Special thanks to Rod from ‘The Black Guy Who Tips” for filling in as a cohost. You can check his site here and search for the podcast on iTunes ‘The Black Guy Who Tips’
Topics for the show:
Cathy Hughes and her misinformation about black radio
Women who kill their children and the people who defend them
Claiming ‘racism’, ’sexism’, ‘feminism’ or any other ‘ism’ can be a problem
Parents need to learn to raise their children right
Conservatives complaining about “social programs” and “big government”
Progressives not understanding what “one step at a time means”
Another crazy person with a gun
John McCain and his problems with “the gay
We’re looking for writers for TheInsanityReport.com and guests for the Insanity Check Podcast. If you are interested, email us at InsanityCheck@theInsanityReport.com. Also hit us up if you’re good with graphic designs or music production (we’re looking for a new opening for the podcast). Join the Facebook Group for weekly updates on Facebook or follow us on Twitter.
Topics for the show:
Birth Control side effects…are you serious?
10 people arrested for trying to smuggle 33 Haitian kids out of Haiti
Vegas politicians get mad at President Obama
Trying Terrorists in Federal Court…where have we heard that before?
Senator McCain takes a stand against…Senator McCain on the issue of Don’t Ask Don’t Tell
We’re looking for writers for TheInsanityReport.com and guests for the Insanity Check Podcast. If you are interested, email us at InsanityCheck@theInsanityReport.com. Also hit us up if you’re good with graphic designs or music production (we’re looking for a new opening for the podcast). Join the Facebook Group for weekly updates on Facebook or follow us on Twitter.
People On FBI Terrorist Watch List Can Buy Guns
Oh America…how I love the asinine logic used to create laws. Let me see if I can get this straight. If you are on the FBI Terrorist Watch List, you can’t board an air plane…but you can buy a gun. This is just the latest example of the ass-backwardness of this country. The NRA of course is defending the rights of these individuals saying that the terrorist watch list is flawed. I actually agree with them on this. Remember, Ted Kennedy was once stopped from boarding a plane because his name appeared on the list. Now most people will focus on the sensationalized headlines “Terror watchlist suspects can buy guns” and never notice that the truth is, the lists themselves are flawed. Ted Kennedy is one of the most recognizable government officials and he had to get the then head of Homeland Security to get his name off the list. Hell, Martin Luther King was on an FBI watch list at one point. Instead of a watch list, how about we just….I don’t know…have some real fucking security instead? Obviously the watch list isn’t useful when youhave a famous, sitting United States senator on the list. And another thing…if there was a terrorist trying to board…don’t you think they’d use a fake ID?
Joe Scarborough on John McCain and Lindsey Graham
I’m always talking about how much of a douchebag tool Joe Scarborough is, but I have to give the man credit when he does something right.
Don’t get too excited. Even a broken clock is right twice a day. But seriously, what the hell are John McCain and his trusty Side Kick/secret lover Lindsey Graham thinking? Of course the President is on the side of the protesters. What, you think he wants Iran to keep their “Death to America” attitude going? Like he doesn’t have enough shit to worry about. I just find it unbelievable that fuckers like McCain and all the other GOP assclowns can speak against the President now…when most of them claimed that speaking against Bush was “unAmerican”.
Governor Sanford goes AWOL
Okay, first some background on who this assclown is. Remember back when the President was pushing to get his Economic Stimulus Recovery plan passed? Remember when there was a group of republican governors who claimed they were going to turn down the stimulus money? Well Governor Asshat (read: Sanford) was the only one of those Governors to take his fight to refuse the bailout money to court. He lost. Not only did the law makers in his state want the money, but so did the people. So fast forward to a couple of days ago when it came out that no one had seen or heard from the Governor…not even his own family. Now his aides have said that he went “hiking” on the Appalachian Trail. Now maybe that’s true. Maybe, in typical Republican douchebaggery, the Governor being a sore loser decided to “pack up his ball” and go home. But over Father’s Day weekend? Not talking to your wife or kids? That seems a little more than odd, it seems down right suspicious. Honestly though, I could care less if he really did go hiking or if he decided to go on a 4-day coke and hooker binge. What bothers me is that as the Executive of a state, he up and leaves without telling his Lieutenant Governor or any other State government officials where he is going or how to contact him in an emergence. What the hell kind of irresponsible behavior is that? I’m a lowly computer programmer and even I can’t just up and disappear for 4 days without letting my boss and coworkers know where I am or at the very least, how to reach me. This isn’t me being partisan. If a democratic governor did the same thing I’d be calling for their resignation as well. This is completely unacceptable.
Sanford’s office acknowledged that it had no idea where exactly along the Appalachian Trail – a 2,200 mile route that crosses 14 states – he had been walking. His spokesman refused to discuss whether he had been accompanied by anyone.
“He’s an avid outdoorsman. Nobody’s ever accused our governor of being conventional,” the spokesman said.
I guess no one’s ever accused him of being ’smart’ either.
*Update*
I wrote the above last night. Turns out the Governor wasn’t hiking but he was in Argentina for 7 days. WTF? A sitting Governor just up and leaves to go out of the country, with no security or nothing? No notes to his next in command. His own family doesn’t even know? Over Father’s Day weekend? Oh this mofo was getting it in with coke and hookers…no doubt.
Palin Might Not Run in 2010
While I think she’s dumb brain dead polar bear cub, I have to give it to the Alaskan Governor, she knows how to stretch out 15 minutes of fame. I guess someone’s been reading up on “Attention Whoring for Dummies” since November 5th. As dumb as she is, even I don’t think Governor Sarah Palin is that stupid to not run for re-election next year. It doesn’t make any sense. The best way for her to stay in the spot light is to be a current governor and not some former governor has been that is struggling to stay relevant. Then again, maybe not being Governor will allow her to focus on important things like map reading and understanding simple foreign policy.
Oh Richard Nixon
And you wonder why minorities don’t like Republicans. You have an asshole of a republican, who was President, saying while being taped, that interracial pregnancies are a legitimate reason for getting an abortion. Oh wait…what is it that Black Republicans always say “But Lincoln freed the slaves.” GTFOH with that bullshit. I love how those fuckers always skip over republican dickwads like this when they try to shovel the republican shit onto their fellow African-American.
GOP Women’s Group Compares Obama to Hitler
Again, its things like this that will keep most African Americans from every being republican. I’m beginning to think Republicans are allergic to common sense.
Dear Friends:
Obama and Hitler have a great deal in common in my view. Obama and Hitler use the “blitzkrieg” method to overwhelm their enemies. FAST, CARPET BOMBING intent on destruction. Hitler’s blitzkrieg bombing destroyed many European cities – quickly and effectively. Obama is systematically destroying the American economy and with it AMERICA. First the banking/investment industry, next private enterprise (GM and Chrysler) and now HEALTH CARE.
We too CAN fight back. Contact everyone you know. Start a blitzkrieg of our own. Shut down the Capitol switchboards and the White House switchboards! Say NO to the Obamination of Obama Care!
Another Press Conference, Another Dumbass question Reporters that ask dumbass questions at Press conferences should be forced to commit seppuku right on the spot. A secret service agent (Actually, it would probably be more fitting if Rahm Emmanuel did it) should come up to them, remove the microphone from their hand and hand them a ritualistic sword and they should then be forced to impale themselves. I guarantee you that after a couple of those, there won’t be nearly as many retarded ass questions.
When Al Sharpton and crew decided they were going to hold a funeral for the word nigger…I shook my head in disgust. I understand that some times you do things out of symbolism, but trying to bury or even ban a word has to be the single most pointless thing anyone has ever done. It’s a word, you can’t ban a word, even if you don’t like it. What’s next? Sending a word to its room without supper? Its on the same level of banning and burning books. If you don’t want to say it…don’t. If you don’t want to hear it…fine, don’t associate with people who do use it. End of the problem. Of course, that’s too much like right.
So the latest fugitive of the word police is the word “retard.” Apparently it’s degrading and hurtful to those that have intellectual disabilities. In my opinion, what we have here is a disconnect in what a retard is. I’m going to use Sarah Palin and her family to demonstrate the proper use of the word retard. Sarah Palin’s son Trigg, is a baby with the chromosomal disorder, Down’s Syndrome. People with Down Syndrome typically have lower than average cognitive ability, along with other developmental disabilities. This is no fault of the individual, it’s in their genetics. Therefore Trigg, is not a retard, just a baby with a disability.
His mother, Sarah Palin on the other hand, is a retard. She’s a person whose brain developed normally, yet she still thinks that merely being able to SEE Russia from the State she governs, gives her foreign policy experience. That my friends…is retarded. Running for Vice President and not being able to answer questions about the economic bailout is…retarded. Claiming you’re against earmarks and wasteful government spending when it’s public record that you supported a construction project called “The Bridge to Nowhere” is…you guessed it…retarded.
If you go to the webpage of the campaign against the “r-word”, you’ll be greeted with a banner that shows some individuals with Down’s Syndrome. I actually find that offensive. Why would you associate the word “retard” with an individual with a developmental disorder? What they should have done is put up a picture of George W. Bush instead. Now that’s a well known retard and if you’re going to start a campaign against the word, you need a spokesman. See, when I think of a retard, I think of the George Bush’s of the world. I think of individuals that have nothing but their own idiocy to blame for their repeated brain farts. Let me give some examples of real functional retards:
John McCain – Finished damn near last in his class at the Academy. After beating all odds to become the Republican Nominee for President, this mofo says that the fundamentals of the Economy are strong…in the mist of the worse economic crisis we’ve ever seen.
People who listen to Rush Limbaugh – Rush Limbaugh himself isn’t retarded. He didn’t finish College, doesn’t hold degrees in economics or politics. He’s never held an elected position in the government. Rush is just an idiot with a microphone. That’s what you do with idiots, you give them a toy to hold and they sit there and make a bunch of noise. Normal, “intelligent” people with degrees however that listen to Rush are retarded. Only a retard would listen to someone who has zero legitimate credibility when it comes to an issue and allow that unqualified person to dictate what they were thinking.
John Edwards – Cheating on your cancer stricken wife and then trying to run for President knowing that it was only a matter of time before the truth came out…retarded.
Soulja Boy and Plies - Soulja Boy is from Mississippi, retard runs in the water from there (oh that’s going to get me into so much trouble). Just look at the way he dresses. When you wake up in the morning and make a conscious effort to dress like that…you’re retarded. As for Plies, the jury is still out. I want to say that Plies, with his “slavery english”, is retarded but the more I think about it, he might just have a developmental disorder. I think he might have been born with about half the brain cells of a normal human being.
21+ year olds who “Do the stanky leg” – Kids I can understand, they’re minds are still developing. But if you’re an adult in the club doing the stanky leg, you my friend have some form of retardation.
Delores Parker-Jackson – I saw Delores on Dateline NBC last night with Chris Hansen. Even though she reported a negative income of $6, 813 one year and had previously filed bankruptcy, she was able to get 6 mortgages for 4 condos totaling $1.3 million. When Chris asked her how much responsibility does she bare for getting loans when she know she was in essence poor…she said “none.” My friends, that is a major retard. Even an individual with Down’s Syndrome know when they’ve shitted on themselves.
So you see, we don’t need to ban the word “retard”, we just need to educate people on its proper use.
We’re now a week into Lent. Ryce teases Kriss by drinking a beer during the show but Kriss has a surprise himself. Kriss wants to change the punishment system for stupid people, like the woman who called 911 over chicken nuggets or the woman that neglected her 3 year old in Russia. The convo from Sunday is revisited about whether a housewife is a real job. Kriss still thinks the “new age” housewife isn’t a job. The show ends on politics and how Rush Limbaugh seems to keep a jar with all the balls of Republicans like Michael Steele in. Kriss kinda goes off at the end of the show on this topic.
There’s a problem with getting the show on iTunes for new subscribers. If you already get the show on iTunes you’re fine but if you’re looking to find us in the iTunes store it’ll probably be a couple of weeks until we’re back up and running. You can manually add us to iTunes by going to Advanced->Subscribe to Podcast and then add this url. We’re looking for writers for TheInsanityReport.com and guests for the Insanity Check Podcast. If you are interested, email us at InsanityCheck@theInsanityReport.com. Also hit us up if you’re good with graphic designs or music production (we’re looking for a new opening for the podcast). Join the Facebook Group for weekly updates on Facebook or follow us on Twitter.
We at the Insanity Report Salute Tucker Bounds…the douchebag spokesman for John McCain that took his lumps from the media like a champ. You can’t buy blind loyalty like this.
Once again it is time for the Third Annual Insanity Report End of the Year WTF’s. This is a time that we can all sit back and reflect on all the craziness of this past year and what a crazy year it has been. OJ’s back in jail, Brett Favre is a Jet, Bill and Hillary Clinton were back making headlines and a black man was elected President…man…it’s almost like a Bizzaro world where we’re living in the 90’s again (minus the Black man as President).
Movie Quote of the Year “If you aren’t thinking about pussy, you aren’t concentrating” Russell Crowe as Ed Hoffman – Body of Lies
I swear when I heard Crowe utter those words to DiCaprio’s Roger Ferris I damn near choked to death on my $5 popcorn. I remember vividly because I was being extra cheap that night and I didn’t want to pay an extra $5 for a drink. It’s even funnier when later on in the movie Ferris asks Hoffman “Still thinking about pussy?” I can’t remember what Hoffman’s response was but I know I damn sure was. “I Told You So” of the Year Brett Favre Go back and listen to IC 14: Brett Favre Sucks. I called it at the beginning of the year. Brett Favre is a mediocre quarterback. He has 1 touchdown and 6 interceptions in his last four games. He had 21 TDs and 19 Interceptions for the year. That is mediocre. Sure, he’s good for a breakout game (which he had with that 6 TD game) but then he’s also good for even more bonehead games. Sure, the Packers aren’t going to the playoffs and the Jets might (I’m writing this Sunday before game time), however, it’s the Packer’s defense that kept them out of the playoffs. Plus, the real comparison shouldn’t be between Favre and Rodgers, who is starting for the first time as an NFL quarterback (And still having a better season than Brett). No, the real comparison should be between Brett and Chad Pennington who has taken the 1 – 15 Dolphins from a year ago to a playoff bound 10 – 5 team. Quietly, Chad’s been outplaying Brett. But don’t expect the media to take Brett’s cock out their mouths anytime soon.
Ether Statement of the Year “And I think that it is going to be part of the president’s job to deal with more than one thing at once”
To be perfectly honest, I think President Elect Barack Obama has earned a Nasir Jones Ether layer award. Throughout the entire campaign, he would have these subtle jabs and one liners that would make you say “Gotdamn” and pause and rewind the video like you did when you heard Ether for the first time. Earlier in the campaign he hit Hillary Clinton with the Annie Oakley line, brushed the dirt off his shoulders and while he was most definitely not talking about Palin, that “You can put lipstick on a pig” line was hilarious ether directed at John McCain. However, when the financial crisis hit and John McCain, struggling to stay afloat like a fat kid in the deep end, decided he would suspend his campaign, claim he wasn’t going to the debate and fly back to Washington (after fatefully skipping out on Letterman)…Obama called his bluff. During a press conference shortly after McCain’s announcement Obama said the following (among other things)
“With respect to the debates, it’s my belief that this is exactly the time when the American people need to hear from the person who, in approximately 40 days, will be responsible for dealing with this mess. And I think that it is going to be part of the president’s job to deal with more than one thing at once. I think there’s no reason why we can’t be constructive in helping to solve this problem and also tell the American people what we believe and where we stand and where we want to take the country.”
Translation: John McCain says I’m not experienced enough to be President yet he can’t handling prepping for a debate and carrying out his duties as a Senator at the same time.
Runner Up Mitt Romney – “He’s a Senator killer”. When talking to the press about the republican chances, Romney gave a blunt (and as we later found out, correct) assessment of John McCain’s chances. Don’t take my word for it, look at it yourself.
Overused Phrases of the Year Swagger
Swagger outlived it’s usefulness before the song. The song was just the straw that broke the camel’s back in 3 different places. Aside from its rampant overuse, the other problem with the word “swagger” (or “swag”) is that it was also misused. Swag is like an aurora that you give off. It is noticed by those around you. You don’t have swag simply because you say so. Now you have everyone walking around with an unearned sense of entitlement because of some misdirected, self indulging declaration of their own swagger. Here’s the funny thing about swagger. If you have to announce it…you really don’t have it.
No Homo
Again, another phrase that is not only overused but misused. Seems that dudes think these days they can say something, that is in fact, extremely homo and think that just because they stick “No Homo” at the end of the phrase that everything is okay. Here’s a hint. If “No Homo” is becoming an increasingly frequent part of your vocabulary, then that means you are doing something wrong.
Pedophile of the Year – AKA the Golden Shower Chris Hansen Award R. Kelly
If seeing O.J get off in that murder trial made most black people cheer, then hearing the R. Kelly verdict made most people with an IQ above 20 go “WTF?” This man got caught on tape with a 14 year old and somehow got off “not guilty.” All this talk about “well, we couldn’t be sure of the girl’s age” is ridiculous. Common Sense lets us know that R. Kelly should be in jail. He has a known history of messing with little girls. But, in the end he beat the charge. Just seems strange that Mike Vick is in jail and R. Kelly isn’t there to help “braid his hair.”
Runners up Mark Foley - Attention Mark Foley. The “They wanted it” defense doesn’t apply to minors. Michael Jackson – He’s had a pretty quiet year but that gay Muslim Zorro outfit has to get him at least a honorable mention.
Coons of the Year Every Black Person That Talked Shit about Obama
This one should be obvious. We should have known that when the first viable African American candidate for President appeared that the coons would come out of the woodworks, falling and tripping over themselves to try to keep Obama down and make themselves look good in front of massa. I originally was going to give this award to Black Republicans, but then I remembered that the original Obama coons were actually Black Democrats. Remember Bob Johnson? Hillary paraded him out on her Southern “See I have Black Friends” tour when it became obvious that Obama was starting to roll up the black vote like a snowball going down a hill. First there was him taking shots at Obama for his past drug use and then, when his candidate finally conceded, the very next day he started circulating a petition to try to force Obama’s hand and make him pick Hillary as his runningmate. I haven’t forgotten those in the Congressional Black Caucus who didn’t support Obama, not because they did not believe his message but because they knew the Clintons would scratch their back on a quid pro quo. Then who could forget Democratic delegate Ann Price Mills who even after Hillary Clinton called for unity at the convention, still couldn’t bring herself to support Obama. And that’s just the DEMOCRATS. Least we forget James T. Harris begging McCain to go at Obama for his Bill Ayers connection and claiming Obama was a socialist or the house negroes over on Fox News like Juan Williams that were visibly jealous every time Obama hit a milestone. I said it during the election and I’ll say it again, I have no problem with blacks that didn’t support Obama based on facts. I have a problem with those that used silly logic and reasoning to talk down about the man, particularly in front of white people to make themselves look better.
Overrated Movie of the Year Wanted
It’s not Wanted fault for being overrated. Just bad timing. It fell in between Iron Man and The Dark Knight, the two best Action/comic book movies ever made. I remember some saying that it was better than Iron Man and while I don’t smoke, I really want the number to their connect cause if I ever do smoke, I want the very best stuff. Wanted was good but not that good. The movie got publicity solely based on Angelina Jolie’s diminishing sex appeal. Seriously, her stock is falling faster than a porn star with a positive HIV report. I think it’s the fact that she’s so damn skinny. No woman that’s popped out twins should be that thin naturally. She’s like 110 lbs with 80 of that in her lips. Her ass is non-existent. Need to put it up on the back of a milk carton (“Have You seen this ass? Call 1-800-LNG-BACK Last Seen…NEVER”). Props to Common for adding to his acting resume by once again playing an blank face, monotone assassin. I will say it was a huge improvement from his criminally bland Smoking Aces performance. Keanu Reeves needs to watch out…Common could take over Reeves’s top spot as the #1 blank face actor in Hollywood. Again, I’m not saying the movie was horrible…no…it was great. Just a little overrated. I will say it does have one of the greatest moments in movie cinema history with Morgan Freeman saying “Shoot this motherfucker.” LOL. It was like hearing your sweet, church going grandmother cuss for the first time. Classic.
Worse Politician of the Year John Edwards
I know you were probably expecting Rod Blagojevich here. I know the corrupt governor of Illinois with the world’s worse shape up is on the top of everyone’s Naughty Politician list but that’s only because he’s currently in the news. When you put all the exposed politicians in a line up, only John Edwards stands out in terms of just how shocking and damaging it could have been. Think about it. This douchebag John Edwards was running for President of the United States. What if Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton cancelled each other out and somehow the weakest link ended up getting the nomination? Don’t think it’s so far fetched. Democrats have a history of picking the weakest candidate (See 2004 and the selection of John “Lurch” Kerry over Howard “Yee-Haww” Dean). Imagine if this scandal broke after the DNC. We’d be pretty much guaranteed a McCain/Palin Administration just because this self righteous asshole was too busy thinking about power and pussy instead of the fact that the skeletons in his closet could end up fucking us over. In this day and age, secrets don’t keep…especially ones involving a democratic candidate for President who is cheating on his wife…who just so happens to have cancer.
Runners Up John McCain - Sarah Palin was the most qualified Republican woman? GTFOH. You know better. Thank God the American people didn’t fall for it this time.
Slut of the Year Bristol Palin
Sorry but I never bought the bullshit. Levi Johnson said it himself on his MySpace page. He didn’t want kids. But when the girl you are dating gets pregnant, her mom has been tapped to run for Vice President on the Republican ticket AND she’s against abortion…you’re officially screwed. I always love how Republicans set themselves up to put their own foot in their mouths. You’re against abortion and even worse, you only support abstinence only sex education…and then your daughter gets pregnant out of wedlock. The worse thing though was the facade that somehow these two were so deeply in love they wanted to get married. That’s a divorce waiting to happen. Sad thing for Levi though…he’ll have to wait until at least 2012 to get that divorce. He has to play happy until his future mother in-law realizes she’s out of her league when it comes to National politics.
Runner Up Ashley Dupre - One of the reasons I’m not in a rush to get married and have kids is because if my daughter grew up to be a hooker known for getting some politician caught up in a sex scandal, I might actually kill myself. I can only imagine what Dupre’s parents are going through. Their daughter has her own entry in Wikipedia for being the hooker that got Eliot Spitzer caught up. That’s the indicator that you failed as a parent.
Media punching bag of the Year Tucker Bounds
I don’t feel sorry for republican douchebags too often but honestly, the way Tucker Bounds was repeatedly beaten and abused verbally in front of millions of cable news watchers for 18 months was almost criminal. It was like watching those Anna Nicole Smith home movies where you knew the downward spiral you were watching couldn’t be happening to a more deserving person but it still made you cringe. Make no mistake Tucker Bounds is your typical white boy Republican douchbag who would try to convince you that the sky was green even if you can produce time stamped pictures of the sky clearly being blue. During the campaign his delusion about McCain’s chances reminded me of Washington Redskins fans that each year convince themselves that this year is different. I’ll give him credit for sticking to the Republican talking points even when it was clear that everyone else knew they were bullshit. Lesser McCain aides couldn’t do that. Even Carla Fiorina broke down when asked if she would hire Palin to run a company and said “no.” Bounds would have not only said “yes” but would have made an argument, albeit a flawed one, that she should get a bonus. It’s clear that the biggest loser of this Election wasn’t McCain or Palin but Bounds. What’s he going to do now? I say since he has a knack for getting pummeled by the media that he becomes George W. Bush’s personal spokesman. He can spend the next 15 years trying to convince everyone that Bush wasn’t that bad of a president.
Best Hot Mic Incident “It’s Over” -Peggy Noonan and Mike Murphy talking about McCain’s VP Choice
When Former Reagan speechwriter Peggy Noonan and former McCain adviser Mike Murphy were caught on tape saying “It’s over” and that picking Palin was “gimmicky” it only confirmed what most rational humans on the planet knew. Noonan later tried to clean it up and say that she was talking about it was “over” for the Republican party to assume it’s base was mainstream America…but we all know they were talking about John McCain picking the single most UNQUALIFIED person to ever be picked for Vice President. During the same incident Chuck Todd asked Noonan if Palin was the most qualified woman the Republicans could nominate and Noonan responded:
“The most qualified? No. I think they went for this, excuse me, political bullshit about narratives. Every time the Republicans do that, because that’s not where they live and that’s not what they’re good at, they blow it.”
It’s okay Peggy. 365 electoral votes to 173 electoral votes later and it turns out your original assessment was spot on. It was OVER.
Runners Up Shaq on Kobe – Okay, not really a hot microphone…Shaq knew it was going to be recorded and on youtube. But still…LOL. Rappers pay attention. You don’t have to shoot each other up…leave the beefing on wax.
Dumbass of the Year Plaxico Burress
After Orenthal James got himself arrested on felony charges in Vegas and “Ron Mexico” going down for running a criminal enterprise across state lines involving pit bulls, you would think NFL players would have smartened up. At first I thought it was going to be Pacman Jones to get this award. I was flabbergasted when this negro got a second lease on his football life from Rodger Goodell, a nice contract from Jerry Jones and the Cowboys, his own personal security detail and yet still managed to get his ass in trouble. But in a bizarre and dumbfounding turn of events, Super Bowl Wide Receiver Plaxico Burress swooped in at the last minute to snatch this award from the outstretched hands of Pacman (Extremely ironic when you consider Pacman is a DB and Burress is a WR). A black athlete getting caught with an unregistered gun isn’t really that shocking of a discovery. But when that discovery is due to the fact that said athlete shot himself in the leg, the mind tends to overload from the stupidity. I’m still wondering if it’s the same leg that had forced Burress to sit out some games and be such a bust on my Fantasy Football team. Sorry but I don’t have sympathy for these idiots that claim they need a gun to protect themselves when they a) Haven’t been properly trained in using a gun for self defense and b) Keep a loaded gun in some baggy sweat pants basically ensuring themselves that they won’t be able to pull the gun out in time. Which leads me to another thought. Black celebrities always claim that they need to protect themselves with these weapons because they are targets at clubs. But if the dress code of the club allows you to come in sweatpants…don’t you think that is not a reputable establishment you need to be at?
Runners Up OJ – 15 – Sentenced to 33 years for robbery with a deadly weapon, burglary with a firearm (aren’t these two redundant?), first degree kidnapping with a deadly weapon and other felony charges for trying to get back some cheap ass memorabilia with the other members of the retired A-Team. Again, White People…it’s okay to say this was payback. We get it. Hell, you didn’t even try with this one. His co-defendants got probation.
Dumbass Song(s) of the Year Lollipop
Last year he was on a song about duffle bags that looked like man purses. This year he makes a song about lollipops. I predict next year Lil Wayne raps about getting a manicure and facial. It’s the next logical step in rap music’s emasculation of men. And that doesn’t even go into the fact that Lil Wayne basically took the old Tootsie Roll Pop commercial (The one with the Owl) and made it into a song. And mofos were still shaking their asses to this in the club. And when I say “shaking their asses” I’m unfortunately not just talking about women. Now I got into a heated discussion about putting Lollipop as dumbass song of the year over Bust it Baby by Plies. Yes, Bust it Baby was stupid as hell. I have yet to find someone who can tell me what a Bust it Baby is. Of course that hasn’t stopped girls from singing the song (Here’s a hint ladies…whatever it is, it can’t be good). Bust it Baby is so bad that they had to do it twice, the second time they put Neyo on it so that he could actually translate what Plies was trying to say. Still, in my opinion Lollipop was worse because of the way it infectiously corrupted the brain cells of people by slowly growing on them like a fungus. It grew on people so much now some are actually saying they like it. Bust it Baby didn’t have that power. You could turn away from Bust it Baby, but Lollipop seems to draw people to listen to it. It’s like when you go to the zoo and you see monkeys fucking . You know you should turn away but yet, you are still intrigued.
Runner Up Bust It Baby - When you need a remix of the original in order to put an R&B singer on it to translate what you are trying to say…you need to stop making music
Crybaby of the Year Young Buck
I have a particular disgust for rappers who talk a lot of gangsa shit but then end up being softer than a new born baby’s bottom. Hearing Young Buck begging and crying on the phone made a little piece of me die. No man should have to get to that level. It’s quite pathetic. You fucked up. Take the consequences of your actions and deal with them. Don’t call another grown man crying. It’s quite disgusting.
Runner Up Country of Georgia - Let me see if I have this straight. The U.S. is bogged down in two wars and is going through some financial problems…and you thought they would come to your aid when you taunted the sleeping Russian bear? Seriously, if I had been President and I got that 3 am phone call begging for help, I would have hung the phone up and rolled back over.
Gangstas of the Year The Axis of Evil + Putin and Russia
Kim Jong-il and North Korea bully the U.S. into giving them concessions and aid by promising to end their Nuclear program, only to restart it shortly after destroying ONE of their reactors. Mahmoud Ahmadinejad goes on his “Death to America” tour to the U.N. and Columbia University, then is later joined in South America by Hugo Chavez where they plan a new oil partnership. Russia, filling in the empty Axis of Evil seat vacated by Iraq, stomps a mudhole into Georgia for stepping out of line and tells Bush flat out “You put a missile defense grid in the states around us and we’ll point nuclear weapons at them.” Even Iraq, the Former Axis of Evildoer now on probation has taken some stands, like having a $79 billion surplus but having the U.S. foot the reconstruction bill, playing hardball with the Bush Administration on the U.S.-Iraq security agreement and how can we all forget the shoe-throwing incident. I knew it was stupid when Bush decided to call out the “Axis of Evil” during his State of the Union Address back in 2002. Aside from being an extremely juvenile and comic-booky term for a sitting President to use, it just seemed like a really bad idea to hit the hornet’s nest with a stick.
Athlete of the Year Barack Obama
Sorry Michael Phelps but I’m still tripping on the fact that the next President of the United States has game. He has the nuclear codes and he can also drain a jumper in your face from 22 feet out. That’s a cold mofo right there.
Use of Expired 15 Minutes of Fame Tie between Sarah Palin and Joe the Plumber
The way the media still talks about Sarah Palin you wouldn’t think that John McCain and Sarah Palin got blown out by Barack Obama and Joe Biden in the electoral college and that states like Indiana, Virginia and North Carolina turned blue. But the media loves a train wreck. Clips from the Charlie Gibson and Katie Couric interviews still haunt my nightmares with what could have been the next Vice President of the United States. The McCain camp seemed to realize this too and almost immediately after the lost tried to put the Hockey Mom back into the bottle…but it seems that they might be too late. They actually convinced this lady that she can be President. Just recently she said that the greatest mistake of the campaign was not letting her speak to the media more. Yes…you read that right. The lady that went on national television and on multiple occasions said that being geographically close to Russia gives her foreign policy experience thinks she should have been talking to reporters MORE. Unbelievable.
But Sarah Palin wasn’t alone. Joe the Plumber was also just as much an annoying 15 minute of famer as her. Joe became famous for a 6 minute impromptu discussion he had with Barack Obama in which, after spending 5 minutes trying to explain his tax plan to this undercover Republican douchebag Barack tried to dumb it down even further for this idiot by saying “spread the wealth” and John McCain and Republicans took that 5 second clip and put it on loop. Just like Sarah Palin, a little digging from the media found that Joe wasn’t really who he said he was. He didn’t own a business and he’d actually get a tax cut under Obama’s plan. That didn’t stop him from milking his new found fame. He claimed to be an Independent but he spewed Republican talking points so well (Obama scares me, he’s a socialist, blah blah blah) he damn near lived on Fox News (along with his ¾ retarded friend Tito the Builder). Apparently there’s a book deal in the works and he’s also trying to get his music career started. Seriously, if douchebags like Joe the Plumber represent every day Americans…we are fucked.
Stop Being So PC Award Tropic Thunder Complaints Okay. Let’s explain something. Robert Downey Jr. played a “black” guy in Tropic Thunder. Yes, Robert Downey Jr. is White and no, if they had picked a black guy for the role it wouldn’t have worked. See, Tropic Thunder was satire folks. Satire – the use of irony, sarcasm, ridicule and the like, in exposing, denouncing or deriding vice, folly, etc. So, having Downey play an actor who goes to any length for a part, including a “radical surgery” to play a black guy would fall under that category. They say it’s “not satire if people don’t get it.” That’s not true because I’m almost sure that 80% of the population doesn’t get satire. Same goes for those that protested Tropic Thunder for the “Simple Jack” portion because they felt that the movie was making fun of retarded people. Again, if that’s the baseline for protesting a movie then we might as well stop making satire movies all together. I wonder if people would have been pissed if Downey had thrown on some sandals and a head scarf or if Stiller was blind. Somehow I doubt it. I understand that some people misuse the term “satire” (See the recent case of Tennessee Republican Chip Saltsman and his ‘Barack the Magic Negro’ CD). However you have to be able to see that correct satire has a point (which if you watch Tropic Thunder in it’s entirity, you will see) and “satire” like Mr. Saltsman’s is just a way of disguising predjudice.
Disturbing Trend of the Year Skinny jeans
Do men who wear skinny jeans not see how ridiculous they look in the mirror before they walk out the house? There’s nothing wrong with some regular, non-baggy jeans…but when you are wearing jeans that make compressor shorts seem free flowing, that’s a problem. What’s next? Bringing back those fish net half shirts in the summer time? On second thought…forget I said that, cause someone out there will do that. This trend disturbs me because it means one of two things: 1. Men are becoming gayier or 2. Men’s balls are shrinking. Either one is very disturbing.
Underperformer of the Year Beyonce
I wanted to give this award to Lil Wayne with his lackluster and lyrically lazy Carter III album (I don’t care that it sold a 1 million and got 8 Grammy nominations, it sucked) but I can’t ignore the travesty that is Beyonce. Just like Keanu Reeves and his blank stare as he murmured “I know Kung Fu”, I can picture Beyonce standing in front of a mirror with a Stepford Wife blank stare saying “I am Sasha Fierce” in front of it. Apparently “Sasha” is Beyonce’s on stage persona and if that’s the case, Beyonce needs to keep Sasha on the stage and out of the studio. Normally when I write about something, I’ve researched it but in this case, I couldn’t get past the three horrible singles Beyonce’s released. The new woman’s anthem “Single Ladies” is one of the worse songs I’ve ever heard. Aside from the fact that its basically all chorus and the video was the laziest I’ve ever seen (sorry, I can see butt naked woman shaking it just like that on YouTube any day of the week) the after effects make it worse. Now just about every girl out there, from the fine as wine types to the bloated Gollum troll looking bitches are pointing to their ring fingers and saying “Put a ring on it.” Bitch I wouldn’t give you an order of onion rings. Also I can’t help but feel that Beyonce is a little schizophrenic (Probably a side effect of giving Sasha a microphone). On the one hand she has Like a Boy (Didn’t Ciara already do this concept?) which tries to get men to think about how they treat women (which is pointless since no man is really listening to this CD) but then on Diva she’s talking about being a female version of a hustla. You can’t have it both ways.
Runners Up Lil Wayne – Again, I don’t care if it sold a million records the first week. So did 50 Cent’s The Masssacre and that album was also some human feces. Dr. Dre - Look, just go ahead and say you don’t have it anymore. Don’t blame it on Eminem hitting his stride again. We’ve been waiting for another record for what? 8 years now? Hillary Clinton - So what if she got 18 million votes? She lost to a black freshman senator. Hillary Clinton was the inevitable. She was supposed to crush her democratic competition and then eat the republicans alive. Sure, she got a Secretary of Defense job out of it, but still, it’s a huge step down from where she wanted to be.
Losers of the Year Detroit Lions Worse.Sports Franchise.Ever. Again, I’m writing this before the results come in from the last games of the season but I’m betting that the Packers don’t pull a Baltimore Ravens from last year and mess up my chance for seeing a NFL team go 0 – 16. I think next year they should suit up some cheerleaders. The skill levels will be about the same and they might be distracting enough to win a game or two. I asked this on a recent podcast, why are the Lions still called a professional football team? All the rest of the teams need to donate their draft picks so that Detroit can get a whole new team. One #1 draft pick isn’t going to do much. Speaking of #1 draft picks…how much does it suck to be the #1 draft pick next year knowing you are going to a team that just got in the record books for not winning a single game all season?
Person(s) of the Year The American People
People Magazine took the easy way out when they selected Barack Obama as the Person of the Year. Yes, Obama definitely is deserving of the award. He came from no where, implemented the 50 State Strategy, took down the Clinton political machine, held racist bastards at bay and then beat the well liked Republican Maverick and his pet Hockey Mom. All while inspiring a nation. That’s huge. Definitely deserving. But the American people as a whole are more deserving. Over the last 8 years I began to lose faith in the ability of the American People to see through the bullshit and focus on the important stuff. There were plenty of opportunities during the election for the American people revert back to paying attention to wedge issues and petty stuff but they didn’t. First, they looked past Barack Obama’s race (for the most part). Then there was the Reverend Wright incident. Then all the rumors, negative ads and just silliness (Obama’s a socialist?) that came in the fall. Through it all, the American people stepped up to the plate and said “Not this time.” I’ll be honest, Obama gambled. He repeatedly said during the election that he had faith in the American people to see through the “silly season” and focus on the issues at hand. I didn’t think it would happen but it did. Of course only time will tell if this is a temporary moment of clarity or if people have really awaken from their intellectual slumber. Sadly, I don’t think it’ll be lasting long but for now…I’ll enjoy it.
So the Republican Governors are having a pity party in Florida this week in order to figure out how to get their party back on track. Understandable considering republicans got their asses whooped on November 4th. A lot of political pundits have been giving their opinions on what the Republicans need to do to get themselves back on track and I think most of the advice given is idiotic. So here are some of my thoughts on what the Republican Party needs to do (Take it or leave it Republicans):
Stop Whining
For a party that’s all about “personal responsibility” the Republicans are the biggest group of whiners I know. I can’t be the only one that’s noticed them try to pin the financial crisis on the Democrats. “It’s Barney Frank and Chris Dodd and the super liberal Nancy Pelosi’s fault” and “The Democrats have been in charge for the last two years and look what they did to our financial system!!!” Okay, look, you’re not fooling anyone. Republicans until 2006 had been in charge of the Congress since the second half of the Clinton administration. Plus, when Democrats did get a small majority in the Congress in 2006, they a) Didn’t have a filibuster proof majority and b) Didn’t have enough of a majority to override the Republican President’s veto power. So if you want to get back to the glory days, stop blaming democrats and start blaming yourselves. And just blaming Bush isn’t enough. 90% of republicans blindly supported the President…until it was time for their own re-election. Also, blaming the media is played out. The “liberal media” Republicans like to put in their crosshairs damn near gave them full support at the beginning of the War on Terror. You look foolish and stupid crying about the “liberal media bias” one minute and then showing up doing interviews on CNN, MSNBC, Leno, Letterman, The Daily Show, etc. If the media’s really the problem, then stop talking to them. But we both know the media isn’t the problem.
Minority Out Reach
Black Republicans are always talking about how the Democratic Party takes the African-American vote for granted. While that maybe true, at least the Democrats acknowledge it. The Republicans make ZERO attempts to cater to the African-American or Latino American vote. ZERO. As a matter of fact, whenever a Black Republican tries to defend their party, they have to go back to the 1960’s to find a time when the Republicans did help the African American community. What they always seem to leave out is that Democrats and Republicans played musical chairs and switched roles shortly after. The bottom line is, despite their win on Tuesday in the General Election, Democrats aren’t going to rest on their laurels. Ask the Gay community what it’s like to take the African American vote for granted. So Republicans are already behind the curve on this issue and need to find some way of getting into the game because if Democrats can keep up the enthusiasm that Obama generated this election…Republicans are screwed. And, belittling the struggles of African Americans by some how claiming you understand the struggles of minorities because your husband is an 1/8th Eskimo isn’t a good start.
Fear Doesn’t Work Anymore
It’s 2008. The Fear Card doesn’t work. The idea that you can scare voters into pulling the lever/touching the screen for you, by telling them that the evil terrorist are going to kill them and cut off the heads of their children doesn’t work. Remember that liberal media I told you to stop blaming? Well that same liberal media loved to eat up all the “red meat”/”The Democrats are weak on National Defense” bullshit you all were talking at your National Convention. The problem for you Republicans (and the media) is that the average American didn’t fall for it. After 8 years of being told that we need to give up our civil liberties to be protected, we the people are sick of seeing our money wasted in the name of National Defense to buy items like protecting the corn fields of Iowa, buying Hazmat trucks in Ohio, The Patriot Act being used to put petty drug criminals in jail, half a trillion dollars going to the War in Iraq, U.S. tax dollars building bridges and roads…in Iraq, etc. The “Fight them there so we don’t have to fight them here” sounded good when Republicans first started saying it..that is…until we realized that our tax money was going to pay for another countries infrastructure while ours here at home crumbled. Not a good look.
Stop with the Anti-Intellectualism
This is probably the single most important reason why I will never be a republican. Don’t get me wrong, Democrats can be anti-intellectual and down right dumb sometimes too…but they don’t seem to bask in ignorance and take complete pride in it like Republicans do. Not believing in man-caused Global Warming? Stupid. Wanting to teach Intelligent Design as science because Evolution is a theory (So is gravity you morons)? Idiotic. Gays getting married isn’t the end of our society. Even beyond that, when some republican does stand up to their own party for having tunnel vision, they get ridiculed. Look at the Kathleen Parker and Colin Powell (shoot, any Republican that said a good word about Obama) treatments for more evidence. That was made even worse by the fact that very few prominent Republicans came to their defense (Nice to know that’s how you treat your party intellectuals). Add in the idiots like Michelle Bachman (Again, no one really came out of the Republican party to condemn her) who try to question the patriotism of democrats and any other Republican that tried to act as though there really was a question as to whether Obama loved his country and was a citizen (Again, anyone with a brain wouldn’t ask that). Round it off with Ann Coulter, Michelle Malkin, Rush Limbaugh and Sean Hannity who are touted as Republican intellects only because they have the unique ability to rattle off out of context statements and muddle facts at break neck speeds, and you have a big reason why I will NEVER vote republican. Obama won a lot of support because he appeared smart. Hell, he is smart. Americans seem to be more comfortable with a guy who can stand up and say, “I might not have all the answers now, but if we all sit down and think about it…we can get through this.” Obama was able to comfort a lot of people’s fears by saying “We might not agree, but we can work something out.” Republicans on the other hand are use to just screaming “You’re wrong, I’m right” and then shoving their fingers in their ears and singing “La la la la la…” Well, at least that’s what the Bush Administration did. The American people didn’t like that too much.
Get Into the Internet Age
The Joe the Plumber angle would have worked 8 years ago. Before Youtube. The reason the Joe the Plumber/Socialism angle didn’t work for the McCain campaign has escaped the mainstream media. It’s quite simple. Before that fateful debate when McCain invoked Joe the Plumber, the entire 5 minute conversation between Joe the Plumber and Barack Obama was already making its rounds on the Internet…by Obama supporters. Obama supporters were sending the entire exchange to all their friends as an explanation of Obama’s tax policy. Of course Fox News and the Drudge Report only focused in on the 5 second clip where Obama says “redistribute wealth” but most people in that young demographic had already seen the entire clip. Quite honestly, after seeing the whole clip, the “socialism” claim by Republicans seems completely retarded. Of course you still have Republicans claiming that now…after the election. Guess they haven’t learned their lesson. Hear me now. The day of the 30 second soundbite is OVER. The Internets or “The series of Tubes” as convicted felon (and maybe once moreAlaskan Senator) Ted Stevens calls it, makes the ability to send out entire exchanges almost trivial. It’s harder to take someone out of context when they can play the whole clip. It’s time to get up with the times. You put a 72-year old who can barely use a blackberry and claims not to be able to send an email up against a 47 year old hip and cool black man who “pals around” with the CEO of Google and founders of Facebook. Again…not a good look.
Tell Palin to Stay in Alaska
Seriously. The election is over. You can all admit she was an unqualified, Hail Mary of a pick. We won’t hold it against you…although shame on John McCain and anyone else with National Security credentials that cosigned on the Sarah Palin VP pick. The last minute selection of Sarah Palin for Vice President is a prime example of Republicans playing politics instead of focusing on (ironically) Country First. There were plenty of candidates that could have been picked who weren’t from Washington, were moderates, were women, etcetera that would have been better choices. Instead, staunch conservatives undercut John McCain’s moderate stances and maverick behavior by forcing him to pick an unqualified hardcore right wing conservative. We’d probably be talking about a President Elect McCain if it had been a Tom Ridge or a Joe Liebermann or even an Olympia Snow. Just on ideology alone the Palin pick (despite the media intrigue) was bad. Sarah Palin is so far to the right she charges rape victims for their on rape kits. Come on. And then when you throw in the fact that she had ZERO world view before being tapped and that she can only say two words relating to policy (“Energy Independence”) she was a disaster and the American people as a whole weren’t falling for it (60% say she was not qualified). Now you Republicans have created a monster and have to find someway of making Palin understand that she’s bad for the party. After Tim Pawlenty and Bobby Jindal actually making some meaningful strides to do an introspective look at the party, Palin’s speech at the Governor’s Association conference where she replayed the McCain camps “Greatest Flops” probably wasn’t the best move forward. You need to find some way of nipping her in the bud. And don’t believe the hype. We Obama supporters are NOT afraid of Palin in 2012. We’re actually praying that you’re stupid enough to do it. Yeah she rallied conservatives, but she turned off everyone else. Just like Obama had to move to the middle, so do you all. Also despite her liberal media interview blitz after the election, we still haven’t heard a single substantive policy speech(No the special needs children speech doesn’t count), interview or press conference from Governor Palin since she came into the spotlight in September. Bottome line…we don’t want someone like us in the White House. We want someone competent.
