has also played a huge role in our interactions, namely our family structures. Yet, because of this collective experience of racial oppression, Black women have often been made to feel that if we speak out against the sexism and oppression we experience from Black men, we are somehow betraying our people and “the cause”. So, we have suffered silently, and we have accepted and made excuses for the negativity we see our brothers engage in and experience by their hands and mouths. I am not saying it is impossible to continue to be supportive of the group as a whole, just that it is becoming increasingly difficult in general.

We cannot continue to sit idly by silently. We have to set higher standards and hold our brothers accountable for their behavior. First, we have to call them out when we see and experience it. Second, we have to respect ourselves enough to not enable and endure it. Finally, we have to look inside of ourselves and figure out how we may be contributing to it and make adjustments accordingly. We have to be strong enough to say, “You cannot call me a bitch and expect me to feel respected.” We have to stop buying music that degrades us and auditioning for videos that negatively represent us. We have to raise our sons to be respectful and honorable men who treat women accordingly. We have to shed our baggage and stop blaming the next man for the past man’s mistakes. We need to focus more on the positive statistics than the negative. We have to carry ourselves with dignity and honor and not compromise on that. We have to support brothers when we see that they are legitimately struggling rather than use their plight as a stepping stone for our own advancement. We have to assert ourselves as equals and stop accepting traditionally accepted ideas about our roles as women in our communities. We have to acknowledge that while we CAN do it alone, we do not HAVE to do it alone. We have to think about the future of our people, collectively, and begin to make changes that will lead to our overall improvement. As women, we are the vessels of life, and as Black women, unfortunately, we are now the ones primarily responsible for raising the next generation (statistically… I am not speaking ill about active, involved Black fathers).

When I hear a Black man calling Black women “bitches”, I have to wonder about how his mother raised and influenced him. When I hear a Black man say he cannot be in a serious relationship with a Black woman, I have to wonder about the kinds of Black women he was exposed to growing up or what Black woman hurt him beyond repair. When I hear a Black man say a Black woman is only good for sex, I have to wonder if he feels the same way about his sister. When I hear a Black man complain about how Black women have it easier, I wonder about how much more difficult they make life for themselves and if their “struggle” is as much self-imposed as it is externally. Similarly, I wonder the same about Black women and their influences by the Black men in their lives. I find it hard to believe that when a person is raised with true love and taught to honor him/herself and respect others, that person will end up being someone who generally hates or has disgust for his/her own people.

That brings it back to me being a mother and what I see my part as in the grand scope of things. While my marriage did not work out and my son is now one of many Black males being raised by unmarried parents in separate households, I do not believe he will end up as the statistics predict for him. I am not writing him off, as others might, as being jail-bound and unlikely to graduate high school and/or attend college. I will not let him get involved in street life and gangs. I am working very hard, along with his father, to make sure that his foundation is grounded in love and support from the men and women around him. We are making sure that he is surrounded by positive examples of what Black men and women can be. We are careful of the media we expose him to and the activities we allow him to engage in. We will set high standards for him and not accept his becoming an underachiever. We know better so we will do better.

I understand, unfortunately, that not every one knows better so it is difficult for them to do better. This is the time when those of us who have “made it” should extend ourselves, our resources, and offer resources to those who are in need of help. We have to pay special attention to our boys and son because, quite frankly, no one else is. Society has written Black males off as amounting to nothing as early as third to sixth grade. We have to mentor young parents, even in the most microscopic ways. If you see a teenage mother calling her child stupid or a bastard, it is time for you to invoke your village responsibility and reach out to her instead of just shaking your head and walking away. We have to support agencies and organizations, financially and with our time, that are dedicated to issues involving our youth. Black men, you need to become mentors. Our young boys are lagging, unattached, in mentoring programs because we do not have enough Black male volunteers. Black women, become a big sister to a teenage female whose mother has three other children she has to spread attention between.

I am sure there is something you can do other than sit behind your computer and write and complain about the “problems” facing Black men and women. No book on being single, no book on how women should act, no book or article on how to get or keep a man/woman is going to help anyone but the people who wrote and are selling them. The true answers are already within us. We just have to decide if we care enough and are selfless enough to make the effort to change the tides for future generations.

Peace.

Benee is a regular contributor to www.CocoaMamas.com and can be found on Twitter @purplepeace79

One of my Big Brothers when I was on line used to tell us something very simple.  Whenever we were about to speak he would say “I want you to stop, think real hard about what you’re going to say and then…shut the fuck up.”  Why would he say that?  Because he knew no matter what we said, it was probably going to be something stupid and that we would be better off not saying anything at all.  Unfortunately with the Internet, people and the idiotic things that bounce around in the cobweb filled, dimly lit cavities they call a cranium are allowed to not only propagate their fecal laden ideas but also network with other idiots who agree with them.  I’m not talking about people who have controversial but logically formed ideas and defend them rationally.  No I’m talking about the pure uncut and unimaginative bullshit people seem to spew at an exponential rate just because someone gave them a keyboard  and a Comcast connection.  And nothing brings out the disjointed, emotional and completely illogical internet posts than the topic of relationships.  Particularly when it comes to black relationships, black love and black marriage.

Usually I write posts on relationships only after reaching a  breaking point of seeing too many people writing about how much of a struggle it is for black women to find a man.  I’ll be honest, I haven’t really been that fair to the ladies.  Not that I think that any of those posts had any validity but rather because I’ve ignored the pure uncut bullshit men have been feeding the masses as well. I’m talking rancid garbage like “the sad clown:  four reasons why funny girls finish last.”  This is one of those posts that upon reading it, my brain throws the emergency brake and my brain cells crash and burn like a NASCAR driver who hit the wall going 160.  It’s staggering just how idiotic the argument in that post is.  Being funny is a man thing?  Really?  Men don’t want a woman who is funnier than they are or has “more” of some kind of attribute than they do?  Huh?  A woman being funny is just a way of her making up for some other inadequacy?  You mean like how the guy who wrote this post is covering up his insecurity with women who are funnier, more intelligent or just a step above him by writing a trite and illogical rambling posted to the Internet?  Oh well why didn’t you say so to begin with…

Just like how the some of the panelist on the Dateline special made women seem insanely desperate, sacrificing their health by staying with a man who gave them an STD, this post made men seem like brainless Neanderthals still living in caves that basically only want women to sit around, look pretty and spread their legs.  It’s in essence saying in order for a man to be a man he needs a woman that is either on his level or below so he can exert his “manliness”.  Basically, why reach for the stars when mediocrity is so comfortable.

But it gets better.  Apparently Rapper Slim Thug was given an opportunity on Vibe.com to express his views on black women.  Oh joy.  What could possible go wrong when we let someone named “Slim Thug”, who makes music in an industry built on objectifying women, ‘write’ about black women.  Well Slim Thug didn’t disappoint.

“The way Black people think in general is messed up. Both men and women need to change their way of thinking”

Good point, problem is he then proceeded to use “typical” illogical “man” speak to tell women what they need to do to change, all while ignoring anything men need to do. And what do black women need to do?  Be more like white women of course.

I have a brother that dates a White woman and he always be fucking with me about it saying, “Y’all gotta go through all that shit [but] my White woman is fine. She don’t give me no problems, she do whatever I say and y’all gotta do all that arguing and fighting and worry about all this other shit.”
My girl is Black and White. I guess the half White in her is where she still cooks and do all the s**tthat I say, so we make it. She just takes care of me and I like that. She don’t be begging and I don’t gotta buy her all this crazy ass shit.

Right because white women are so tame, docile and house broken.  Is this guy serious?  Tiger Woods’ almost gets his head taken off by a golf club swung by his white wife cause he was cheating on her.  Hank Baskett is looking like the world’s biggest simp cause his white wife and former girlfriend of Hugh Hefner is not only a bigger name than him but also has a sex tape floating around.  And did Slim Thug just sleep through Michael Strahan’s divorce to Jean Muggli?  But wait it gets better:

I’ve dated girls that will buy a $3,000 bag and don’t know how to pay it off on their credit cards. They walk around in these Louis Vuittons and red bottoms but they’re riding around in raggedy cars, so it’s just getting your priorities right.

I’m sorry but I’ve seen enough commercials for Real Housewives of [insert rich suburban area] to know that this is not a black woman phenomenon.  Hell, to be real it’s not even a woman phenomenon because I know Slim Thug knows enough of his own boys who blow their entire weekly paycheck on Jordans and Xbox games.  There are plenty of male superstars out there who are given millions, only to end up broke a few years later.  We see them “making it rain on hoes” in the club and then a decade later on “Behind the Music” we find out they are about 2 paychecks away from being homeless.  So please, save me the “women need to do better” spiel.

What Slim Thug seems to not understand is that he’s not dealing with normal black women.  He’s dealing with groupies.  The kinds of women like Kat Stacks who wait outside of hotel rooms hoping to catch a rich guy’s stray sperm with her vagina and secure a lifestyle for themselves.  If you’re dating women like that it’s not that black women need to do better…YOU NEED TO DO BETTER.  I’ve told woman this before but let me tell men this.  If you’re only attracting golddigging women who are idiots that can’t balance their own checkbook…guess what?  You need to make a change in your life.  Yes, she as a great pair of boobs and a perfect ass…but she’s dumber than a tree slug.  You can walk away from that situation without dating her.  If you don’t, the problem isn’t her, it’s you.

It’s unbelievable to me how many men will assail women for saying that they want a Barack by responding with “But you’re no Michelle”.  But after reading posts like the two mentioned, I’m thinking “But you don’t want a Michelle your damn self.” Michelle Obama is the prototypical strong black woman.  She knows how to support her man, her family and not lose any of her own identity.  But applying some of the rationale behind the posts I’ve mentioned, she’s not what most black men want.  Michelle Obama cracked jokes on Barack during an interview.  Back before he was a Senator, Michelle was actually the more successful of the two.  In public Barack has an almost deference to his wife, as if he’s putting her before himself.  Reading posts and comments from some of the men on these issues and applying them to the Obamas you’d come to the conclusion that Obama should have married a white woman.  Of course guys would deny that’s what they mean.  Well let’s make it simple.  Fellas if you want a Michelle, you have to be Barack.  That means not using the tired and played out “white women do things black women don’t” argument.  It means being honest with what you do and don’t like.  So if you don’t like funny women, don’t date funny women.  If you want to wallow in mediocrity and only date women that aren’t better at anything than you are, then by all means do that.  But do so knowing that you aren’t getting a Michelle.  You aren’t getting yourself a “good black woman.”  You’re aiming for average and that’s what you’re going to get.  You say women’s standards are too high and here you’re showing yours to be too low.  And just like woman who wade in the shallow end of the talent pool, you don’t really have the right to complain or talk about what a “good” significant other is because you’re obviously not trying to get one.