Well it’s about to be the end of 2009 and the beginning of a new decade.  Since last year this site has come a long way.  We have new subscribers for the podcast (we’re  back on iTunes), readers of the website have increased significantly and I’ve spread my brand of insanity to Twitter as well.  I owe all the fun and success I’ve had with The Insanity Report to all of you all that support me (I’m tearing up here).  Thanks and I look forward to 2010 being even better…and by better, I mean crazier.

So without further ado, I give you the 2009 End of the Year WTF Awards.

Word of the Year “Injudicious”
Injudicious

in·ju·di·cious
adj.
Lacking or showing a lack of judgment or discretion; unwise.

I was thinking long and hard what would the word of the year be.  This was probably the hardest part of this entire write up.  I mean there are so many words that could encompass this year.  But I think Injudicious is the winner.  Lack of judgment?  Yeah, that’s a good description of 2009.  There was Method Man getting his car repossessed because he got too high to remember to pay his bills.  Lil Wayne and all the women he slept with who thought using condoms was optional.  Sticking with Lil Wayne, there was also that idiotic song where he has “Whip it like a slave” as the hook.  How about the man who called 911 over his orange juice? Then what about all the politicians that did dumb things after the election of Barack Obama?  Michael Steele doing the Heisman on Morning Joe.   Like the mayor who sent out the White House watermelon patch email? The media got in on the action with The NY Post decision to link a monkey attack with the stimulus plan.  Wolf Blitzer and the rest of the media’s brain dead following of Richard Heene and his made up “My son got carried away by a balloon that looks like a jiffypop.  Even the President himself got a little caught up in this when, while I understood what he was saying, started a national debate when he said the Cambridge police acted “stupidly” for arresting Professor Henry Gates for “breaking into” his own home. And when you read some of this year’s recipients, yeah…I think injudicious sums up 2009 nicely.

Loser of the Year
Jim Cramer
Jim Cramer stayed losing like a one-legged fat kid in a dodgeball game.  First he made the mistake of going on The Daily Show thinking Jon Stewart was “just a comedian” and in turn got himself embarrassed for almost 30 straight minutes.  Then Lenny Dyskstra went broke, which you would think didn’t really have anything to do with Jim Cramer…..except last year Cramer was telling people Lenny Dyskstra, the man who looks like he doesn’t know what day it is, was a financial genius.  And then finally, at the end of the year, Cramer was begging people to buy into CitiGroup…that it was going to be strong buy…only to have CitiGroup’s stock offering go so poor they decided to hold off on selling its stock.  Of course Cramer always has an excuse for what he “really meant.”  Bottom line, if you’re listening to Jim Cramer for stock advice, just get all the money you planned on investing and burn it in your backyard.  At least the fire will keep you warm for a bit.

Person of the Year
Orly Taitz
Seriously folks, imagine how boring 2009 would have been without Orly Taitz.  I mean sure, we had death panels, Rush Limbaugh, Sarah Palin, Glenn Beck, people bring guns to Health Care Rallies, Tea Party protesters and a whole slew of other crazy folks but really, was there any group that represented the truly insane nature of 2009 better than the “birthers.”  To make it even better, God gave us the gift of Orly Taitz as the face of the birther movement.  I mean, you can’t have someone who looks and acts normal as the face of a group of people that think Obama is a Nigerian born Muslim sleeper cell who has been conspiring to be President since he was in his mother’s womb.  No, you need someone with a mid-80’s jewish woman hairdo and look, a high pitched voice and the mannerisms of person so high on meth Gary Busey couldn’t hang.  Taitz is a lawyer AND a dentist.  That alone has me thinking of all kinds of crazy scenarios.  Like she gives herself a root canal and then sues herself for malpractice.  And don’t put it past her.  Orly Taitz is a certified nutcase. Honestly, best case scenario is that Taitz is addicted to nitrous oxide and that she huffs some before every interview or court case she does.  Taitz is so crazy that other birthers, who are undoubtedly insane in their own right, thought she was bat shit insane.  Some of the birthers she represented in her lawsuits thought she was so crazy that they asked her to be removed as council.  But the absolutely best moment (which solidified her as Person of the Year for me) was when she appeared on MSNBC with Tamron Hall and David Shuster.  You almost feel bad for her….almost. And like herpes, she just won’t go away either.  Just when you thought, with all her lawsuits dismissed and being chastised by clients AND judges, we’d be able to get out of 2009 without hearing from Orly, what do we get blessed with?  An 11-page love letter from a former client/lover/fellow nut case to her.  Seriously, I hope Orly donates her brain to science when she dies because this kind of crazy has to be studied in a lab.

Comeback Kid
Brett Favre
It pains me to do it because I loathe this man, but compared to what he was last season its like his fairy God mother showed up at midnight one night with a box full of accuracy and wand full “NotSuck”.  Now I will say I believe having the human Tecmobowl player Adrian Peterson as your running back does take a lot of pressure off of a QB.  But for now, Favre has made a successful comeback.  But don’t expect it to last too long.  Soon the clock will strike 12 and Favre will go back to the human turnover machine we’ve all come to expect.

“How the Fuck Did They Get Elected” Award
Michele Bachmann
Bachmann is such a nutcase that when you start to watch her speak, its as if you got transported to the dining table with the Mad Hatter in Wonderland.  Listening to some of the things that come out of this woman’s mouth, you have to start wondering what the demography is for her district in Minnesota.  I’m betting they run low on Reynolds Wrap constantly.  Since going over all of Michele Bachmann’s craziness for 2009 would be so extensive it would need its own post, I’m just going to focus on my two favorite ones.  First there were her claims about Obama trying to indoctrinate our kids.  See, the President had this crazy and underhanded idea to require our kids to have to do community service before they could graduate high school.  Well, republicans don’t like mandates…hence why we have the Patriot Act and warrantless wiretapping…cause civil liberties aren’t really requirements.  According to Bachmann, requiring community service is Obama’s way of starting our kids down the slippery slope of socialism indoctrination.  I can see that.  Socialism…social work…see, its basically the same thing.  First you have kids picking up trash, next thing you know they’re calling each other “comrade.”  But Bachmann’s crowning jewel was her claim of Sex clinics and abortion field trips.  No people, I can’t even make this shit up.  Don’t take my words for it…read Michele Bachmann’s words yourself:

The bill goes on to say what’s going to go on — comprehensive primary health services, physicals, treatment of minor acute medical conditions, referrals to follow-up for specialty care — is that abortion? Does that mean that someone’s 13 year-old daughter could walk into a sex clinic, have a pregnancy test done, be taken away to the local Planned Parenthood abortion clinic, have their abortion, be back and go home on the school bus that night? Mom and dad are never the wiser.

Still don’t believe it?  Then fine…watch her say it.

Did you see that?  She seamlessly transitioned from physicals and “minor acute medical conditions” to somehow abortions.  I don’t even know how one could even begin to come to the conclusion she did even if they downed a whole bottle of 100 Proof Captain Morgan and then did a line of coke.  I mean I know we’re all a little crazy, but there’s something hilariously unsettling about watching Bachmann spew her craziness on the floor of the House.

Runner Up – Arnold Schwarzenegger
It sometimes makes me wonder just how shitty Gray Davis was that Californians were so disgusted that they willingly and knowingly elected Conan the Barbarian as their Governor.  Sure Minnesota has elected Michele Bachmann and Jesse ‘The Body Ventura’ but they redeemed themselves with Al Franken because Stuart Smalley has turned out to be one heck of a Senator.  But Schwarzenegger Cali?  Really?  The Terminator as your savior only works if your name is John Connor and this is the sequel.  In the middle of a financial crisis Californians elected him and 4 years later can we really be shocked that the man who during the first half of his career could only say 4 words more than the Incredible Hulk, couldn’t get the job done?  Are you really surprised?  Put down the legalized weed and pay more attention.  Do Better!!!

Buzzwords of the Year
“Redistribution of Wealth”, Socialism
I blame President Obama.  It all started with the 2008 election.  If he hadn’t taken that stroll and tried to explain his plan for the economy to an idiot plumber named Joe, maybe…just maybe “Redistribution of wealth” wouldn’t have been such an idiotic buzzword this year.  As it stands though, ‘Redistribution of Wealth’ and ‘Socialism’ became the rallying cry of the Tea Party protesters who claimed that Obama was the second coming of Karl Marx.  Hell, Glenn Beck’s popularity is based solely on this.  But its all a farce.  See, while Beck and the GOP claim that Obama is some kind of communist, interested in taking from those that have and spreading it to those who haven’t earned it…the facts just don’t bear that out.  See, if anything…Obama’s Administration has proven to be the epitome of capitalism.  I mean look at the stock market.  It’s exploded from what it was at the beginning of the year.  While Beck and others claim Obama is a “socialist”, pointing to low level officials like Van Jones…Larry Summers is CAKING.

Cheater of the Year
The Dynamic Trio – Mark Sanford, John Edwards and John Ensign
Yeah, I know…you’re thinking, “What?  No Tiger Woods?”  Yup, no Tiger Woods.  Tiger Woods playing an extra round of gold and sticking his penis in a 19^th, 20^th (or even 21^st) extra hole doesn’t really bother me or have an impact on my life.  Just further proves my theory that the bigger the star athlete and the increase in available va-jay-jay, the more likely the cheater.  However the 3 politicians that are sharing this award are receiving it for not only being incredible douchebags in the way they are getting it but also in the way that they either have or could have screwed us, the American people. Let’s look at them one at a time:

John Edwards – Last year’s “Worse Politician of the Year”, you would think the worse was over for Edwards.  Oh but no, it did get worse.  Not only did his wife Elizabeth give her first interview after the announcement of his infidelity on Oprah (As a man, that’s an automatic lost) but all signs point to Rielle Hunter’s baby being his.  Oh, and then there was the story that came out about how he promised to marry Hunter when Elizabeth died.  And to top it all off, as a reminded of just how much he could have screwed us all over, the 1^st site that pops up in Google when you type in “John Edwards” is his ‘John Edwards for President’ page.

John Ensign – It takes a certain set of balls to actively vote against Health Care Reform for millions of Americans when at the same time you’re under investigation for writing a check for $96K to family of your mistress.  Oh republicans…their moral compasses only work for other people. “I don’t understand why people can’t afford health care?  Just get the guy who’s sleeping with your wife to write you a check…duh”

Mark Sanford – Edwards and Ensign are asshats, but Mark Sanford he takes the cake.  Sanford had the passion of a Cassanova with the execution of say, a Mr. Bean.  It’s one thing to cheat on your wife, but its another to skip out on your kids during FATHERS DAY WEEKEND to get some nooky from your Argentinian mistress.  I mean, just not skip out of town and cross state lines.  No…I mean fly to ARGENTINA.  On FATHERS DAY. TO SLEEP WITH YOUR MISTRESS.  Oh…did I mention he also did this as Governor of South Carolina…leaving to fly to Argentina without telling anyone.  Then he acted surprised that people were so interested in just where the hell he went.  Sanford also happened to be one of those Republican governors that was “taking a stand” against accepting federal stimulus money.  Money that even republicans in the states senate desperately wanted to save the citizens of South Carolina = Bad.  Using State money to fly to Argentina for a piece of ass = Good.

Ether Statement of the Year *
Alec Baldwin vs Jack Cafferty
I like Jack Cafferty, I really do.  But sometimes even the good people need to be brought back down to earth.  Hell, I wake up in the morning and tell myself “You ain’t shit” just to make sure I stay grounded. Sometimes TV personalities can get caught up in their own hubris and well that happened to Cafferty when he tried to say that Alec Baldwin’s credentials to run for political office were questionable. Jack’s first mistake was overlooking Alec’s most impressive credential…being the only talented one out of the Baldwin brothers.  And Alec used that talent to….eviscerate Cafferty.

“Jack, you don’t tell people that a career in the performing arts disqualifies them from seeking elected office, and I won’t say publicly that your being convicted of leaving the scene of an accident in which you struck a cyclist and then ran two red lights while you were pursued by the police and were subsequently ordered to serve 70 hours of community service back in May of 2003 disqualifies you from posing as a “Man of the People” on a major cable news network.”

Ouch.  That kinda hurt my soul.

*Proceeds of this award go to Nasir Jones and helping him pay off that $51k a month alimony payment to Kelis

Dumb Fad of the Year
Snuggies
If you gave someone or you asked for a snuggie for Christmas, and you were serious about it…you my friend, have a serious mental issue that you need to have checked out.  I actually believe the snuggie is a covert domestic surveillance program by the Obama Administration to figure out just who the idiots are in this country.  In 2011, everyone who has bought a snuggie will find themselves rounded up in some kind of “camp”.  Seriously people, who pays $19.95 (plus shipping & handing) for  a blanket…with sleeves.  Are we that lazy of a people now? Even if (and this is a big if) you need to have a blanket with sleeves, how lazy are you that you can’t just buy a $5 fleece blanket and sew it together yourself?  I mean for $19.95 that shit should at least come with a hood so you can pretend you’re Obi Wan Kenobi.  And now they have snuggies for your dog.  What the fuck is that about?  Your dog has fur…he’s not gonna get cold in your house.  If your dog is getting cold in your house, he doesn’t need a snuggie, he needs an owner who isn’t too cheap to turn the heat up above “Arctic”.

Dumb Blonde of the Year
Carrie Prejean
You know, I didn’t really have a problem with Carrie Prejean’s ‘opposite marriage’ response during the 2009 Miss America pageant.  Compared to the bumbling fumbling Miss South Carolina (‘And such as’), Prejean wasn’t that bad.  Sure, it was a really stupid way of saying ‘gay marriage’ but what do you expect?  These pageant winners aren’t exactly the brightest bulbs in the pack.  Just be happy Prejean was semi-articulate.  Perez Hilton being the attention whore he is should have just left it alone instead of making some idiotic YouTube rant.  Instead, Prejean actually started to believe that she lost the Miss America because of her “Christian views” and this is where things started going downhill.  To point out hypocrisy in her “Christian views” racy pictures that Prejean had posed for topless were posted.  Then she was beefing with the California Miss America Pageant who turns out paid for her breast implants (And God said ‘Let there be silicon’).  Donald Trump got involved, first backing Prejean (She had a nice rack) and then a week or so later, firing her (Her Christian views wouldn’t let her put his penis in her mouth).  Also, I believe there’s a “sex tape” as well.  Somehow in the mist of all this fuckery, republicans looked at Prejean and, for reasons I can’t figure out decided, they would have her speak at one of their conventions/conferences.  Only thing I can figure out is that republicans have dubbed her the 4^th Horsewoman in the ‘4 Horsewomen of the Republican Women Who Say Really Dumb Things Apocalypse’.  She joins Sarah Palin, Michele Bachmann and Elisabeth Hasselbeck.

“Please Shut the Fuck Up in 2010″ Award
Darth Cheney and his evil Apprentice/Daughter Liz Cheney
Remember during the last 8 years, when any of us that questioned Bush were called “traitors”, “enemies of the state” and that the “terrorists would win” if we asked such questions as “Hey don’t you need a warrant for that?”.  Well apparently part of the “Change we can believe in” was that all that went away…and leading that charge was none other than the Sith Lord himself, Dick Cheney.  We saw and heard more from Darth Cheney in the first half of 2009 than we did his entire second term in office.  He did more interviews about Obama “dithering” than he did when he shot his friend in the face.  But in 2009, he wasn’t alone.  Somehow over the last 8 years between shooting fiends in the face, dodging congressional hearings and declaring himself a 4th branch of the government immune from any form of oversight, Cheney was training up his apprentice, Liz Cheney.  I don’t know if it was because her last name was Cheney or if people subscribe to the “don’t hit a girl” mentality in political debates, but Liz was allowed to say things her father would only dream about.  All that capped off when she made either a really bad joke or a dire prediction when she said “Palin/Cheney  2012″.  My God.  Help us.  Where’s luke Skywalker when you need him?

Runner Up -Meghan McCain
Listen, stick to showing your cleavage in TwitPics and leave the political analysis to the professionals.  Thanks.

Coon of the Year
Michael Steele
Whatever glimmer of hope any of us had about Michael Steele being a breath of fresh air as the RNC’s first African American chairman was quickly stomped out like a lost inner city youth being initiated into a gang.  Now if a Steele supporters reads this they’d probably automatically assume that I’m only calling Steele a coon because he’s a black republican.  This is false.  Condoleezza Rice and Colin Powel are republicans and while I don’t agree with them on some policy issues, I still have a degree of respect for them.  Steele gets this award for being willing participant in being used like puppet for the republican spin machine in a way that would make Uncle Ruckus shake his head in shame.  Fresh off of his election as chairman, Steele erased any hope that he would take the RNC into a new direction by back pedaling and graveling at the feet of Rush Limbaugh.  Seriously, it was the most disgusting thing I’ve ever seen a grown man do.  Steele originally seemed to have balls by saying that Limbaugh was “just an entertainer” but one threat from Limbaugh and Steele was calling Rush ready to lick his boot like a good house negro. And that was just the beginning.  When Steele tried to put out a “Senior’s Bill of Rights” for Health Care Reform, members of his party in essence told him to “Sit back, shut the fuck up and sign the checks.”  And then I could go on and on about his annoying Hip Hop references and attempts at being cool and the painfully obvious jealousy he has towards Barack Obama.

Quote of the year
Chez Pazienza on Maria Bartiromo

“CNBC’s Maria Bartiromo needs to stick do doing what she does best: standing around on the floor of the Stock Exchange looking like a cross between Sophia Loren and that thing that co-piloted the Millennium Falcon with Lando Calrissian in Return of the Jedi.” —Chez Pazienza

Some background.  Maria Bartiromo is an “analyst” for the Jim Cramer network i.e. CNBC.  She’s horrible.  As part of his systematic destruction of CNBC, Jon Stewart showed clips of her asking the usual suck up, non-hard hitting questions to financial sector CEO’s as they raped the American people.  To make matters worse MSNBC, being enthralled with her lack of depth and insight on financial issues would have her come onto Morning Joe to bless us with idiocy asinine rationality that would dwarf Joe’s.  Take for instance her asking Rep. Weiner, who is in his 40’s, if Medicare was so good why he wasn’t on it.  I don’t ask that you be an expert on every field to give your opinion, but if you’re too brain dead to know that Medicare starts at 65 then you should really keep those opinions to yourself.  But the real tipping point was when she battled Matt Taibbi on Morning Joe.  Matt was explaining how the health care system is broken.  Maria however argued that since America has the best medicine and doctors, obviously its not broken.  See, people with money like Maria are right…they have access to whatever they want.  But this idiot couldn’t see past her own bank account.  Seriously, watching her making her argument is like pouring acid directly on your brain stem. “I have a problem with 47 million number.  Because some of them are illegals”.  Right and we just let them die in the street Maria.  Those people don’t go to the ER and put a strain on our Health Care system.  Which leads me to the quote from Chez Pazienza.  Some people should just be creatures we find intriguing to look at and but not listen to.

Joe Jackson Child Exploiter of the Year

Jon & Kate Plus 8 minus Kate Plus 8 more – OctoMom versus Jon & Kate Plus 8

When we first were introduced to Nadya Suleman it seemed like one of those typical heart warming “Woman gives birth to a litter of human babies” stories we get every year.  What we got instead was the poster child for matriarchal dysfunction.  Looking like a cross between Angelina Jolie and the creature from Species, Suleman wasted no time attempting to cash in on her children.  Not to be out done, Jon & Kate Gosslin decided to put the collapse of their marriage not only in front of their 8 kids…but also millions of TV viewers.  Jon Gosslin finally realized that he was a man and that being emasculated on cable TV for millions can see might not be making him look good.  Oh and the whole “young kids on a reality TV show” thing probably isn’t good for their young psyche either.  But it gets better.  Like combining Mentos in a 2 liter bottle of Coke, these two colossal parental nightmares might be combining.  Octomom has said that she thinks Jon is cute and would love to do a show with him…even date him.  Jesus I think this chick really is the living breathing version of that alien from Species.  The combination of these two hyper-reproductive systems would be enough to triple the world’s population in 9 months.

Jackass of the Year
Kanye West
When the President of the United states calls you a jackass, I can’t argue with that. You can blame his mother dying for Kanye’s jackassery, but truth be told…Kanye was a jackass long before that. Since getting his ROC chain his ego has steadily inflated so much that Richard Heene might be using it for his next balloon hoax.  Have you seen the way he dresses?  Him and his gay looking posse dress so ludicrously that even South Park had to take a shot at him.  Even his dating choices make him look like a jackass.  He’s dating some chick that doesn’t even look real.  Amber Rose has the facial expressions of a mannequin with a Sinead O’Connor haircut.  But nothing tops what he did at the MTV Music Video awards.  First off, who shows up to the red carpet with a bottle of Henny wearing what looked like a patent leather button up black shirt with a chick wearing what could only be described as an anaconda skin body suit?  He then dug common sense out of its grave and teabagged it on live TV when he went up on stage and interrupted a 20 year old’s acceptance speech just to say Beyonce had the best video of all time?  I mean…come on, ‘Single Ladies’ isn’t even  Beyonce’s best video of all time.  ‘Single Ladies’ actually might be one of her worse videos.  Four fully clothed  chicks just shaking their asses, while entertaining, is NOT the best video of all time. Seriously, fuck this dude.  There’s a thin line between swagger and being an asshat.  And right now Kanye is walking around with the king jackass crown on.

Runner Up – Chris Brown
Beating your girlfriend’s ass senseless in a car is incredibly stupid and disgusting.  Doing that to a famous superstar should be career ending………unless your girlfriend is Rihanna and all your female fans secretly hate her for no reason and therefore will support you no matter how stupid you are.  Chris Brown dodged a bullet and then proceeded to, on several occasions, hop back into the middle of the fire fight with a huge bulls eye on his chest screaming “Shoot me!!!”  Someone seriously needs to sit this dude down and explain how lucky he is that he’s not in jail.

Most Disturbing Image of 2009
Stephon Marbury’s 24 hour Webcam Disaster
Was there any more disturbing thing we saw this year than Stephon Marbury’s 24 hour webcast?  I honestly don’t think so.  First there was the video of him crying to ‘Lean On Me’, shirtless, while one of his boys rubs his back and tries to comfort him.  Then there was the video of him eating Vaseline to help his sore throat.  And then there was the one of him dancing in front of the mirror, with facial cream on…to Michael Jackson.  Disturbed doesn’t even begin to explain this shit.  Now if watching the Knicks when they had Marbury was only this entertaining…

Holy Fuck Award of the Year
Craig Clasen
What did you do this year?  Get a new job?  New significant other?  Get a raise?  Maybe start your own business?  I’ll tell you one thing you didn’t do.  You didn’t kill a 12 foot tiger shark with your bare hands and finish it off by DROWNING IT.  Seriously, Clasen spent 2 hours locked in underwater combat with a creature God created for the sole purpose of killing things.  There’s not enough brass in the world that could reproduce the pair that Clasen has in his pants.  Greatest part of this whole EPIC encounter was that the friend Clasen was “saving” didn’t swim to safety…no, he stayed behind and took pictures.  PICTURES.  Seriously, WTF have you done with your life?

The “Slay’em on their own track” award
Eminem
How many times does Marshall Mathers need to do this before we give him a lifetime achievement award?  No really?  First Jay-Z, then Drake, Weezy & Kanye and then he ended the year by slaying Weezy again on his own track.  At what point do we look past his skin color and just say, this boy is skilled?  And I’m not dissing the other rappers.  Putting Eminem on the track automatically makes the other rappers step their game up.  Think Biggie when he did his track with Bone.  But still, Em does his best work when he’s on someone else’s tracks.  Its as if he has no passion for it on his own albums.  He’s like a basketball team that only plays good when they play a championship caliber team.

“Where the fuck are they now” Award
Bobby Jindal
Think back to November 4th 2008.  Actually, go back late August/early September at the party Conventions.  Republicans tried to pull the “Mr. Me too” and say that they were the party of minorities. McCain tried a cheap attempt at getting Clinton voters by picking Sarah Palin, the 5 black Republicans that bothered to go to Minneapolis in September were always in front of the camera and after the election, the RNC even voted for Michael Steele as the first African American to chair the Republican party.   But the “up and coming star” of the Republican party, the man who would stand up against the “radical” socialist black man, was none other than Louisiana Governor Bobby Jindal.  He was young, a minority, a governor…hey maybe he has a chance right?  Umm…no.  After Obama’s first speech to a joint session of Congress, Governor Jindal gave the worse rebuttal speech I’ve ever seen.  He looked like the Indian version of Mr. Rogers. I half expected him to put on his socks and asked us if we wanted to be his neighbor. Rachael Maddow summed up the response to Jindal’s speech about as well as anyone could:

We really haven’t heard from the good Governor since then.  Jindal represents a bigger issue with the GOP.  The nationally recognized minorities in the GOP just aren’t ready for prime time which didn’t help when they are thrust into the spotlight because the GOP wants to look diverse to compete with democrats and President Barack Obama.

Lie of the Year
Obama is using Cars.Gov to Spy on Your Computers
I’m going against the grain here and I’m not giving “Death Panels” the award here.  See, to me the ‘Death Panel’ hysteria wasn’t a lie.  It was a dog whistle for racist.  It was the secret handshake of the Ignoramus Fraternity.  Glenn Beck’s accusation that the Obama Administration was using the Cars.gov website and the “Cash for Clunkers” program to secretly take over citizen’s computers however, was just a plain flat out lie.  Not that we’d expect anything less from Glenn Beck, this whole lie was started by Glenn Beck and his watchers because they are about as technologically savvy as a 90 year old grandmother.  Here’s the lie:

When you log onto the cash for clunkers site, you are presented with a prompt telling you that your computer is now property of the federal government and that they can now download, upload and monitor everything on your computer.

Here’s the reality:

First off, the warning only came up for on the DEALER side of the site, not for regular people buying cars.  As a matter of fact, there was no login on the consumer side of the site (Lie #1).  Secondly, because dealers were sending sensitive information to government computers, a secure VPN connection was made.  The warning about “Your computer is no property of the federal government” is actually a standard warning that most contractors see whenever they connect to a government network (Lie #2).  And lastly, what Beck never bothered to tell any of his viewers was that at the time one of the advertisers for his show was a computer security company that sold “firewall and spyware protection.”  He even had them come on the show to talk about the “dangers” of what the government was doing.  Now most people would call that a “conflict of interest.”  To Glenn Beck…he calls that “Tuesday.”

Idiot of the year
Women sleeping with Lil Wayne with no condom
I don’t know but I’m pretty sure there are laws in this country against bestiality and I’m also fairly certain that ‘Gremlins’ are covered under that.  I’m still trying to figure out how all these women ended up getting pregnant by Lil Wayne around the same time.  The man looks like a walking STD factory and yet 3 women decided they were not only going to have sex with him, but forgot all about birth control while doing it. That’s the definition of stupidity.  I know they say under the influence of drugs and alcohol, people tend to do things they wouldn’t normally do.  But I still would think that self preservation would make these women think to at least force the gremlin to wear a condom.  Seriously, let’s all pray that Octomom never comes in contact with Lil Wayne’s sperm or the number of offspring of those two could multiply like mogwai in a tsunami.

Quitter of the Year
Sarah Palin
When the going gets tough, the inexperienced and unqualified get going.  That’s Sarah Palin in a nutshell for you.  Just when people were trying to figure out what Palin’s next move would be, if she would run for a second term as Alaskan Governor (i.e. Protector of U.S. Airspace from Russia) or jump into the U.S. Senate, Palin proved to everyone why she’s the “maverick” by deciding to call it quits as Governor before completing a full term.  Her reasoning?  For the benefit of the Great State of Alaska duh.  In a rambling speech that would make Republican Vice Presidential Candidate Palin proud, Governor Palin explained that she was becoming a distraction for all the great things she was trying to do for Alaska and therefore she had to step down.  And you know something?  She was right.  With her intellectually dishonest attempt at legitimizing the “Death Panel” rumors and then her silly attempts a jumping into the Climate Change debate, coupled with the book of lies she had someone ghostwrite for her….we’ve all forgotten about what’s actually going on in Alaska.  So, Sarah Palin quitting actually might have been the best thing for Alaska after all.  Go figure.

Overrated Movie of the Year
Wolverine Origins
Fuck you 20th century Fox, fuck you.  Eye raping me for almost 2 hours in the theater is wrong.  It’s as if they were getting back at Marvel for forming their own studio and making actually good movies.  That’s the only conclusion one can come to after fuckery of Spiderman 3 in 2007 and then this fuckery.  Some will say I’m being too hard on this movie but fuck that. You don’t take one of comic’s most popular characters and “put your own spin” on it.  Joel Schumacher did that with Batman and to this day there’s a “punch in back of neck” order out on that fool.  The biggest poke in the eye though was when they mutilated the character of Deadpool right before our eyes.  I mean, it just made no sense.  How do cast the wise cracking Ryan Reynolds to play the part of a wise cracking, psychopathic hit man and but then in the movie SEW HIS MOUTH SHUT???  Incredibly idiotic. And there were plenty of other things wrong with this movie.  Fuck you 20th Century Fox.  Fuck you.

Runner Up – Funny People
If I see Judd Aptow, I’m punching him in the throat.  This movie wasn’t funny…at all.  It was also too long and didn’t make a lick of sense.  But it doesn’t take the top spot cause I should have known better.  Adam Sandler isn’t funny.  He’s not a deep actor and his entire career could but summed up as a series of knock knock jokes and getting kicked in the groin.  So really, it’s my fault for paying money to see it.

Rookie of the Year
Tiger Woods
Seriously it wasn’t the cheating that surprised me, it was the carelessness and reckless nature.  No condom, didn’t pay them off, leaving bitch ass voice messages?  I mean come on what the hell is this all about.  What’s really disappointing though is that Tiger Wood’s NIKE mentor is Michael Jordan.  Jordan wouldn’t let something like this keep him down.  Jordan’s kinda like lightening, he doesn’t bang the same white chick twice. Tiger on the other hand seemed to fall in love with these hoes.  Obvious rookie mistake.

For someone that got lambasted on cable television for 20 straight minutes, had that assualt video taped and available for millions of people to watch over and over again, Jim Cramer sure seems to not have learned his lesson.  I think I finally figured out what makes the media so special ( and consequentially bad) in this country.  They are completely disassociated from reality.

“It was a complete and utter ambush,” Cramer said in an interview with The Lantern. “He told my staff that it was going to be fun, convivial, no clips, but [it] doesn’t matter, he’s a comedian, he can do whatever he wants.”

Okay, Cramer and Stewart had been having a back and forth thing going on for a few days and Cramer had been on Morning Joe basically downplaying Stewart’s knowledge and grasp of the economic situation in this country.  When Cramer accepted the invite to come onto the Daily Show…what the hell was he expecting?  A discussion about Michelle Obama’s J Crew wardrobe?  A debate over what the Obama’s should be getting for a dog?  I mean those hedge fund clips came out the day before the interview and Cramer didn’t think that Stewart was going to ask him about that?  Also, stop saying he’s just a comedian because if that was the case and it wasn’t really that big of a deal, Cramer wouldn’t be bitching about it a month after the fact.  Yes, everyone knows Jon Stewart is a comedian…but he also has writers and researchers that make Cable News Shows look like the morning announcements your junior AV class put together back in High School.

“Was it a fair fight? No, it wasn’t even a fight. I came on with the idea of taking a high road approach and discussing the issues, obviously [Stewart] came on strictly to try to humiliate me,” Cramer said. “It was brutal. Was he stand-up? Absolutely not. Did he comport himself as a gentleman? Hardly. It was a deposition; he wants to be a prosecutor.”

Well what do you know…the comedian asked you some tough questions about a serious topic that is on everyone’s mind.  Who’d thunk it?  Stewart’s original “attack” against CNBC was not that they were responsible for the financial crisis but that due to lack of journalistic responsibility and the desire to add entertainment value to their shows, that they didn’t step up to the plate and see what was going on.  I don’t want a fair fight in journalism…I want the truth.  That means hurting some people’s feelings and not falling over yourself to be nice and friendly.  Hey, maybe if CNBC did that they wouldn’t have been asking Allen Stanford how fun it is to be a Billionaire and instead been digging through his records to uncover the fact that he was screwing people out of their money. And Stewart didn’t have to try humiliate you Cramer…you did that all by yourself.

“I think that people who watch ["Mad Money"] know that the show that I do is very different from the show that the critics say it is,” he said. “I think that Jon Stewart has never seen my show, ever.”

Cramer said that while “you can pick any single clip to make people fib,” Stewart could have also shown clips of some of Cramer’s correct predictions.

“Those are the calls that I care about, but they’re not gonna mention those calls – that would make me look good. It’s nobody’s interest to make me look good,” he said.

That’s because your bad picks were so bad and so far off that it was damn near criminal.  If a doctor performs 1000 successful surgeries but his last 5 involved him making mistakes like snipping the wrong nerve endings and leaving his patients crippled for life, what do you think everyone is going to talk about?  Cramer personally vouched for Bear Sterns and other companies that were later shown to be financially unstable.  Just a little bit of probing or question asking would have at least given him pause before making such claims.  But again, that would require doing real work.

“It was a 20 minute interview, he picked the worst eight minutes to make me look as horrible as possible. It’s his show, he can do whatever he wants. If he comes on my show, it’ll be a fair discussion, but he’s not gonna come on my show, because he’s all about his ratings numbers,” he said.

Ummm…no moron.  While the interview had to be edited for the allocated air time, the entire uncensored/unedited interview was up on Comedy Central’s website.  As a matter of fact, I linked to them all.

Bottom line:  Jim Cramer should stop bitching.  He lost.  Yeah, his show might still be on but I really doubt his ratings are up.  Its clear that he didn’t learn his lesson.  Instead of bitchign about how the “big bad comedian” hurt his feelings, how about he try addressing the many valid points Jon Stewart made?  I mean this is pathetic.  Jim Cramer doesn’t seem to understand that even though it was a harsh interview, Stewart tried to give Cramer some credit for being a smart guy.  He told him he doesn’t need the gongs and the rubber chickens and all that other idiotic crap.  Guess this moron isn’t going to listen.

The biggest story of the week was the climax of the Jon Stewart/Daily Show vs Jim Cramer/CNBC battle. Well, that came to fruition Thursday night and it clearly wasn’t even a close fight. Kriss and Dylan play a few clips from the interview and discuss why Jon Stewart has become a voice for the people. Tucker Carlson apparently doesn’t appreciate Jon Stewart’s brilliance, but that’s probably because Stewart was integral in getting his show canceled. We play the clip from Stewart’s appearance on Crossfire as well as part of Stephen Colbert’s performance at the White House Correspondent’s Dinner. Other topics include DC’s HIV rate and women that claim to be independent but are really just too picky.

There’s a problem with getting the show on iTunes for new subscribers. If you already get the show on iTunes you’re fine but if you’re looking to find us in the iTunes store it’ll probably be a couple of weeks until we’re back up and running. You can manually add us to iTunes by going to Advanced->Subscribe to Podcast and then add this url. We’re looking for writers for TheInsanityReport.com and guests for the Insanity Check Podcast. If you are interested, email us at InsanityCheck@theInsanityReport.com. Also hit us up if you’re good with graphic designs or music production (we’re looking for a new opening for the podcast). Join the Facebook Group for weekly updates on Facebook or follow us on Twitter.

I hope the Fox News, MSNBC and CNN producers, pundits, analysis, reporters, interns and everyone else was watching last night.  Jon Stewart showed them how to do their jobs.  Last night’s Daily Show wasn’t your typical show.  After a short 5 minute clip about Madoff, Stewart went right to the interview with Jim Cramer.  What followed was probably the most uncomfortable 20 minutes of television I’ve ever seen.  I loved it.  There were several things that Stewart did that I thought were brilliant.  First off, he made it clear on several occasions that this wasn’t personal.  He repeatedly said that his beef was with the entire network of CNBC and other financial networks who he considered to be part of the problem and not just with Cramer.  I also thought Stewart did a great job of explaining why us, the regular folks, are so mad at people like Jim Cramer and networks like CNBC.  You bring a CEO on your network and you take their word and their word alone that their company is doing fine?  Come on.  Didn’t Enron and WorldCom teach us that CEOs lie?  Instead of taking their word for it, how about you do research and confront them with the facts?

My favorite part was when Stewart asked why a show that misleads people about stocks is necessary and Cramer said “There’s a market for it.”  Stewart replied:

“There’s also a market for cocaine and hookers”

For 20 minutes Stewart didn’t let Cramer wiggle out of the fact that CNBC as a whole failed the American people.  Gambling with other people’s money and then saying “No one could see this financial crisis coming” is like playing Russian Roulette with a pistol with all but 1 bullet in it and then acting surprise when someone shoots themselves in the head.

I predict that Cramer has 6 months left with CNBC.  He’s been exposed as a fraud along with the rest of CNBC.  Either he’ll be replaced or his show will finally go from some crazy ass entertainment to some serious show about stocks.  You might think that’s far fetched but ask ex-Crossfire hosts James Carville and Tucker Carlson what an attacking Jon Stewart can do to your career.  I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again.  It’s said when the voice of reason in journalism is a comedian.

T.I. Fans Being Irrational
Apparently T.I. goes to jail sometime this month to serve his 1 year for those weapons charges he was arrested for a while back.  You remember, this fool was arrested for having his bodyguard buy three machine guns and two silencers for him.  At the time of his arrest, I wrote a post about this that express my belief of how much of a dumb ass Clifford Harris was/is.  Well somehow he was able to avoid a 10 year sentence and get off with a 1 year sentence and probation.  There was a lot of speculation that he “talked” to police but he’s maintained that he didn’t.  I personally think that’s bullshit.  In the grand scheme of things T.I. is a nobody and no, I don’t see the prosecutors really knocking off 9 years just so T.I. could do some community service programs and educate the kids about gun violence.  But that’s beside the point.  T.I. is scheduled to go to prison on March 25^th.   Some of his diehard supporters don’t think that’s fair:

I feel he shouldnt go to prison for a year because he was facing 10 years and he got it dropped down to one year for all that the courts should have put him on probation

I feel lik he wuz jus protectin’ hisself ppl out there tryna KILL his azz -n- if anybody nu dat sombodi wuz comin’ 1V em’ dey would du tha same thing! Well, a smart mutha fer would ! N dats y I don’t trust nobodi cuz his own security set him up dumb azz fake azz bastard!!!!

First off reading those posts on a message board (click here for more of the insanity) made my head hurt.  I understand it’s the Internet, but gotdamn…Ebonics or whatever the hell you want to call that looks twice as bad as it sounds.  But let’s get into the meat of what they are trying to say.  T.I. shouldn’t go to prison because the prosecutor brought the years from 10 to 1, therefore he should have just let T.I. off completely.  Right, that makes sense.  Someone kills your daughter, pleads out to manslaughter 10 – 15 instead of 25 to life, fuck it…since we already knocked off 10 years, how about we knock off 10 more?  Then there’s the completely asinine “He was just trying to protect himself” argument.  Silencers are not for protection.  They are for killing people without making a sound.  Assassins use silencers.  I don’t know of anyone who goes duck hunting with a silencer.  And machine guns?  Small countries need machine guns for protection.  A 5′8 overrated rapper doesn’t.  If the block is that hot…here’s a novel suggestion…MOVE…WTF

Joe Scarborough Defends Jim Cramer
Morning Joe is becoming more and more like “morning joke” every time I watch it.  You have Mika whose job it seems to be to sit there and look pretty and not ask any real questions.  When she does seem to start down the path of a tough question, she pulls back.  Then there’s Joe Scarbourgh who seems to relish the idea of there being a democratic President and Democratic controlled Congress so he can sit back and pretend that he’s really not a republican shill but is actually “reporting”.  The latest example of this was Tuesday morning when Jim Cramer, victim of a complete verbal ass pounding by Jon Stewart and the Daily Show crew, came to friendly territory to seek comfort from Joe.  Joe of course obliges and as a typical republican blames everything on “the liberal left” and claims that Jon Stewart can’t make fun of President Obama so he has to either still make fun of Bush or “cherry pick” things from the media.  The whole clip is bullshit but here are some of my favorites:

1. I don’t know if the transcript of the Daily Show is available or not, but I do know that the entire episodes are usually up on the Comedy Central website the next day.  You want to go after Jon Stewart Joe?  Fine, do this thing they call “research” and have at it.
2. President Obama has been in office for less than 2 months.  He hasn’t royally screwed up anything yet.  If he does, I’m sure the Daily Show and Jon Stewart will be right there to make fun of it.  Bush on the other hand came into office with a bunch of already built in absurdities.  Couple that with the fact that he abused the Constitution, made ridiculous statements, got us into 2 wars that cost American soldiers lives, mishandled the Katrina incident, hired unqualified morons for positions, had a Vice President that thought he was the 4^th branch of government and did what he wanted, had a VP that shot someone in the face, had a VP who worked for a company that got a huge contract to work in Iraq, spent so much money with little regulation that we now face the worse financial crisis in decades and many other things, I can see why Bush was such an easy target to make fun of.
3. A wrong call is when NBA refs let Lebron James get away with taking 3 steps and not calling traveling.  Telling people to buy Bear Stearns stock at $60 when weeks later it’s at $2, is a major fuck up that should preclude you from giving any financial advice.
4. Let’s not forget how this started.  It all started with the rant from Rick Santelli complaining about “bailing out” everyday Americans who were struggling in with their mortgages.  CNBC wasn’t throwing fits about Wall Street getting bailed out, but as soon as Average Joe gets some help, they’re up in arms.

In the words of Jon Stewart:  Fuck You….WTF

Bernie Madoff Pleads Guilty- $64.8 billion
So it turns out we were 14.8 billion off when we talked about how much money Bernie Madoff siphoned off.  This is yet another reason why I don’t trust anything that anyone at CNBC or on Wall Street says.  You’re suppose to be financial advisors and experts, yet this fuckhole gets away with stealing $64.8 billion and no one notices some shit is going on?  Its ass clowns like this that make me long for Medieval torturing methods.  Lock this fucker in the stockade and we all take turns throwing rotten fruit at him.  Then tie his four limbs to the back of four vehicles driving in different directions.  Sounds brutal but I know what’s going to happen.  This old fucker will likely not get life in prison and even if he does, it’ll be at Club Fed where he can live the rest of his days in comfort.  To me, he’s a financial terrorist and should do hard time in a maximum security prison where he has to fear for his life and keeping his asshole virgin.  We need a Gitmo for these financial terrorists where we can lock them up and I damn sure approve of torturing these assholes…WTF

Alabama shooting spree
People that go on shooting sprees and then kill themselves are such cowards.  There’s really nothing much else I can say about that.  Condolences to the families as well as those of the preacher who died in that church shooting in Illinois.  If you want to kill yourself, by all means, do it in your own home and without interrupting the lives of others…WTF

Dwayne Wade’s Game Winner
If D Wade doesn’t win the MVP award this year, I’m leading an armed revolt.  He’s single handedly carried the Heat to where they are today.  Yes I know, everyone else is fighting over who can suck more Lebron or Kobe penis, but the truth is, the MVP award shouldn’t be a popularity contest but really on who the MVP is.  And if you think of the Olympics as an extension of the NBA season and the way Wade dominated in China, it will be an absolute travesty if he doesn’t get the award…WTF

Chris Brown and Rihanna recording a duet
I’ll be doing another Chris Brown/Rihanna story soon, but I had to end WTF Wednesday with this story about the two misguided love birds apparently recording a duet for Brown’s new album.  Wow, these fools really are trying to be the new Ike Turner and Tina. Seriously, I’m at a lost of words at the stupidity. I need a couple of days to get my thoughts together…WTF

I have a feeling this is the beginning of an on going war.  Cramer has been on the Today Show and on Morning Joe to try to defend himself and I don’t think the Daily Show crew is going to let up.  The truth of the matter is, CNBC and Cramer are caught by their own words.  It’s hard to take the words “Bear Stearns is fine” out of context when it happens weeks before they crash.  Of course that’s what these arrogant assholes have to say because God forbid people figure out that they have no clue what they are talking about.  Although, even without Stewart, I don’t think it’s hard for the average American to see that these fools have their own agenda and it’s about protecting themselves.  As Jon Stewart has been saying in regards to them “Fuck You”.

Thank you Jon Stewart.  For the last 2 weeks I’ve watched Morning Joe on MSNBC and had to put up with a bunch of self righteous CNBC financial/stock market analysis and their opinions about the President’s financial plans.  The entire time I’ve watched them bitch and moan about the plans, I would sit there in awe and think “Wait a minute…aren’t these the same SOBs that told us that the Stock Market was fine a year ago?”  The biggest loud mouth asshole out of this group is Jim Cramer, host of Mad Money.  As Jon Stewart and the Daily Show researchers pointed out brilliantly last night, Cramer was the head of the idiots over at CNBC that were giving us such financially sound advice as “Lehman Brothers is financially sound” or that “Bank of America will hit $60 a share.”  People lost money off of the advice of these idiots.  Yet we’re supposed to listen to their opinions and advice now that the President is putting forth his own plan?  You’ve got to be kidding me.  This is like Nas seeking the advice of Soulja Boy for his next album.  Or Amy Winehouse running a D.A.R.E. program.  It’s quite obvious to me that Jim Cramer, Rick Santelli and all the rest of the CNBC idiots not only have zero credibility but they are just as clueless as everyone else.  The clip of a CNBC hosts seemingly believing that Allen Stanford somehow miraculously avoided the same pitfalls as all the other companies out there without doing something illegal is proof positive of that.  Didn’t Enron teach these fools that if it looks too good to be true then it is?

And Fuck You Rick Santelli.  Incase you don’t know who Santelli is (and you haven’t watched the Daily Show clip yet), he’s the CNBC host that went off on air about the President’s plan to help bail out home owners.  Oh, wow…so when it comes to bailing out banks and Wall Street…you don’t say shit.  When it comes to helping regular Americans that are now upside down on their mortgage, that’s a bad thing?  Sorry Rick, but most people aren’t in trouble with their homes cause they bought a pool or a new million dollar bathroom.  They are having trouble because they bought their house at $300K and now its worth $150K.

Again, I’m glad we have Jon Stewart to blast arrogant fucktard morons like those at CNBC.  The audacity of these fools to give bad advice for well over a year and then claim they know enough to give valid opinions and critiques of what the President is doing.