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Topics for this show:
Kriss announces he’s giving up liquor until the end of the year…then quickly recants
Chris Brown is a jackass and Kriss explains why
Tiger Woods keeps getting himself into a deeper hole
Elin Woods might take half by filing in California
A black nativity scene in Italy causes an uproar, Foreign racism is so cool
Bush’s African baby boom
Parents and the idiotic notion that abstinence only education works
Joe Lieberman does what Joe Lieberman does
Something is better than nothing when it comes to Health Care

We’re looking for writers for TheInsanityReport.com and guests for the Insanity Check Podcast. If you are interested, email us at InsanityCheck@theInsanityReport.com. Also hit us up if you’re good with graphic designs or music production (we’re looking for a new opening for the podcast). Join the Facebook Group for weekly updates on Facebook or follow us on Twitter.

So incase you didn’t know, I was at the inauguration yesterday.  That’s why there’s no new Insanity Check yet.  We were supposed to record last night but everyone was too exhausted.  We’ll be recording on Thursday and I’ll be doing a full post on my time downtown yesterday but for now, I want to address something.  I watched this video from MSNBC about Bush getting booed at the inauguration when he was introduced.  You can hear Chris Mathews say “Don’t do that.  Have some class.”  Well, to Chris and anyone else who feels that way, I have to respectfully say…Go fuck yourself.  First off, the booing and chants of “na na na na hey hey hey Good bye” were the conservative chants.  Down in the mix you saw people giving the jumbotrons the finger and shouting “Fuck Bush.”  And why not?  This is a man who lead a party that did everything it could over the last 8 years to divide and trivialize this country.  When we spoke out against the war we were called unpatriotic.  Some idiots tried to renamed French Fries to Freedom Fries.  When a massive storm stranded our brothers and sisters and the federal government responded horribly (we get aid to other countries faster and more effectively) we were told that they did the best they could.  We were lied to about Iraq. We’ve seen our soldiers sent to war without proper equipment and then brought home to horrible medical car.  President Obama now has to deal with 2 Wars and a crumbling economy (the DOW dropped 300 points yesterday and is now under 8k) so yes, Booooooooo to Bush.  He has one of the worse approval ratings ever.  What did you think was going to happen at an emotional event like this?  I find it hilarious that the media spent the last 2 – 3 years telling us how bad Bush was and then now act surprised that the people on a day like this would react in such a way.  What happened yesterday was the raw emotion and will of the people.  Obama has asked that while we remember the past, we look forward to the future.  I agree.  But yesterday was the first time the people (myself included) could vocalize directly to George W. Bush how we felt about him and we did.  Now that he is officially out of the office, we can move forward.  I don’t care about prosecuting him or members of his Administration.  I won’t be protesting outside of his home.  Me and 2 – 3 million other people vocalized our dissent on the 20^th and that’s good enough for me.  Don’t criticize us for speaking out minds and going with the gut, emotional reaction that many of the American people have but the media has tried to downplay.

While the President was giving his farewell speech, I was catching up on Monday’s episode of 24.  Sorry but I believe the real reason why there hasn’t been another attack on American soil is because Al Qaeda really thinks Kiefer Sutherland IS Jack Bauer.  Anyway, I’ve seen clips and portions of the President’s last speech and as with any George W. Bush speech, nothing really to write home about.  There I something I want to address now because I feel that it will be given a lot of discussion over the next several years. I hinted at it before in the WTF Wednesday post this week but I believe it needs to be stated again.

George W. Bush, Dick Cheney, the Bush Administration and all of its allies have been saying that Bush has kept us safe these last 8 years and that Iraq is slowly turning into a Foreign Policy success story. Well, since these fools treat history as some kind of suggestion and not facts and reality, I want to take us back to Bush’s 2002 State of the Union address.  Remember that?  It was the one about the “Axis of Evil.”  Seems that Bush has forgotten his own speech.  See, there were THREE nations in the Axis of Evil according to Bush.  Iraq, Iran and North Korea.  Let’s play nice and give Bush a gift and say that Iraq turns into a beacon of democracy in the Middle East.  What about the other two countries?  Well, North Korea claims to have successfully tested a nuclear weapon in 2006.  Not only did it catch the Administration off guard but we had to be told by the Chinese.  North Korea then played a game of Nuclear Chicken with us and we blinked, lifting sanctions with the “promise” that they would destroy their Nuclear reactors.  The destroyed one and then started back up again.  Iran also might have nuclear weapons (One thing of note should be how horrible our intel is for both these countries because we really have no clue).  Nuclear weapons aside, with the invasion of Iraq, Iran has become the defiant voice in the Middle East, sending weapons and fighters to not only Iraq but also Gaza, Syria, and other terrorist hot spots.  It can be argued that since 2002, both Iran and North Korea have INCREASED their power and influence in the world.

So, if we give Bush Iraq, that means he’s been successful in containing 1/3 of the Axis of Evil over the last 6 years.  He has a 33.33333% success rate.  If he was a lawyer with a 33% success rate, he’d be lucky to be working at Kinkos right now.  A doctor with a 33% success rate would probably be in jail for malpractice.  And this is all if you concede Iraq to Bush.  And that’s still very unlikely.  The history of Iraq, Iran and the rest of the Middle East is that you might get a few years of peace, make some questionable alliances and then get bitten 10 years from now when it all plunges back into dictatorships and terrorism (Remember Saddam and Bin Laden used to be our buddies).  But hey…I understand.  Saying you were 33% successful is better than saying 0%. And course this is just with Foreign Policy, specifically with the Axis of Evil.  Let’s not talk about him walking out the front door of the White House leaving behind one of the worse financial crisis this country has ever seen.  It’s okay G Dub.  The Emperor has no clothes and your closest friends and supporters won’t tell you otherwise.

The first WTF Wednesday of 2009 and I think it’s appropriate that the main topic is people whose 15 minutes of fame have expired like 2 week old milk left out overnight.

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Sarah Palin
First up, Sarah Palin.  Is it me or has the hockey mom done more interviews after getting ass pounded in the electoral college on November 4^th than she did when we were all trying to figure out just who the hell John McCain picked for the second highest job in the land?  Honestly, Sarah Palin is at the top of my list of reasons why I could never be a republican and why I have such low respect for republicans…particularly minority republicans.  By being a member of that party, you condone this human train wreck.  It’s amazing how easily republicans are able to put themselves in such a deep state of denial (this is going to be a reoccurring theme in this post) with so little effort.  Honestly, if I was slightly retarded, I might actually believe a ¼ of what Palin is saying.  So, the latest interview was with Esquire who has done me a favor and picked out 4 new quotes from the good Governor of Alaska:

“Bored, anonymous, pathetic bloggers who lie annoy me….I’ll tell you, yesterday the Anchorage Daily News, they called again to ask – double-, triple-, quadruple-check – who is Trig’s real mom. And I said, Come on, are you kidding me? We’re gonna answer this? Do you not believe me or my doctor? And they said, No, it’s been quite cryptic the way that my son’s birth has been discussed. And I thought, Okay, more indication of continued problems in the world of journalism.”

Oh…so the “liberal media” Palin talked about all the time were bloggers and a news paper from her own town.  Come on.  First off, there were right wing bloggers calling Obama a socialist, saying he palled around with terrorists, claimed he wasn’t an American citizen, used his middle name to scare up images of terrorists…oh wait…you, your campaign and other prominent republicans did the same thing too.  Oops.  Then, let’s talk about how no truly reputable media outlets ran a story about how her son Trig might be her grandson.  None.  Only the Anchorage Daily News…and I’ll be honest…I’ve never read it.  Even when I did my ‘The Chronicles of Sarah Palin” I didn’t even hint at that story cause I thought it was false and completely stupid.  So stop trying to blame and blur the line between bloggers (who just talk out their asses…I know…I’m one of them) and real journalists.

“You have to let it go. Even hard news sources, credible news sources – the comment about, you can see Russia from Alaska. You can! You can see Russia from Alaska. Something like that – a factual statement that was taken out of context and mocked – what you have to do is let that go.”

No…we didn’t take it out of context.  We just pointed out how absurd it was that you tried to use that as proof of your foreign policy experience.  I’ve eaten at the International House of Pancakes…that doesn’t qualify me to be Ambassador.

“If I were giving advice to myself back on the day my candidacy was announced, I’d say, Tell the campaign that you’ll be callin’ some of the shots. Don’t just assume that they know you well enough to make all your decisions for ya. Let them know that you’re the CEO of a state, you’re forty-four years old, you’ve got a lot of great life experience that can be put to good use as a candidate.”

Yeah…cause when you went “rouge” it was really a good look for the McCain campaign.  You choked on a Katy Couric interview.  God forbid you actually being in control.

“I’d been a fan of SNL for decades, and I have a lot of respect for the present talent. I knew it would be a good thing to be a part of. And also, of course, to let Americans know that I can laugh at myself, too.”

Oh…I seriously doubt that you got the joke when Tina Fey literally reenacted your response to Katie Couric about the bailout word for word.  We laughed because if we didn’t we would have cried from the fear that you could actually become Vice President…WTF

Bush’s Press Conference
Speaking delusional republicans…did anyone see President Bush’s last press conference?  Honestly, I don’t know where to start.  See, I’m having a hard time reading the President.  I can’t tell if he’s in denial or if he’s just being a defiant asshole.  He had shoes thrown at him.  SHOES.  By a reporter.  How is your Presidency not a failure off that alone?  Jon Stewart on the Daily Show had a perfect response to Bush’s press conference and I know I can’t do it justice so, when you get a chance check it out.  What I want to talk about are two of the excuses given for why Bush wasn’t that bad.  Those two excuses are: 1.  We haven’t been attacked since 9/11 and 2.  We don’t remember how much pressure was on them after 9/11 to do something.  First off, NO President Bush doesn’t get credit for their being no more attacks on American soil.  Why?  Because thanks to this idiotic Administration’s War on Terror, Al Qaeda and all the other terrorists groups have been given plenty of other targets outside of the U.S. to target.  Have we forgotten the 2002 Bali bombing that killed 202 people, the 2005 London Subway attacks, various suicide bombings in Iraq and many others?  Have we forgotten that this Administration fudged the numbers on reports about the number of Terrorist attacks that occurred?  They originally were using numbers that allowed Bush to go around and say the world was safer…but anybody with a TV could see that wasn’t true so they went back and published the real numbers to show that ATTACKS HAD INCREASED.  So again, NO Bush doesn’t get credit for keeping attacks off of American soil because it looks like the terrorists aren’t even really trying to attack us here.Plus, Bush and his people have done enough damage to us Financially, by tying us down in places like Iraq and Afghanistan and having the U.S. chase them around the globe, terrorists are actually winning the battle.  No for the second point.  So Bush is saying that because everyone was running on emotions after 9/11, we should give him credit for at least doing something.  Well…FUCK YOU.  I’m sorry but the reason why YOU and YOU alone are President is because while regular folks like me act on emotion, YOU as the leader of the country are supposed to have to cool head and make rational decisions.  The mark of a great leader is being able to act calmly and rationally under pressure.  You didn’t.  Which is why your poll numbers suck and why you will go down as one of the worse Presidents in history.  I won’t even address the Katrina comments you made because quite frankly…you have Secret Service detail for the rest of your life and I don’t want to be locked up…WTF

Eddy Curry
So NY Knicks center Eddy Curry is being accused by his male driver of making unwanted sexual advances towards him.  Normally I’d say the guy was just looking for a pay day and that this was a non-story.  However, the driver isn’t looking for a million dollar pay out like the one Anucha Sanders got from the Knicks due to being harassed by Isiah Thomas.  David Kuchinsky (who says he is straight) is only asking for $98,000 which is basically his unpaid wages and some expenses Curry never paid him.  Curry has a contract that pays him $9 million a year.  I’m sorry but if you’re just doing it for the money, you don’t ask for a sum under 6 figures.  The court papers offer a lot of hilarity, like the following:

The stunning court papers claim Curry, a married father of three, repeatedly approached chauffeur David Kuchinsky “in the nude,” allegedly telling him, “Look at me, Dave, look” and “Come and touch it, Dave.”

Curry also made Kuchinsky perform “humiliating tasks outside the scope of his employment, such as cleaning up and removing dirty towels [Curry had ejaculated into] so that his wife would not see them,” the Manhattan federal court suit says.

I’m at a loss for words…WTF

Bernie Madoff
How do you steal $50 billion and not get your bail revoked?  Investigators found 100 signed checks totaling $173 million in his desk.  You’d be hard pressed to find checks totaling $173 in my desk.  After being arrested, he was caught transferring $1 million worth of jewelry and personal items to family and friends.  Yet the Judge still didn’t revoke his $10 million bail.  Just what the hell do you have to do to have your bail revoked as a white person?  I know that if it was Tyrone from the block who stole $100, he’d be sitting in County right now.  Plus…$10 million bail?  This mofo stole $50 billion and wasn’t even caught…he snitched on himself.  So now he’s sitting in a $7 million condo waiting for a trial.  Yeah…cause that’s the type of home arrest that sucks.  Sitting in a Condo that is worth 5 times my net worth.  Pathetic.

Joe the Plumber
I don’t blame him…I blame the conservatives that keep putting him in front of a camera.  This is why conservatives are so fucking stupid.  Do you really think sending Joe the Plumber to Israel to cover the war is going to help rebuild your party?  Let me answer that for you.  NO it won’t.  All it does it reaffirm the decision the majority of us made when we voted for Barack Obama…WTF

Andy Reid
So the Eagles are going to the NFC Championship game…congrats.  However, tell Andy Reid to cut his beard or at least trim it up.  Right now dude is looking like he belongs in a remote cabin up in the mountains, writing angry letters to the government while he builds bombs.  Either that or he’s some old, reclusive pervert that touches little boys.  Either way…the beard is not a good look Andy.  Get some clippers dude.

Restaurants
I’m calling it now.  American Fast food restaurants are going to start failing like the American Auto industry.  They are being just as reckless.  Americans wanted better gas mileage and greener cars and American Auto makers gave us over the top truck commercials with gas guzzling trucks pulling jumbo jets and jumping through flames.  Same thing with the Fast Food places.  Americans are fatter than ever and are trying to eat better.  But Fast Food places keep putting out the fattest, greasy shit they can think of. Think Burger King.  Remember the Eggnormous sandwich?  2000 calories.  TWO-THOUSAND.  You eat that thing and you can’t eat for the rest of the day.  Then there were their “Stackers” where they don’t even put lettuce or tomatoes on it.  At least then they could pretend.  No, they just stacked 3 – 4 beef patties on one another and served it to you.  I heard they started putting mini defibulators in the combo meals for you.  Now they have these Whooper Virgins commercials.  Great, just what we wanted you to do.  Go to some remote village that has been privileged enough to avoid your trans fat death touch and get them hooked on genetically altered beef, greese and instant heart attack.

Woman sells Virginity
My only question is…is she a real virgin, or a “new age definition” virgin?  Hmmmm….

We practice Affirmative Action during this show and have 1 of our 2 white listeners in the studio for this episode: White Boy. Kriss asks him if white people feel the same way about Bush, Palin and Joe the Plumber as black people do about OJ. Topics include Sheila Dixon, Bernie Maddof, bailing out the Porn/Adult Entertainment Industry and Dylan discusses a mortal sin that women commit during sex.

We’re looking for writers for TheInsanityReport.com and guests for the Insanity Check Podcast. If you are interested, email us at KrissandTheKorean@theInsanityReport.com. Also hit us up if you’re good with graphic designs or music production (we’re looking for a new opening for the podcast). Join the Facebook Fan page or follow us on Twitter.

Once again it is time for the Third Annual Insanity Report End of the Year WTF’s.  This is a time that we can all sit back and reflect on all the craziness of this past year and what a crazy year it has been.  OJ’s back in jail, Brett Favre is a Jet, Bill and Hillary Clinton were back making headlines and a black man was elected President…man…it’s almost like a Bizzaro world where we’re living in the 90’s again (minus the Black man as President).

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Movie Quote of the Year
“If you aren’t thinking about pussy, you aren’t concentrating”  Russell Crowe as Ed Hoffman – Body of Lies
I swear when I heard Crowe utter those words to DiCaprio’s Roger Ferris I damn near choked to death on my $5 popcorn.  I remember vividly because I was being extra cheap that night and I didn’t want to pay an extra $5 for a drink.  It’s even funnier when later on in the movie Ferris asks Hoffman “Still thinking about pussy?”  I can’t remember what Hoffman’s response was but I know I damn sure was.

“I Told You So” of the Year
Brett Favre
Go back and listen to IC 14:  Brett Favre Sucks.  I called it at the beginning of the year.  Brett Favre is a mediocre quarterback.  He has 1 touchdown and 6 interceptions in his last four games.  He had 21 TDs and 19 Interceptions for the year.  That is mediocre.  Sure, he’s good for a breakout game (which he had with that 6 TD game) but then he’s also good for even more bonehead games.  Sure, the Packers aren’t going to the playoffs and the Jets might (I’m writing this Sunday before game time), however, it’s the Packer’s defense that kept them out of the playoffs.  Plus, the real comparison shouldn’t be between Favre and Rodgers, who is starting for the first time as an NFL quarterback (And still having a better season than Brett).   No, the real comparison should be between Brett and Chad Pennington who has taken the 1 – 15 Dolphins from a year ago to a playoff bound 10 – 5 team.  Quietly, Chad’s been outplaying Brett.  But don’t expect the media to take Brett’s cock out their mouths anytime soon.

Ether Statement of the Year
“And I think that it is going to be part of the president’s job to deal with more than one thing at once”
To be perfectly honest, I think President Elect Barack Obama has earned a Nasir Jones Ether layer award.  Throughout the entire campaign, he would have these subtle jabs and one liners that would make you say “Gotdamn” and pause and rewind the video like you did when you heard Ether for the first time.  Earlier in the campaign he hit Hillary Clinton with the Annie Oakley line, brushed the dirt off his shoulders and while he was most definitely not talking about Palin, that “You can put lipstick on a pig” line was hilarious ether directed at John McCain.  However, when the financial crisis hit and John McCain, struggling to stay afloat like a fat kid in the deep end, decided he would suspend his campaign, claim he wasn’t going to the debate and fly back to Washington (after fatefully skipping out on Letterman)…Obama called his bluff.  During a press conference shortly after McCain’s announcement Obama said the following (among other things)

“With respect to the debates, it’s my belief that this is exactly the time when the American people need to hear from the person who, in approximately 40 days, will be responsible for dealing with this mess. And I think that it is going to be part of the president’s job to deal with more than one thing at once. I think there’s no reason why we can’t be constructive in helping to solve this problem and also tell the American people what we believe and where we stand and where we want to take the country.”

Translation:  John McCain says I’m not experienced enough to be President yet he can’t handling prepping for a debate and carrying out his duties as a Senator at the same time.

Runner Up
Mitt Romney – “He’s a Senator killer”. When talking to the press about the republican chances, Romney gave a blunt (and as we later found out, correct) assessment of John McCain’s chances. Don’t take my word for it, look at it yourself.

Overused Phrases of the Year
Swagger
Swagger outlived it’s usefulness before the song.  The song was just the straw that broke the camel’s back in 3 different places.  Aside from its rampant overuse, the other problem with the word “swagger” (or “swag”) is that it was also misused.  Swag is like an aurora that you give off.  It is noticed by those around you.  You don’t have swag simply because you say so.  Now you have everyone walking around with an unearned sense of entitlement because of some misdirected, self indulging declaration of their own swagger.  Here’s the funny thing about swagger.  If you have to announce it…you really don’t have it.

No Homo
Again, another phrase that is not only overused but misused.  Seems that dudes think these days they can say something, that is in fact, extremely homo and think that just because they stick “No Homo” at the end of the phrase that everything is okay.  Here’s a hint.  If “No Homo” is becoming an increasingly frequent part of your vocabulary, then that means you are doing something wrong.

Pedophile of the Year – AKA the Golden Shower Chris Hansen Award
R. Kelly
If seeing O.J get off in that murder trial made most black people cheer, then hearing the R. Kelly verdict made most people with an IQ above 20 go “WTF?”  This man got caught on tape with a 14 year old and somehow got off “not guilty.”  All this talk about “well, we couldn’t be sure of the girl’s age” is ridiculous.    Common Sense lets us know that R. Kelly should be in jail.  He has a known history of messing with little girls.  But, in the end he beat the charge.  Just seems strange that Mike Vick is in jail and R. Kelly isn’t there to help “braid his hair.”

Runners up
Mark Foley -  Attention Mark Foley.  The “They wanted it” defense doesn’t apply to minors.
Michael Jackson – He’s had a pretty quiet year but that gay Muslim Zorro outfit has to get him at least a honorable mention.

Coons of the Year
Every Black Person That Talked Shit about Obama
This one should be obvious.  We should have known that when the first viable African American candidate for President appeared that the coons would come out of the woodworks, falling and tripping over themselves to try to keep Obama down and make themselves look good in front of massa.  I originally was going to give this award to Black Republicans, but then I remembered that the original Obama coons were actually Black Democrats.  Remember Bob Johnson?  Hillary paraded him out on her Southern “See I have Black Friends” tour when it became obvious that Obama was starting to roll up the black vote like a snowball going down a hill.  First there was him taking shots at Obama for his past drug use and then, when his candidate finally conceded, the very next day he started circulating a petition to try to force Obama’s hand and make him pick Hillary as his runningmate.  I haven’t forgotten those in the Congressional Black Caucus who didn’t support Obama, not because they did not believe his message but because they knew the Clintons would scratch their back on a quid pro quo.  Then who could forget Democratic delegate Ann Price Mills who even after Hillary Clinton called for unity at the convention, still couldn’t bring herself to support Obama.  And that’s just the DEMOCRATS.  Least we forget James T. Harris begging McCain to go at Obama for his Bill Ayers connection and claiming Obama was a socialist or the house negroes over on Fox News like Juan Williams that were visibly jealous every time Obama hit a milestone.  I said it during the election and I’ll say it again, I have no problem with blacks that didn’t support Obama based on facts.  I have a problem with those that used silly logic and reasoning to talk down about the man, particularly in front of white people to make themselves look better.

Overrated Movie of the Year
Wanted
It’s not Wanted fault for being overrated.  Just bad timing.  It fell in between Iron Man and The Dark Knight, the two best Action/comic book movies ever made.  I remember some saying that it was better than Iron Man and while I don’t smoke, I really want the number to their connect cause if I ever do smoke, I want the very best stuff.  Wanted was good but not that good.  The movie got publicity solely based on Angelina Jolie’s diminishing sex appeal.  Seriously, her stock is falling faster than a porn star with a positive HIV report.  I think it’s the fact that she’s so damn skinny.  No woman that’s popped out twins should be that thin naturally.  She’s like 110 lbs with 80 of that in her lips.  Her ass is non-existent.  Need to put it up on the back of a milk carton (“Have You seen this ass? Call 1-800-LNG-BACK Last Seen…NEVER”).  Props to Common for adding to his acting resume by once again playing an blank face, monotone assassin.  I will say it was a huge improvement from his criminally bland Smoking Aces performance.  Keanu Reeves needs to watch out…Common could take over Reeves’s top spot as the #1 blank face actor in Hollywood.  Again, I’m not saying the movie was horrible…no…it was great.  Just a little overrated.  I will say it does have one of the greatest moments in movie cinema history with Morgan Freeman saying “Shoot this motherfucker.”  LOL.  It was like hearing your sweet, church going grandmother cuss for the first time.  Classic.

Worse Politician of the Year
John Edwards
I know you were probably expecting Rod Blagojevich here.  I know the corrupt governor of Illinois with the world’s worse shape up is on the top of everyone’s Naughty Politician list but that’s only because he’s currently in the news.  When you put all the exposed politicians in a line up, only John Edwards stands out in terms of just how shocking and damaging it could have been.  Think about it.  This douchebag John Edwards was running for President of the United States.  What if Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton cancelled each other out and somehow the weakest link ended up getting the nomination?  Don’t think it’s so far fetched.  Democrats have a history of picking the weakest candidate (See 2004 and the selection of John “Lurch” Kerry over Howard “Yee-Haww” Dean).  Imagine if this scandal broke after the DNC.  We’d be pretty much guaranteed a McCain/Palin Administration just because this self righteous asshole was too busy thinking about power and pussy instead of the fact that the skeletons in his closet could end up fucking us over.  In this day and age, secrets don’t keep…especially ones involving a democratic candidate for President who is cheating on his wife…who just so happens to have cancer.

Runners Up
John McCain -  Sarah Palin was the most qualified Republican woman?  GTFOH.  You know better.  Thank God the American people didn’t fall for it this time.

Slut of the Year
Bristol Palin
Sorry but I never bought the bullshit.  Levi Johnson said it himself on his MySpace page.  He didn’t want kids.  But when the girl you are dating gets pregnant, her mom has been tapped to run for Vice President on the Republican ticket AND she’s against abortion…you’re officially screwed.  I always love how Republicans set themselves up to put their own foot in their mouths.  You’re against abortion and even worse, you only  support abstinence only sex education…and then your daughter gets pregnant out of wedlock.  The worse thing though was the facade that somehow these two were so deeply in love they wanted to get married.  That’s a divorce waiting to happen.  Sad thing for Levi though…he’ll have to wait until at least 2012 to get that divorce.  He has to play happy until his future mother in-law realizes she’s out of her league when it comes to National politics.

Runner Up
Ashley Dupre -  One of the reasons I’m not in a rush to get married and have kids is because if my daughter grew up to be a hooker known for getting some politician caught up in a sex scandal, I might actually kill myself.  I can only imagine what Dupre’s parents are going through.  Their daughter has her own entry in Wikipedia for being the hooker that got Eliot Spitzer caught up.  That’s the indicator that you failed as a parent.

Media punching bag of the Year
Tucker Bounds
I don’t feel sorry for republican douchebags too often but honestly, the way Tucker Bounds was repeatedly beaten and abused verbally in front of millions of cable news watchers for 18 months was almost criminal.  It was like watching those Anna Nicole Smith home movies where you knew the downward spiral you were watching couldn’t be happening to a more deserving person but it still made you cringe.  Make no mistake Tucker Bounds is your typical white boy Republican douchbag who would try to convince you that the sky was green even if you can produce time stamped pictures of the sky clearly being blue.  During the campaign his delusion about McCain’s chances reminded me of Washington Redskins fans that each year convince themselves that this year is different.  I’ll give him credit for sticking to the Republican talking points even when it was clear that everyone else knew they were bullshit.  Lesser McCain aides couldn’t do that.  Even Carla Fiorina broke down when asked if she would hire Palin to run a company and said “no.”  Bounds would have not only said “yes” but would have made an argument, albeit a flawed one, that she should get a bonus.  It’s clear that the biggest loser of this Election wasn’t McCain or Palin but Bounds.  What’s he going to do now?  I say since he has a knack for getting pummeled by the media that he becomes George W. Bush’s personal spokesman.  He can spend the next 15 years trying to convince everyone that Bush wasn’t that bad of a president.

Best Hot Mic Incident
“It’s Over” -Peggy Noonan and Mike Murphy talking about McCain’s VP Choice
When Former Reagan speechwriter Peggy Noonan and former McCain adviser Mike Murphy were caught on tape saying “It’s over” and that picking Palin was “gimmicky” it only confirmed what most rational humans on the planet knew.  Noonan later tried to clean it up and say that she was talking about it was “over” for the Republican party to assume it’s base was mainstream America…but we all know they were talking about John McCain picking the single most UNQUALIFIED person to ever be picked for Vice President.  During the same incident Chuck Todd asked Noonan if Palin was the most qualified woman the Republicans could nominate and Noonan responded:

“The most qualified? No. I think they went for this, excuse me, political bullshit about narratives. Every time the Republicans do that, because that’s not where they live and that’s not what they’re good at, they blow it.”

It’s okay Peggy.  365 electoral votes to 173 electoral votes later and it turns out your original assessment was spot on.  It was OVER.

Runners Up
Shaq on Kobe – Okay, not really a hot microphone…Shaq knew it was going to be recorded and on youtube.  But still…LOL.  Rappers pay attention.  You don’t have to shoot each other up…leave the beefing on wax.

Dumbass of the Year
Plaxico Burress
After Orenthal James got himself arrested on felony charges in Vegas and “Ron Mexico” going down for running a criminal enterprise across state lines involving pit bulls, you would think NFL players would have smartened up.  At first I thought it was going to be Pacman Jones to get this award.  I was flabbergasted when this negro got a second lease on his football life from Rodger Goodell, a nice contract from Jerry Jones and the Cowboys, his own personal security detail and yet still managed to get his ass in trouble.  But in a bizarre and dumbfounding turn of events, Super Bowl Wide Receiver Plaxico Burress swooped in at the last minute to snatch this award from the outstretched hands of Pacman (Extremely ironic when you consider Pacman is a DB and Burress is a WR).  A black athlete getting caught with an unregistered gun isn’t really that shocking of a discovery.  But when that discovery is due to the fact that said athlete shot himself in the leg, the mind tends to overload from the stupidity.  I’m still wondering if it’s the same leg that had forced Burress to sit out some games and be such a bust on my Fantasy Football team.  Sorry but I don’t have sympathy for these idiots that claim they need a gun to protect themselves when they a) Haven’t been properly trained in using a gun for self defense and b)  Keep a loaded gun in some baggy sweat pants basically ensuring themselves that they won’t be able to pull the gun out in time.  Which leads me to another thought.  Black celebrities always claim that they need to protect themselves with these weapons because they are targets at clubs.  But if the dress code of the club allows you to come in sweatpants…don’t you think that is not a reputable establishment you need to be at?

Runners Up
OJ – 15 – Sentenced to 33 years for robbery with a deadly weapon, burglary with a firearm (aren’t these two redundant?), first degree kidnapping with a deadly weapon and other felony charges for trying to get back some cheap ass memorabilia with the other members of the retired A-Team.  Again, White People…it’s okay to say this was payback.  We get it.  Hell, you didn’t even try with this one.  His co-defendants got probation.

Dumbass Song(s) of the Year
Lollipop
Last year he was on a song about duffle bags that looked like man purses.  This year he makes a song about lollipops.  I predict next year Lil Wayne raps about getting a manicure and facial.  It’s the next logical step in rap music’s emasculation of men.  And that doesn’t even go into the fact that Lil Wayne basically took the old Tootsie Roll Pop commercial (The one with the Owl) and made it into a song.  And mofos were still shaking their asses to this in the club.  And when I say “shaking their asses” I’m unfortunately not just talking about women.  Now I got into a heated discussion about putting Lollipop as dumbass song of the year over Bust it Baby by Plies.  Yes, Bust it Baby was stupid as hell.  I have yet to find someone who can tell me what a Bust it Baby is.  Of course that hasn’t stopped girls from singing the song (Here’s a hint ladies…whatever it is, it can’t be good).  Bust it Baby is so bad that they had to do it twice, the second time they put Neyo on it so that he could actually translate what Plies was trying to say.  Still, in my opinion Lollipop was worse because of the way it infectiously corrupted the brain cells of people by slowly growing on them like a fungus.  It grew on people so much now some are actually saying they like it.  Bust it Baby didn’t have that power.  You could turn away from Bust it Baby, but Lollipop seems to draw people to listen to it.  It’s like when you go to the zoo and you see monkeys fucking .  You know you should turn away but yet, you are still intrigued.

Runner Up
Bust It Baby -  When you need a remix of the original in order to put an R&B singer on it to translate what you are trying to say…you need to stop making music

Crybaby of the Year
Young Buck
I have a particular disgust for rappers who talk a lot of gangsa shit but then end up being softer than a new born baby’s bottom.  Hearing Young Buck begging and crying on the phone  made a little piece of me die.  No man should have to get to that level. It’s quite pathetic. You fucked up. Take the consequences of your actions and deal with them. Don’t call another grown man crying. It’s quite disgusting.

Runner Up
Country of Georgia -  Let me see if I have this straight.  The U.S. is bogged down in two wars and is going through some financial problems…and you thought they would come to your aid when you taunted the sleeping Russian bear?  Seriously, if I had been President and I got that 3 am phone call begging for help, I would have hung the phone up and rolled back over.

Gangstas of the Year
The Axis of Evil + Putin and Russia
Kim Jong-il and North Korea bully the U.S. into giving them concessions and aid by promising to end their Nuclear program, only to restart it shortly after destroying ONE of their reactors.  Mahmoud Ahmadinejad goes on his “Death to America” tour to the U.N.  and Columbia University, then is later joined in South America by Hugo Chavez where they plan a new oil partnership.  Russia, filling in the empty Axis of Evil seat vacated by Iraq, stomps a mudhole into Georgia for stepping out of line and tells Bush flat out “You put a missile defense grid in the states around us and we’ll point nuclear weapons at them.”  Even Iraq, the Former Axis of Evildoer now on probation has taken some stands, like having a $79 billion surplus but having the U.S. foot the reconstruction bill, playing hardball with the Bush Administration on the U.S.-Iraq security agreement and how can we all forget the shoe-throwing incident.  I knew it was stupid when Bush decided to call out the “Axis of Evil” during his State of the Union Address back in 2002.   Aside from being an extremely juvenile and comic-booky term for a sitting President to use, it just seemed like a really bad idea to hit the hornet’s nest with a stick.

Athlete of the Year
Barack Obama
Sorry Michael Phelps but I’m still tripping on the fact that the next President of the United States has game.  He has the nuclear codes and he can also drain a jumper in your face from 22 feet out.  That’s a cold mofo right there.

Use of Expired 15 Minutes of Fame
Tie between Sarah Palin and Joe the Plumber
The way the media still talks about Sarah Palin you wouldn’t think that John McCain and Sarah Palin got blown out by Barack Obama and Joe Biden in the electoral college and that states like Indiana, Virginia and North Carolina turned blue.  But the media loves a train wreck.  Clips from the Charlie Gibson and Katie Couric interviews still haunt my nightmares with what could have been the next Vice President of the United States.  The McCain camp seemed to realize this too and almost immediately after the lost tried to put the Hockey Mom back into the bottle…but it seems that they might be too late.  They actually convinced this lady that she can be President.  Just recently she said that the greatest mistake of the campaign was not letting her speak to the media more.  Yes…you read that right.  The lady that went on national television and on multiple occasions said that being geographically close to Russia gives her foreign policy experience thinks she should have been talking to reporters MORE.  Unbelievable.

But Sarah Palin wasn’t alone.  Joe the Plumber was also just as much an annoying 15 minute of famer as her.  Joe became famous for a 6 minute impromptu discussion he had with Barack Obama in which, after spending 5 minutes trying to explain his tax plan to this undercover Republican douchebag Barack tried to dumb it down even further for this idiot by saying “spread the wealth” and John McCain and Republicans took that 5 second clip and put it on loop.  Just like Sarah Palin, a little digging from the media found that Joe wasn’t really who he said he was.  He didn’t own a business and he’d actually get a tax cut under Obama’s plan.  That didn’t stop him from milking his new found fame.  He claimed to be an Independent but he spewed Republican talking points so well (Obama scares me, he’s a socialist, blah blah blah) he damn near lived on Fox News (along with his ¾ retarded friend Tito the Builder).  Apparently there’s a book deal in the works and he’s also trying to get his music career started.  Seriously, if douchebags like Joe the Plumber represent every day Americans…we are fucked.

Stop Being So PC Award
Tropic Thunder Complaints
Okay.  Let’s explain something.  Robert Downey Jr. played a “black” guy in Tropic Thunder.  Yes, Robert Downey Jr. is White and no, if they had picked a black guy for the role it wouldn’t have worked.  See, Tropic Thunder was satire folks.  Satire – the use of irony, sarcasm, ridicule and the like, in exposing, denouncing or deriding vice, folly, etc.  So, having Downey play an actor who goes to any length for a part, including a “radical surgery” to play a black guy would fall under that category.  They say it’s “not satire if people don’t get it.”  That’s not true because I’m almost sure that 80% of the population doesn’t get satire.  Same goes for those that protested Tropic Thunder for the “Simple Jack” portion because they felt that the movie was making fun of retarded people. Again, if that’s the baseline for protesting a movie then we might as well stop making satire movies all together.  I wonder if people would have been pissed if Downey had thrown on some sandals and a head scarf or if Stiller was blind.  Somehow I doubt it.  I understand that some people misuse the term “satire” (See the recent case of Tennessee Republican Chip Saltsman and his ‘Barack the Magic Negro’ CD).  However you have to be able to see that correct satire has a point (which if you watch Tropic Thunder in it’s entirity, you will see) and “satire” like Mr. Saltsman’s is just a way of disguising predjudice.

Disturbing Trend of the Year
Skinny jeans
Do men who wear skinny jeans not see how ridiculous they look in the mirror before they walk out the house?  There’s nothing wrong with some regular, non-baggy jeans…but when you are wearing jeans that make compressor shorts seem free flowing, that’s a problem.  What’s next?  Bringing back those fish net half shirts in the summer time?  On second thought…forget I said that, cause someone out there will do that.  This trend disturbs me because it means one of two things: 1.  Men are becoming gayier or 2.  Men’s balls are shrinking.  Either one is very disturbing.

Underperformer of the Year
Beyonce
I wanted to give this award to Lil Wayne with his lackluster and lyrically lazy Carter III album (I don’t care that it sold a 1 million and got 8 Grammy nominations, it sucked) but I can’t ignore the travesty that is Beyonce.  Just like Keanu Reeves and his blank stare as he murmured “I know Kung Fu”, I can picture Beyonce standing in front of a mirror with a Stepford Wife blank stare saying “I am Sasha Fierce” in front of it.   Apparently “Sasha” is Beyonce’s on stage persona and if that’s the case, Beyonce needs to keep Sasha on the stage and out of the studio.  Normally when I write about something, I’ve researched it but in this case, I couldn’t get past the three horrible singles Beyonce’s released.  The new woman’s anthem “Single Ladies” is one of the worse songs I’ve ever heard.  Aside from the fact that its basically all chorus and the video was the laziest I’ve ever seen (sorry, I can see butt naked woman shaking it just like that on YouTube any day of the week) the after effects make it worse.  Now just about every girl out there, from the fine as wine types to the bloated Gollum troll looking bitches are pointing to their ring fingers and saying “Put a ring on it.”  Bitch I wouldn’t give you an order of onion rings.  Also I can’t help but feel that Beyonce is a little schizophrenic (Probably a side effect of giving Sasha a microphone).  On the one hand she has Like a Boy (Didn’t Ciara already do this concept?) which tries to get men to think about how they treat women (which is pointless since no man is really listening to this CD) but then on Diva she’s talking about being a female version of a hustla.  You can’t have it both ways.

Runners Up
Lil Wayne – Again, I don’t care if it sold a million records the first week.  So did 50 Cent’s The Masssacre and that album was also some human feces.
Dr. Dre - Look, just go ahead and say you don’t have it anymore.  Don’t blame it on Eminem hitting his stride again.  We’ve been waiting for another record for what?  8 years now?
Hillary Clinton - So what if she got 18 million votes? She lost to a black freshman senator. Hillary Clinton was the inevitable. She was supposed to crush her democratic competition and then eat the republicans alive. Sure, she got a Secretary of Defense job out of it, but still, it’s a huge step down from where she wanted to be.

Losers of the Year
Detroit Lions
Worse.Sports Franchise.Ever.  Again, I’m writing this before the results come in from the last games of the season but I’m betting that the Packers don’t pull a Baltimore Ravens from last year and mess up my chance for seeing a NFL team go 0 – 16.  I think next year they should suit up some cheerleaders.  The skill levels will be about the same and they might be distracting enough to win a game or two.  I asked this on a recent podcast, why are the Lions still called a professional football team?  All the rest of the teams need to donate their draft picks so that Detroit can get a whole new team.  One #1 draft pick isn’t going to do much.  Speaking of #1 draft picks…how much does it suck to be the #1 draft pick next year knowing you are going to a team that just got in the record books for not winning a single game all season?

Person(s) of the Year
The American People
People Magazine took the easy way out when they selected Barack Obama as the Person of the Year.  Yes, Obama definitely is deserving of the award.  He came from no where, implemented the 50 State Strategy, took down the Clinton political machine, held racist bastards at bay and then beat the well liked Republican Maverick and his pet Hockey Mom.  All while inspiring a nation.  That’s huge.  Definitely deserving.  But the American people as a whole are more deserving.  Over the last 8 years I began to lose faith in the ability of the American People to see through the bullshit and focus on the important stuff.  There were plenty of opportunities during the election for the American people revert back to paying attention to wedge issues and petty stuff but they didn’t.  First, they looked past Barack Obama’s race (for the most part).  Then there was the Reverend Wright incident.  Then all the rumors, negative ads and just silliness (Obama’s a socialist?) that came in the fall.  Through it all, the American people stepped up to the plate and said “Not this time.”  I’ll be honest, Obama gambled.  He repeatedly said during the election that he had faith in the American people to see through the “silly season” and focus on the issues at hand.  I didn’t think it would happen but it did.  Of course only time will tell if this is a temporary moment of clarity or if people have really awaken from their intellectual slumber.  Sadly, I don’t think it’ll be lasting long but for now…I’ll enjoy it.

The Korean talks about her trip to New York and how she ended up in the same Wal-Mart that resulted in a man being trampled to death on Black Friday. Bush showed his agility this weekend when he ducked two shoes thrown at him by a disgruntled Iraqi reporter. Rod Blagovejich is still being defiant, the auto bailout failed, oil prices have raised slightly (meaning Dubai will still be able to make their refrigerated beach resort), 70 year old Bernie Madoff is arrested for $50 billion fraud, The Day the Eart Stood Still kinda sucked, Kriss and the Korean try to think of a Nicolas Cage movie that he didn’t cry in, Michael Jackson dresses like a gay Muslim Zorro, Chuck E Cheese leads to adults acting like fools and some dumwit white girls take a bath in a KFC sink.

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How do you know your legacy as President will be bad? When the people you claim to have liberated throw their shoes at you. At a press conference in Iraq this weekend, George Bush had to duck as an Iraqi reporter threw both of his shoes at the current (unfortunately) U.S. President. The shoes barely miss G.W. I for one can’t be the only one who wishes that at least one of them had hit the idiot square in his head. Let’s be honest. He deserves it. In Iraq, throwing your shoes at someone is a sign of contempt and disrespect. Again, can’t say that there’s a more deserving guy.

So how do you spin this? Well, the word on the street is…this was a show of “Freedom of Speech” that wouldn’t have been allowed under Saddam Hussein. See, we liberated them so that they could hate us. Brilliant.

Now that the election is over, we can get back to focusing on the millions of other insane things going on in politics, entertainment and even sports. Looking at the posts on The Insanity Report over the last few years I can see that I’ve been heavily skewed towards Presidential politics and now that the race is over, I want to get some balance back. Don’t get me wrong, there will be plenty of Presidential politics to discuss during an Obama Administration…but there’s also some other stuff going on that needs to be talked about as well. So…without further ado…

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