Chris Brown and Rihanna
So everyone is speculating and spreading rumors about what actually caused Chris Brown to channel his inner Ike Turner. Did she start the fight? Was it because she told him that she gave him herpes? Forget a tattoo, it can be removed. You give your loved one herpes and that screams “lifetime commitment”. Or maybe he spent all day slaving over a hot stove baking a cake and Rihanna just wouldn’t eat it? The truth is…I don’t care enough to take this seriously. First off, Chris Brown sounds like a bitch. Not just because he beat Rihanna but because he bit her. Bite marks? Come on. Biting is only acceptable in cat fights (two women) or Mike Tyson boxing matches (Boxing would be so much more exciting if Iron Mike was back in the ring). Now to be fair I don’t think there have been any accurate reports as to the injuries Rihanna suffered. I mean, the same reports that stated she had bite marks also said she had significant swelling on her forehead. Come on now…we all know that Rihanna’s forehead is so big it has it’s own gravitational pull. I refuse to believe that little Chris Breezy went incredible Hulk and caused even more swelling to that noggin. That’s physically impossible. The silver lining in all this is, neither one of them can make new music anytime soon so us true music aficionados can at least take some solace in that…WTF
Kanye West Speaks on Rihanna situation
You know America’s gayest rapper, Kanye West had to come out and speak on the whole situation:
“She has the potential to be, you know, the greatest artist of all time and, in that sense, I feel like [she is] my baby sis,” added West. “I would do any and everything to help her in any situation.”
Hold on Kanye. Let me fix that sentence for you: “”She has the potential to be, you know, the greatest mediocre artistof all time”. There we go. That’s better…WTF
LA White Bentley Car Chase
This was a crazy week. After Chris Brown posted bail and was released, on Monday there was a slow speed car chase (Isn’t that a fucking oxymoron?) involving a white Bentley. First people thought it might have been Chris Brown. Then there was speculation that it was DJ Khaled. Turns out it was just some business man who was suspected of assaulting his girlfriend with a deadly weapon. After leading police around LA for 3 hours at FORTY MILES PER HOUR, the man then pulled out a gun and shot himself. First off I don’t know what the LAPD was doing letting this fucker get away with wasting hours of their time and taxpayers money only to let him shoot himself at the end. He was only going 40 mph…I’ve seen cops take out cars going 90 mph. Pull up beside the car and shoot the tires out. The cops in GTA wouldn’t have let that shit slide. Also let me say that with the Chris Brown/Rihanna thing and this incident seeming to have involved some form of domestic violence, it’s really not a good week to be leading up into Valentines Day now is it?…WTF
Stimulate the Economy with Valentines Day
Speaking of Valentines Day, I’ve figured out a way to stimulate the economy. President Obama should make Valentines Day a Federal Holiday and extend it to three days. Men will then be forced to buy their significant others pointless, yet expensive material expressions of their “love” thereby stimulating the economy. Seriously, its no secret that I’ve never been a fan of Valentines Day. Its just another day for women to get men to spend a shit load of time and money on them. Restaurants jack up prices and Hallmark only really exists for this day. No one can ever really give a legitimate reason why we need to celebrate it. Men only do because they are afraid of the wraith of their significant other and for women it’s like another Christmas so they aren’t going to complain. So the cycle will continue. Ba-humbug… oh wait…that’s for an actually legitimate holiday…WTF
Octuplets mother
I was trying my hardest to avoid giving my opinion on the mother of the octuplets but I just can’t hold my tongue any longer. The tagline on this site is “There’s too much crazy stuff going on” and well, when you have a doctor implanting embryos into a mother of 6 who is living off of food stamps…well, it just doesn’t get any crazier. First off, I think it’s pretty clear that Nadya Suleman has some psychological issues. What sane mother of 6 goes to a fertility doctor? You can’t get more fertile than this bitch’s womb. So obviously she’s bat shit crazy. So I blame the doctor. He was obviously the adult in this matter and I can’t see how he’s able to keep his license for performing the implant when this bitch already has 6 children she can barely take care of. She’s receiving food stamps and child disability for 3 of the previous 6. Now she has 8 more. 14 kids. FOURTEEN. And she’s not married (She talks to the biological father, i.e. sperm donor, twice a year…). Michael Steele is going to make her the new mascot for the Republican party. That’ll rally his base….WTF
Henrietta Hughes
Even an asshole like me chokes up over something like this.
Phelp’s Bong put on Ebay for 100k
This is almost as retarded as the cop that stole weed and then called 911 for “overdosing”. Almost…WTF
Okay, so now that I’ve had time to recover slightly from Tuesday, I figured I should go ahead and post my experience from witnessing history. First things first. Shame on anyone who lived in the Northern Virginia, Maryland or DC area and didn’t go. Particularly those between the ages of 18 – 25 and those that have no physical reason why they couldn’t stand in the cold. If you had to work or you just knew that your knees couldn’t take the 12 hour stand…then okay…fine. I won’t mention how I saw old men and women around the ages of 80 (EIGHTY) standing around me. Complaining about how you didn’t go cause it was too cold, too many people, etc. seem pretty pathetic when you consider there were some people in WHEELCHAIRS outside on the mall at 4 am. But anyway…I digress.
So, my first mistake was only getting a 90 minute power nap in before heading out to the metro. I went to bed at 1:00 am and woke up at 2:30 am. I have no idea what I was thinking. I groggily sit up at 2:45 and start to get my survival kit together. Four 5 Hour energies, my $7 K-Mart Blue Light Special gloves, my Bomber Jacket, granola bars, small bottle of Gaterade, video camera, digital camera and extra batteries. Some quick notes about some of my stuff
1. I had the granola bars because I wasn’t going to fuck with the food they had down there. Think about it. They were talking between 2 – 4 million people. About ½ to ¾ of that was black. There’s not enough chicken in DC to feed that many black folk. So, that small ass chicken leg you ate probably was a Pigeon. And that hot dog? Say hello to DC rat.
2. Getting my metro farecard took about 30 minutes at 11:45 the night before. I got behind a family of 15 that was trying to put exact change on all their cards. I stood behind them as they scrounged around for nickels to put exactly $7.35 on each of their farecards. Then there were the two dudes that bought 20 farecards with $2 on each.
So, I wake up KY who crashed at my place so she could roll with me to the metro station. We’re out the door by 3:15. I was surprised that there was no traffic. When we pull up to the Largo station, we’re like the number 7 car and there’s a slight line to get into the station. By 3:30 or so they let everyone in and we meet up with everyone else in the first car. By 4 am we’re heading into DC. Now, Largo is the beginning of the line. At 4 am…it’s already packed leaving the FIRST station. The metro operator was obligated to stop at all the stops between Largo and L’Enfant because some people still had to go to work. Each time he stopped he told the people on the platform that another train was coming in 6 minutes. After about 20 – 30 minutes we arrive at L’Enfant and of course there’s a mad dash to get out of the station. We take a detour however and try to hit the bathrooms and the McDonalds first. It’s 4:30 am and the L’Enfant bathrooms already smell like piss and ass but I knew that it would be infinitely better than whatever state the porta potties would be in. We make our way down 7th Street to get to the Mall when we are stopped because they won’t let people through. They keep saying we have to wait. I still don’t know why they wouldn’t let us through because I could see other people a few blocks away being let in. Then this douchebag of a cop shows up. I don’t know, maybe he was salty because the extra security meant he couldn’t take his favorite hooker back into the alley. I don’t know what his problem was. I just know he was a dickwad. First he tried to run over a hundred people with is car when he tried to turn down 7th. He keeps hitting his siren and telling us to get out of the way and we’re yelling “Hey Fucker…we can’t move to get out of the way because there’s a thousand people standing here.” I’ll get to his other douchebag moment in a minute. So apparently volunteers didn’t know they had to show up on time and so every 5 seconds we had to try to make a hole so they could squeeze by us. There was this one annoying lady who kept yelling “Volunteers, we have more volunteers coming through.” It wasn’t bad the first couple of times but around the 10th time I felt myself getting violent. But then I clamed down because I didn’t want to be THAT guy that ruined Obama’s inauguration. Then some lady from the press on the other side of the fence (at least I think she was press) started yelling over the fence for some dude named Melvin, Marvin or something like that to come through the fence. Now…you have a crowd that is growing pretty quickly and is probably around 1000 or more. So you can imagine when she yells for this guy to come through the fence, you have about 400 jackasses saying “Yup that’s me.” To make it worse, she then says “No he’s got a camera” after which 500 more Jackasses (myself included) said “Shit, I have a camera.” Anyway…back to Officer Douchebag. So I guess by now it’s like 5:30 or so and they finally decide that they can no longer keep holding us back because the crowd is just getting too big. So they start to let us through. Now, we’re pretty close to the front. I can see what’s about to happen. I say out loud “No Wal-Mart”…because while I came to witness history, I had no intentions of actually being a part of it due to the fact that someone around me got trampled. Of course, as soon as I say that the Old lady in front of me trips over her own feet and falls down to the ground. To be fair she could have tripped over the orange cone Officer Douchebag left sitting there. So now I have an old lady on the ground in front of me and a surging mob of a thousand people behind me. So I do what any former Boy Scout would do and with the help of KY and a few others we try to help the old lady up and hold the crowd back. Officer Douchebag on the other hand decides he’s going to yell out “Back up!!! Or I’m going to start spraying all of you!!!” and it’s at this point that I’ve had enough with this ass clown and I stand up, look him in the face and yell back “We’re helping her the fuck up you idiot.” I was pissed. If he had started macing the crowd people would have gone crazy and that lady would have died. The lady finally is back on her feet and we continue on. I just want to state that I saved and old woman’s life and that’s my good deed for 2009. So don’t ask me for shit now.
We are now running down to the Mall and we reach another point where it looks like someone might die. So when you go to get onto the Mall, there are little posts that have a chain running through them all up and down the side of the Mall. At 5:30 am…it’s still dark and you don’t see that chain. Bammas were getting hemmed the fuck up. This one white dude was bitching because people were pushing and he was holding his son. I didn’t have any sympathy. Anyone with a child that couldn’t walk on their own had no reason to be out there. I’m sorry but it was like 20 degrees outside and we still had 5 – 6 more hours. That’s borderline child abuse. Anyway, we make it over the chain and we are now running down the middle of the Mall trying to get as close as we can get. That’s when we realize there are PEOPLE SLEEPING ON THE GROUND. Now, I’m still trying to figure this one out. You know that there are going to be around 2 million people coming down to the mall…and you decide you want to curl up on the cold ass ground and sleep? And it’s not even like they were all in one spot. No…they were scattered around like they were homeless (I swear a few of them were sleeping in boxes). So now we have to navigate the maze of people sleeping on the ground like they are in their home (I can’t lie, I stepped on a few people. I couldn’t see them). Somehow we make it down to the fence which was as close as you could get without having a ticket. We notice that to the left of the Jumbotron there’s virtually no one there and so that’s where we post up. If you see a picture of the mall from that day, the first Jumbotron on the right is where we were. It looks far away from the air, but as you can see from this picture…not bad.
So it’s now about 6 am and that’s when we realize that we still have 6 more hours to go. That’s when the cold started to set in and we started to lose people. I’ll post what happened next at a later date.
So incase you didn’t know, I was at the inauguration yesterday. That’s why there’s no new Insanity Check yet. We were supposed to record last night but everyone was too exhausted. We’ll be recording on Thursday and I’ll be doing a full post on my time downtown yesterday but for now, I want to address something. I watched this video from MSNBC about Bush getting booed at the inauguration when he was introduced. You can hear Chris Mathews say “Don’t do that. Have some class.” Well, to Chris and anyone else who feels that way, I have to respectfully say…Go fuck yourself. First off, the booing and chants of “na na na na hey hey hey Good bye” were the conservative chants. Down in the mix you saw people giving the jumbotrons the finger and shouting “Fuck Bush.” And why not? This is a man who lead a party that did everything it could over the last 8 years to divide and trivialize this country. When we spoke out against the war we were called unpatriotic. Some idiots tried to renamed French Fries to Freedom Fries. When a massive storm stranded our brothers and sisters and the federal government responded horribly (we get aid to other countries faster and more effectively) we were told that they did the best they could. We were lied to about Iraq. We’ve seen our soldiers sent to war without proper equipment and then brought home to horrible medical car. President Obama now has to deal with 2 Wars and a crumbling economy (the DOW dropped 300 points yesterday and is now under 8k) so yes, Booooooooo to Bush. He has one of the worse approval ratings ever. What did you think was going to happen at an emotional event like this? I find it hilarious that the media spent the last 2 – 3 years telling us how bad Bush was and then now act surprised that the people on a day like this would react in such a way. What happened yesterday was the raw emotion and will of the people. Obama has asked that while we remember the past, we look forward to the future. I agree. But yesterday was the first time the people (myself included) could vocalize directly to George W. Bush how we felt about him and we did. Now that he is officially out of the office, we can move forward. I don’t care about prosecuting him or members of his Administration. I won’t be protesting outside of his home. Me and 2 – 3 million other people vocalized our dissent on the 20th and that’s good enough for me. Don’t criticize us for speaking out minds and going with the gut, emotional reaction that many of the American people have but the media has tried to downplay.
So Obama arrived in Washington D.C. last weekend to prepare to take the highest political office in this country, but amazingly, he wasn’t the most interesting African-American politician on his way to Washington. Enter Roland Burris the newly appointed (by embattled Democratic Governor Rod Blagojevich) Senator for Illinois. Quite honestly, this situation shouldn’t even be an issue. No, Blagojevich has not been convicted of any crimes so he is technically innocent until proven guilty. But regardless of his innocence, I think it’s clear that he was flirting with line between moral and immoral like adolescents at an underground party. What should have happened was Burris should have said “Thanks but no thanks” to Blagojevich and waited until the investigation against the Governor or whatever solution the Illinois State Senate and Supreme Court came up with were completed. That’s the smart and common sense thing to do. Anyone who says otherwise is talking out of their anus. This is not an issue about race. Yes, with the election of Obama there are now zero African American U.S. Senators, definitely something that needs to be addressed…but that is a separate issue from the Burris appointment. The first thing that needs to be addressed is the fact that the people of Illinois no longer have confidence in their Governor (and for good reason). Once that is addressed, and only once that has been addressed should there then be discussions about filling the seat with an African American.
When I watched Rep. Bobby Rush come out and accuse Harry Reid of racism and “plantation politics”, I was both embarrassed and angered as an African American. Reid has been falling over backwards to please and support President Elect Obama (who by the way, also opposed Burris’s appointment when it first occurred) and Rush wants to accuse him of racism? It suddenly reminded me how much old civil rights leaders and members of the Congressional Black Caucus pissed me off early in the democratic primaries with their excessive use of the race card. Don’t get me wrong, the race card is sometimes necessary. But it’s like when you play spades. You need to know when the 8 of Spades is more appropriate than the Ace of Spades and when sometimes you don’t play a Spade because you don’t want to cut your partner.
Roland Buriss was picked by Blagojevich solely to cause the turmoil that is going on now. Come on. Think about it. You think Blagojevich picked Buriss, a 71 year old African American politician who has a history of not making it out of democratic primaries (sure, he’s never lost to a Republican just like the Lions never lost a 2008 Preseason game) and has stated his intention to NOT run in 2010, because he was qualified? And do you think Burris accepted this position solely because of his commitment to the people of Illinois and not for his own ambitions? If you believe that then I have a bridge in Brooklyn along with a case full of glass hammers to sell you. Burris was picked because he was black (You saw Reid dancing on Meet the Press) and Blagojevich knew he wouldn’t turn down a U.S. Senate seat (I mean…come on…dude built his own mausoleum in memory of himself…and he’s still living).
If for some reason you still can’t see why people were kinda upset by Burris taking the Senate seat then think about this. Let’s say Bernie Maddof wrote you a check for $100K. Would you take it? Technically, he hasn’t been convicted of anything. Yet we all know that if Bernie is writing you a check, chances are, that money is tainted. I don’t care if you’re intention is to give the whole check to charity…you don’t take the money. That’s how I feel about this Burris appointment. Sure, he’ll be a Senator and legally it’s his right to do so. Still, I can’t help but shake my head and think that when Malcolm X said “By any means necessary” this isn’t what he had in mind.
Kriss and Dylan are in the studio once again another hilarious and classic conversation occurs. Actually, there are a couple of shining points. Like the talk of midgets and the Witness Protection Program for Whores. Then there’s a discussion about Real New Years Resolutions…like bringing common sense back (fat people beware). Obama is impressing Kriss and Dylan and once again, Joe the Plumber is back in the news. Then the latest relationship talk: why men don’t want to cuddle.
We’re looking for writers for TheInsanityReport.com and guests for the Insanity Check Podcast. If you are interested, email us at KrissandTheKorean@theInsanityReport.com. Also hit us up if you’re good with graphic designs or music production (we’re looking for a new opening for the podcast). Join the Facebook Fan page or follow us on Twitter.
We at the Insanity Report Salute Tucker Bounds…the douchebag spokesman for John McCain that took his lumps from the media like a champ. You can’t buy blind loyalty like this.
Once again it is time for the Third Annual Insanity Report End of the Year WTF’s. This is a time that we can all sit back and reflect on all the craziness of this past year and what a crazy year it has been. OJ’s back in jail, Brett Favre is a Jet, Bill and Hillary Clinton were back making headlines and a black man was elected President…man…it’s almost like a Bizzaro world where we’re living in the 90’s again (minus the Black man as President).
Movie Quote of the Year “If you aren’t thinking about pussy, you aren’t concentrating” Russell Crowe as Ed Hoffman – Body of Lies
I swear when I heard Crowe utter those words to DiCaprio’s Roger Ferris I damn near choked to death on my $5 popcorn. I remember vividly because I was being extra cheap that night and I didn’t want to pay an extra $5 for a drink. It’s even funnier when later on in the movie Ferris asks Hoffman “Still thinking about pussy?” I can’t remember what Hoffman’s response was but I know I damn sure was. “I Told You So” of the Year Brett Favre Go back and listen to IC 14: Brett Favre Sucks. I called it at the beginning of the year. Brett Favre is a mediocre quarterback. He has 1 touchdown and 6 interceptions in his last four games. He had 21 TDs and 19 Interceptions for the year. That is mediocre. Sure, he’s good for a breakout game (which he had with that 6 TD game) but then he’s also good for even more bonehead games. Sure, the Packers aren’t going to the playoffs and the Jets might (I’m writing this Sunday before game time), however, it’s the Packer’s defense that kept them out of the playoffs. Plus, the real comparison shouldn’t be between Favre and Rodgers, who is starting for the first time as an NFL quarterback (And still having a better season than Brett). No, the real comparison should be between Brett and Chad Pennington who has taken the 1 – 15 Dolphins from a year ago to a playoff bound 10 – 5 team. Quietly, Chad’s been outplaying Brett. But don’t expect the media to take Brett’s cock out their mouths anytime soon.
Ether Statement of the Year “And I think that it is going to be part of the president’s job to deal with more than one thing at once”
To be perfectly honest, I think President Elect Barack Obama has earned a Nasir Jones Ether layer award. Throughout the entire campaign, he would have these subtle jabs and one liners that would make you say “Gotdamn” and pause and rewind the video like you did when you heard Ether for the first time. Earlier in the campaign he hit Hillary Clinton with the Annie Oakley line, brushed the dirt off his shoulders and while he was most definitely not talking about Palin, that “You can put lipstick on a pig” line was hilarious ether directed at John McCain. However, when the financial crisis hit and John McCain, struggling to stay afloat like a fat kid in the deep end, decided he would suspend his campaign, claim he wasn’t going to the debate and fly back to Washington (after fatefully skipping out on Letterman)…Obama called his bluff. During a press conference shortly after McCain’s announcement Obama said the following (among other things)
“With respect to the debates, it’s my belief that this is exactly the time when the American people need to hear from the person who, in approximately 40 days, will be responsible for dealing with this mess. And I think that it is going to be part of the president’s job to deal with more than one thing at once. I think there’s no reason why we can’t be constructive in helping to solve this problem and also tell the American people what we believe and where we stand and where we want to take the country.”
Translation: John McCain says I’m not experienced enough to be President yet he can’t handling prepping for a debate and carrying out his duties as a Senator at the same time.
Runner Up Mitt Romney – “He’s a Senator killer”. When talking to the press about the republican chances, Romney gave a blunt (and as we later found out, correct) assessment of John McCain’s chances. Don’t take my word for it, look at it yourself.
Overused Phrases of the Year Swagger
Swagger outlived it’s usefulness before the song. The song was just the straw that broke the camel’s back in 3 different places. Aside from its rampant overuse, the other problem with the word “swagger” (or “swag”) is that it was also misused. Swag is like an aurora that you give off. It is noticed by those around you. You don’t have swag simply because you say so. Now you have everyone walking around with an unearned sense of entitlement because of some misdirected, self indulging declaration of their own swagger. Here’s the funny thing about swagger. If you have to announce it…you really don’t have it.
No Homo
Again, another phrase that is not only overused but misused. Seems that dudes think these days they can say something, that is in fact, extremely homo and think that just because they stick “No Homo” at the end of the phrase that everything is okay. Here’s a hint. If “No Homo” is becoming an increasingly frequent part of your vocabulary, then that means you are doing something wrong.
Pedophile of the Year – AKA the Golden Shower Chris Hansen Award R. Kelly
If seeing O.J get off in that murder trial made most black people cheer, then hearing the R. Kelly verdict made most people with an IQ above 20 go “WTF?” This man got caught on tape with a 14 year old and somehow got off “not guilty.” All this talk about “well, we couldn’t be sure of the girl’s age” is ridiculous. Common Sense lets us know that R. Kelly should be in jail. He has a known history of messing with little girls. But, in the end he beat the charge. Just seems strange that Mike Vick is in jail and R. Kelly isn’t there to help “braid his hair.”
Runners up Mark Foley - Attention Mark Foley. The “They wanted it” defense doesn’t apply to minors. Michael Jackson – He’s had a pretty quiet year but that gay Muslim Zorro outfit has to get him at least a honorable mention.
Coons of the Year Every Black Person That Talked Shit about Obama
This one should be obvious. We should have known that when the first viable African American candidate for President appeared that the coons would come out of the woodworks, falling and tripping over themselves to try to keep Obama down and make themselves look good in front of massa. I originally was going to give this award to Black Republicans, but then I remembered that the original Obama coons were actually Black Democrats. Remember Bob Johnson? Hillary paraded him out on her Southern “See I have Black Friends” tour when it became obvious that Obama was starting to roll up the black vote like a snowball going down a hill. First there was him taking shots at Obama for his past drug use and then, when his candidate finally conceded, the very next day he started circulating a petition to try to force Obama’s hand and make him pick Hillary as his runningmate. I haven’t forgotten those in the Congressional Black Caucus who didn’t support Obama, not because they did not believe his message but because they knew the Clintons would scratch their back on a quid pro quo. Then who could forget Democratic delegate Ann Price Mills who even after Hillary Clinton called for unity at the convention, still couldn’t bring herself to support Obama. And that’s just the DEMOCRATS. Least we forget James T. Harris begging McCain to go at Obama for his Bill Ayers connection and claiming Obama was a socialist or the house negroes over on Fox News like Juan Williams that were visibly jealous every time Obama hit a milestone. I said it during the election and I’ll say it again, I have no problem with blacks that didn’t support Obama based on facts. I have a problem with those that used silly logic and reasoning to talk down about the man, particularly in front of white people to make themselves look better.
Overrated Movie of the Year Wanted
It’s not Wanted fault for being overrated. Just bad timing. It fell in between Iron Man and The Dark Knight, the two best Action/comic book movies ever made. I remember some saying that it was better than Iron Man and while I don’t smoke, I really want the number to their connect cause if I ever do smoke, I want the very best stuff. Wanted was good but not that good. The movie got publicity solely based on Angelina Jolie’s diminishing sex appeal. Seriously, her stock is falling faster than a porn star with a positive HIV report. I think it’s the fact that she’s so damn skinny. No woman that’s popped out twins should be that thin naturally. She’s like 110 lbs with 80 of that in her lips. Her ass is non-existent. Need to put it up on the back of a milk carton (“Have You seen this ass? Call 1-800-LNG-BACK Last Seen…NEVER”). Props to Common for adding to his acting resume by once again playing an blank face, monotone assassin. I will say it was a huge improvement from his criminally bland Smoking Aces performance. Keanu Reeves needs to watch out…Common could take over Reeves’s top spot as the #1 blank face actor in Hollywood. Again, I’m not saying the movie was horrible…no…it was great. Just a little overrated. I will say it does have one of the greatest moments in movie cinema history with Morgan Freeman saying “Shoot this motherfucker.” LOL. It was like hearing your sweet, church going grandmother cuss for the first time. Classic.
Worse Politician of the Year John Edwards
I know you were probably expecting Rod Blagojevich here. I know the corrupt governor of Illinois with the world’s worse shape up is on the top of everyone’s Naughty Politician list but that’s only because he’s currently in the news. When you put all the exposed politicians in a line up, only John Edwards stands out in terms of just how shocking and damaging it could have been. Think about it. This douchebag John Edwards was running for President of the United States. What if Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton cancelled each other out and somehow the weakest link ended up getting the nomination? Don’t think it’s so far fetched. Democrats have a history of picking the weakest candidate (See 2004 and the selection of John “Lurch” Kerry over Howard “Yee-Haww” Dean). Imagine if this scandal broke after the DNC. We’d be pretty much guaranteed a McCain/Palin Administration just because this self righteous asshole was too busy thinking about power and pussy instead of the fact that the skeletons in his closet could end up fucking us over. In this day and age, secrets don’t keep…especially ones involving a democratic candidate for President who is cheating on his wife…who just so happens to have cancer.
Runners Up John McCain - Sarah Palin was the most qualified Republican woman? GTFOH. You know better. Thank God the American people didn’t fall for it this time.
Slut of the Year Bristol Palin
Sorry but I never bought the bullshit. Levi Johnson said it himself on his MySpace page. He didn’t want kids. But when the girl you are dating gets pregnant, her mom has been tapped to run for Vice President on the Republican ticket AND she’s against abortion…you’re officially screwed. I always love how Republicans set themselves up to put their own foot in their mouths. You’re against abortion and even worse, you only support abstinence only sex education…and then your daughter gets pregnant out of wedlock. The worse thing though was the facade that somehow these two were so deeply in love they wanted to get married. That’s a divorce waiting to happen. Sad thing for Levi though…he’ll have to wait until at least 2012 to get that divorce. He has to play happy until his future mother in-law realizes she’s out of her league when it comes to National politics.
Runner Up Ashley Dupre - One of the reasons I’m not in a rush to get married and have kids is because if my daughter grew up to be a hooker known for getting some politician caught up in a sex scandal, I might actually kill myself. I can only imagine what Dupre’s parents are going through. Their daughter has her own entry in Wikipedia for being the hooker that got Eliot Spitzer caught up. That’s the indicator that you failed as a parent.
Media punching bag of the Year Tucker Bounds
I don’t feel sorry for republican douchebags too often but honestly, the way Tucker Bounds was repeatedly beaten and abused verbally in front of millions of cable news watchers for 18 months was almost criminal. It was like watching those Anna Nicole Smith home movies where you knew the downward spiral you were watching couldn’t be happening to a more deserving person but it still made you cringe. Make no mistake Tucker Bounds is your typical white boy Republican douchbag who would try to convince you that the sky was green even if you can produce time stamped pictures of the sky clearly being blue. During the campaign his delusion about McCain’s chances reminded me of Washington Redskins fans that each year convince themselves that this year is different. I’ll give him credit for sticking to the Republican talking points even when it was clear that everyone else knew they were bullshit. Lesser McCain aides couldn’t do that. Even Carla Fiorina broke down when asked if she would hire Palin to run a company and said “no.” Bounds would have not only said “yes” but would have made an argument, albeit a flawed one, that she should get a bonus. It’s clear that the biggest loser of this Election wasn’t McCain or Palin but Bounds. What’s he going to do now? I say since he has a knack for getting pummeled by the media that he becomes George W. Bush’s personal spokesman. He can spend the next 15 years trying to convince everyone that Bush wasn’t that bad of a president.
Best Hot Mic Incident “It’s Over” -Peggy Noonan and Mike Murphy talking about McCain’s VP Choice
When Former Reagan speechwriter Peggy Noonan and former McCain adviser Mike Murphy were caught on tape saying “It’s over” and that picking Palin was “gimmicky” it only confirmed what most rational humans on the planet knew. Noonan later tried to clean it up and say that she was talking about it was “over” for the Republican party to assume it’s base was mainstream America…but we all know they were talking about John McCain picking the single most UNQUALIFIED person to ever be picked for Vice President. During the same incident Chuck Todd asked Noonan if Palin was the most qualified woman the Republicans could nominate and Noonan responded:
“The most qualified? No. I think they went for this, excuse me, political bullshit about narratives. Every time the Republicans do that, because that’s not where they live and that’s not what they’re good at, they blow it.”
It’s okay Peggy. 365 electoral votes to 173 electoral votes later and it turns out your original assessment was spot on. It was OVER.
Runners Up Shaq on Kobe – Okay, not really a hot microphone…Shaq knew it was going to be recorded and on youtube. But still…LOL. Rappers pay attention. You don’t have to shoot each other up…leave the beefing on wax.
Dumbass of the Year Plaxico Burress
After Orenthal James got himself arrested on felony charges in Vegas and “Ron Mexico” going down for running a criminal enterprise across state lines involving pit bulls, you would think NFL players would have smartened up. At first I thought it was going to be Pacman Jones to get this award. I was flabbergasted when this negro got a second lease on his football life from Rodger Goodell, a nice contract from Jerry Jones and the Cowboys, his own personal security detail and yet still managed to get his ass in trouble. But in a bizarre and dumbfounding turn of events, Super Bowl Wide Receiver Plaxico Burress swooped in at the last minute to snatch this award from the outstretched hands of Pacman (Extremely ironic when you consider Pacman is a DB and Burress is a WR). A black athlete getting caught with an unregistered gun isn’t really that shocking of a discovery. But when that discovery is due to the fact that said athlete shot himself in the leg, the mind tends to overload from the stupidity. I’m still wondering if it’s the same leg that had forced Burress to sit out some games and be such a bust on my Fantasy Football team. Sorry but I don’t have sympathy for these idiots that claim they need a gun to protect themselves when they a) Haven’t been properly trained in using a gun for self defense and b) Keep a loaded gun in some baggy sweat pants basically ensuring themselves that they won’t be able to pull the gun out in time. Which leads me to another thought. Black celebrities always claim that they need to protect themselves with these weapons because they are targets at clubs. But if the dress code of the club allows you to come in sweatpants…don’t you think that is not a reputable establishment you need to be at?
Runners Up OJ – 15 – Sentenced to 33 years for robbery with a deadly weapon, burglary with a firearm (aren’t these two redundant?), first degree kidnapping with a deadly weapon and other felony charges for trying to get back some cheap ass memorabilia with the other members of the retired A-Team. Again, White People…it’s okay to say this was payback. We get it. Hell, you didn’t even try with this one. His co-defendants got probation.
Dumbass Song(s) of the Year Lollipop
Last year he was on a song about duffle bags that looked like man purses. This year he makes a song about lollipops. I predict next year Lil Wayne raps about getting a manicure and facial. It’s the next logical step in rap music’s emasculation of men. And that doesn’t even go into the fact that Lil Wayne basically took the old Tootsie Roll Pop commercial (The one with the Owl) and made it into a song. And mofos were still shaking their asses to this in the club. And when I say “shaking their asses” I’m unfortunately not just talking about women. Now I got into a heated discussion about putting Lollipop as dumbass song of the year over Bust it Baby by Plies. Yes, Bust it Baby was stupid as hell. I have yet to find someone who can tell me what a Bust it Baby is. Of course that hasn’t stopped girls from singing the song (Here’s a hint ladies…whatever it is, it can’t be good). Bust it Baby is so bad that they had to do it twice, the second time they put Neyo on it so that he could actually translate what Plies was trying to say. Still, in my opinion Lollipop was worse because of the way it infectiously corrupted the brain cells of people by slowly growing on them like a fungus. It grew on people so much now some are actually saying they like it. Bust it Baby didn’t have that power. You could turn away from Bust it Baby, but Lollipop seems to draw people to listen to it. It’s like when you go to the zoo and you see monkeys fucking . You know you should turn away but yet, you are still intrigued.
Runner Up Bust It Baby - When you need a remix of the original in order to put an R&B singer on it to translate what you are trying to say…you need to stop making music
Crybaby of the Year Young Buck
I have a particular disgust for rappers who talk a lot of gangsa shit but then end up being softer than a new born baby’s bottom. Hearing Young Buck begging and crying on the phone made a little piece of me die. No man should have to get to that level. It’s quite pathetic. You fucked up. Take the consequences of your actions and deal with them. Don’t call another grown man crying. It’s quite disgusting.
Runner Up Country of Georgia - Let me see if I have this straight. The U.S. is bogged down in two wars and is going through some financial problems…and you thought they would come to your aid when you taunted the sleeping Russian bear? Seriously, if I had been President and I got that 3 am phone call begging for help, I would have hung the phone up and rolled back over.
Gangstas of the Year The Axis of Evil + Putin and Russia
Kim Jong-il and North Korea bully the U.S. into giving them concessions and aid by promising to end their Nuclear program, only to restart it shortly after destroying ONE of their reactors. Mahmoud Ahmadinejad goes on his “Death to America” tour to the U.N. and Columbia University, then is later joined in South America by Hugo Chavez where they plan a new oil partnership. Russia, filling in the empty Axis of Evil seat vacated by Iraq, stomps a mudhole into Georgia for stepping out of line and tells Bush flat out “You put a missile defense grid in the states around us and we’ll point nuclear weapons at them.” Even Iraq, the Former Axis of Evildoer now on probation has taken some stands, like having a $79 billion surplus but having the U.S. foot the reconstruction bill, playing hardball with the Bush Administration on the U.S.-Iraq security agreement and how can we all forget the shoe-throwing incident. I knew it was stupid when Bush decided to call out the “Axis of Evil” during his State of the Union Address back in 2002. Aside from being an extremely juvenile and comic-booky term for a sitting President to use, it just seemed like a really bad idea to hit the hornet’s nest with a stick.
Athlete of the Year Barack Obama
Sorry Michael Phelps but I’m still tripping on the fact that the next President of the United States has game. He has the nuclear codes and he can also drain a jumper in your face from 22 feet out. That’s a cold mofo right there.
Use of Expired 15 Minutes of Fame Tie between Sarah Palin and Joe the Plumber
The way the media still talks about Sarah Palin you wouldn’t think that John McCain and Sarah Palin got blown out by Barack Obama and Joe Biden in the electoral college and that states like Indiana, Virginia and North Carolina turned blue. But the media loves a train wreck. Clips from the Charlie Gibson and Katie Couric interviews still haunt my nightmares with what could have been the next Vice President of the United States. The McCain camp seemed to realize this too and almost immediately after the lost tried to put the Hockey Mom back into the bottle…but it seems that they might be too late. They actually convinced this lady that she can be President. Just recently she said that the greatest mistake of the campaign was not letting her speak to the media more. Yes…you read that right. The lady that went on national television and on multiple occasions said that being geographically close to Russia gives her foreign policy experience thinks she should have been talking to reporters MORE. Unbelievable.
But Sarah Palin wasn’t alone. Joe the Plumber was also just as much an annoying 15 minute of famer as her. Joe became famous for a 6 minute impromptu discussion he had with Barack Obama in which, after spending 5 minutes trying to explain his tax plan to this undercover Republican douchebag Barack tried to dumb it down even further for this idiot by saying “spread the wealth” and John McCain and Republicans took that 5 second clip and put it on loop. Just like Sarah Palin, a little digging from the media found that Joe wasn’t really who he said he was. He didn’t own a business and he’d actually get a tax cut under Obama’s plan. That didn’t stop him from milking his new found fame. He claimed to be an Independent but he spewed Republican talking points so well (Obama scares me, he’s a socialist, blah blah blah) he damn near lived on Fox News (along with his ¾ retarded friend Tito the Builder). Apparently there’s a book deal in the works and he’s also trying to get his music career started. Seriously, if douchebags like Joe the Plumber represent every day Americans…we are fucked.
Stop Being So PC Award Tropic Thunder Complaints Okay. Let’s explain something. Robert Downey Jr. played a “black” guy in Tropic Thunder. Yes, Robert Downey Jr. is White and no, if they had picked a black guy for the role it wouldn’t have worked. See, Tropic Thunder was satire folks. Satire – the use of irony, sarcasm, ridicule and the like, in exposing, denouncing or deriding vice, folly, etc. So, having Downey play an actor who goes to any length for a part, including a “radical surgery” to play a black guy would fall under that category. They say it’s “not satire if people don’t get it.” That’s not true because I’m almost sure that 80% of the population doesn’t get satire. Same goes for those that protested Tropic Thunder for the “Simple Jack” portion because they felt that the movie was making fun of retarded people. Again, if that’s the baseline for protesting a movie then we might as well stop making satire movies all together. I wonder if people would have been pissed if Downey had thrown on some sandals and a head scarf or if Stiller was blind. Somehow I doubt it. I understand that some people misuse the term “satire” (See the recent case of Tennessee Republican Chip Saltsman and his ‘Barack the Magic Negro’ CD). However you have to be able to see that correct satire has a point (which if you watch Tropic Thunder in it’s entirity, you will see) and “satire” like Mr. Saltsman’s is just a way of disguising predjudice.
Disturbing Trend of the Year Skinny jeans
Do men who wear skinny jeans not see how ridiculous they look in the mirror before they walk out the house? There’s nothing wrong with some regular, non-baggy jeans…but when you are wearing jeans that make compressor shorts seem free flowing, that’s a problem. What’s next? Bringing back those fish net half shirts in the summer time? On second thought…forget I said that, cause someone out there will do that. This trend disturbs me because it means one of two things: 1. Men are becoming gayier or 2. Men’s balls are shrinking. Either one is very disturbing.
Underperformer of the Year Beyonce
I wanted to give this award to Lil Wayne with his lackluster and lyrically lazy Carter III album (I don’t care that it sold a 1 million and got 8 Grammy nominations, it sucked) but I can’t ignore the travesty that is Beyonce. Just like Keanu Reeves and his blank stare as he murmured “I know Kung Fu”, I can picture Beyonce standing in front of a mirror with a Stepford Wife blank stare saying “I am Sasha Fierce” in front of it. Apparently “Sasha” is Beyonce’s on stage persona and if that’s the case, Beyonce needs to keep Sasha on the stage and out of the studio. Normally when I write about something, I’ve researched it but in this case, I couldn’t get past the three horrible singles Beyonce’s released. The new woman’s anthem “Single Ladies” is one of the worse songs I’ve ever heard. Aside from the fact that its basically all chorus and the video was the laziest I’ve ever seen (sorry, I can see butt naked woman shaking it just like that on YouTube any day of the week) the after effects make it worse. Now just about every girl out there, from the fine as wine types to the bloated Gollum troll looking bitches are pointing to their ring fingers and saying “Put a ring on it.” Bitch I wouldn’t give you an order of onion rings. Also I can’t help but feel that Beyonce is a little schizophrenic (Probably a side effect of giving Sasha a microphone). On the one hand she has Like a Boy (Didn’t Ciara already do this concept?) which tries to get men to think about how they treat women (which is pointless since no man is really listening to this CD) but then on Diva she’s talking about being a female version of a hustla. You can’t have it both ways.
Runners Up Lil Wayne – Again, I don’t care if it sold a million records the first week. So did 50 Cent’s The Masssacre and that album was also some human feces. Dr. Dre - Look, just go ahead and say you don’t have it anymore. Don’t blame it on Eminem hitting his stride again. We’ve been waiting for another record for what? 8 years now? Hillary Clinton - So what if she got 18 million votes? She lost to a black freshman senator. Hillary Clinton was the inevitable. She was supposed to crush her democratic competition and then eat the republicans alive. Sure, she got a Secretary of Defense job out of it, but still, it’s a huge step down from where she wanted to be.
Losers of the Year Detroit Lions Worse.Sports Franchise.Ever. Again, I’m writing this before the results come in from the last games of the season but I’m betting that the Packers don’t pull a Baltimore Ravens from last year and mess up my chance for seeing a NFL team go 0 – 16. I think next year they should suit up some cheerleaders. The skill levels will be about the same and they might be distracting enough to win a game or two. I asked this on a recent podcast, why are the Lions still called a professional football team? All the rest of the teams need to donate their draft picks so that Detroit can get a whole new team. One #1 draft pick isn’t going to do much. Speaking of #1 draft picks…how much does it suck to be the #1 draft pick next year knowing you are going to a team that just got in the record books for not winning a single game all season?
Person(s) of the Year The American People
People Magazine took the easy way out when they selected Barack Obama as the Person of the Year. Yes, Obama definitely is deserving of the award. He came from no where, implemented the 50 State Strategy, took down the Clinton political machine, held racist bastards at bay and then beat the well liked Republican Maverick and his pet Hockey Mom. All while inspiring a nation. That’s huge. Definitely deserving. But the American people as a whole are more deserving. Over the last 8 years I began to lose faith in the ability of the American People to see through the bullshit and focus on the important stuff. There were plenty of opportunities during the election for the American people revert back to paying attention to wedge issues and petty stuff but they didn’t. First, they looked past Barack Obama’s race (for the most part). Then there was the Reverend Wright incident. Then all the rumors, negative ads and just silliness (Obama’s a socialist?) that came in the fall. Through it all, the American people stepped up to the plate and said “Not this time.” I’ll be honest, Obama gambled. He repeatedly said during the election that he had faith in the American people to see through the “silly season” and focus on the issues at hand. I didn’t think it would happen but it did. Of course only time will tell if this is a temporary moment of clarity or if people have really awaken from their intellectual slumber. Sadly, I don’t think it’ll be lasting long but for now…I’ll enjoy it.
We mistakenly say during the show that this is our 42nd episode when it’s really the 43rd. We discuss leaving CP time in 2008, showing up on time to a party when you are supposed to be bringing something, setting up a draft charity for the Detroit Lions so they can redo their entire team, Gays blowing the Rick Warren-Obama issue out of proportion, Dick Cheney showing why he’s such a huge dickwad, Sarah Palin is back in the news, the continued pussification of our children and much more.
When you’re the first African-American/Minority to hold the office of President, you should feel pretty good about yourself when after naming just about your entire cabinet, the only thing people can really complain about are superficial and trivial issues. By now we’ve all heard the latest gripe with Obama: “He’s turned his back on the progressives, women’s groups and GLTB groups that got him elected” by selecting Rick Warren to give the 3 minute invocation at the Inauguration. Wow…that’s some slap in the face. I mean, a whole 3 minutes. That’s like three bags of Uncle Ben’s Minute rice. Geez people, give me a break. The comments I’m reading from some liberals would make you think that Obama’s one step away from signing a Constitutional Amendment banning gay marriage on January 21st.
It’s time to get some things straight. I saw a member of Americans United for the Seperation of Church and State on Count Down call Rick Warren “Jerry Falwell in a Hawaiian shirt”. Okay, Warren might be a religious right conservative Republican who set Obama up in a hostile environment at the Saddleback Forum but Jerry Falwell he is not. Remember this little tidbit from the late Jerry Falwell and his buddy Pat Robertson when they spoke about who was to blame for 9/11:
“The ACLU has got to take a lot of blame for this. And I know I’ll hear from them for this, but throwing God…successfully with the help of the federal court system…throwing God out of the public square, out of the schools, the abortionists have got to bear some burden for this because God will not be mocked and when we destroy 40 million little innocent babies, we make God mad…I really believe that the pagans and the abortionists and the feminists and the gays and the lesbians who are actively trying to make that an alternative lifestyle, the ACLU, People for the American Way, all of them who try to secularize America…I point the thing in their face and say you helped this happen.”
Falwell and Robertson blamed 9/11 on the ACLU, pagans, abortionists, feminists and gays. Now that’s some hateful speech right there. When I look up Rick Warren and try to find controversial statements about Gays, this link is all I really find. The GLTB community is saying that Warren has compared gay marriage to incest and pedophilia. Not quite. Here’s the actual statement Warren made from the link before:
The issue to me, I’m not opposed to that as much as I’m opposed to redefinition of a 5,000 year definition of marriage. I’m opposed to having a brother and sister being together and calling that marriage. I’m opposed to an older guy marrying a child and calling that marriage. I’m opposed to one guy having multiple wives and calling that marriage.
Keep reading it over and over again to see if you can find the hateful comments. Read the entire “controversial” interview if you want. I know I couldn’t find the hateful comments. Calling someone’s comments “hateful” because you disagree with them is no different than when the Bush Administration called people “unpatriotic” for speaking out against the war. Warren is basically stating his position which is marriage should not be redefined as anything other than two consenting adults, one male and one female. To him, because it’s been like that for 5,000 years it should not be changed. I disagree and believe that as times changes, society should evolve as well. I believe that Proposition 8 was wrong because for the first time the Constitution was changed to specifically limit the rights of a group of individuals (This is actually Obama’s stated reason for not supporting Constitutional ban…not because he supports gay marriage) whereas Warren saw it as reaffirming a religious tradition. We have a fundamental disagreement. I do not see anything hateful in his statements. Are super liberals really trying to put him in the same category as a Jerry Falwell, Pat Robertson or Rick Santorum? Hell, remember John Hagee? He blamed Katrina on a Gay and Lesbian parade down in New Orleans. Warren is nowhere near that bad. To be honest, his position is not really that far from Obama’s. Throughout the campaign Obama said that while he was not for a Constitutional ban on gay marriage, marriage was between a man and a woman and that he supports civil unions. He’s flatly said he does not support same-sex marriage. On several occasions. I just do not see where the beef is.
Super Liberals, or Progressives as they like to call themselves need to be careful or they will fall into the same trap that Conservatives did these last eight years. See, this country isn’t liberal or conservative. It’s moderate. It’s not center-right or center-left, it’s center. You are not going to convince everyone in this country to believe the same thing you do and that’s fine. We just spent eight years under a President who governed from the socially conservative right (yet somehow completely forgot about being fiscally conservative), completely shutting out opposing viewpoints and now liberals seem to think that the election of Barack Obama is “Payback Time.” I voted for Barack Obama specifically to avoid “liberal payback.” Sure, if Obama had picked a bunch of progressive liberals for his cabinet and used his near majority in Congress to push through super liberal legislation, I would feel better about the government than I have the last 8 years. However conservatives would feel just as bitter as I have the last 8 years and that means the country would still be divided, therefore our society as a whole would have made zero progress. Obama said it best, he’s going to become President of the UNITED States of America, not the Blue States of America, not the Red States of America…the UNITED States of America. I’m willing to compromise for the better of my country. I’m willing to let Obama sit down at the table with those he disagrees with on some issues to try to move the country forward on others. Bush tried to cram his beliefs down our throats. That did not work. Cramming liberal beliefs down conservatives throats is going to be just as ineffective. Change takes time. You cannot rush it. You want to hold Obama’s feet to the fire on torture, Health Care, tax cuts, Iraq, Gitmo and all his other campaign promises…be my guest (I’ve stated before, I will be lighting him up if he sticks with the plan to arm Afghan militias). But remember, he also promised to work with people he disagreed with so you cannot complain about it when he does. Rick Warren is not on the Obama team, he’s not going to be making policy. He’s giving a 3 minute invocation. It’s really not that serious or that much of a snub. Get over it.
Cheney Steps out of his Bunker
The real life Super Villian himself, Dick Cheney as emerged from his evil lair to grant the “liberal media” soundbites and interviews before he’s finally kicked out of the Oval Office. First up was him saying that Obama will appreciate the increases in Executive Power that the Bush Administration enacted. In an interview with Rush Limbaugh (If Evil Super Villians needed a Press Secretary, Rush would be it), Cheney said:
“We did not exceed our constitutional authority, as some have suggested,” Cheney added. “The President believes, I believe very deeply, in a strong executive, and I think that’s essential in this day and age. And I think the Obama administration is not likely to cede that authority back to the Congress. I think they’ll find that given a challenge they face, they’ll need all the authority they can muster.”
Honestly, reading that, was like watching Emperor Palpatine trying to corrupt the young Anakin Skywalker to the Dark Side or when Darth Vader was asking Luke to join him by his side. Geez Cheney, you’re right, suspending civil liberties does make governing a little bit easier but isn’t that the point? The job of the Government is such a difficult and taxing one because they have to do their job without trampling on the civil rights of their citizens. I love the line “We did not exceed our constitutional authority, as some have suggested.” The people that Cheney is referring to are those that have actually read the Constitution and not just used it as paper to wipe their asses with as he has been doing for the last 8 years. But wait…there’s more. In an interview with ABC news Cheney said the following in regards to the CIA’s controversial interrogation tactics:
“I was aware of the program, certainly, and involved in helping get the process cleared,” Cheney said in an interview with ABC News.
Asked whether he still believes it was appropriate to use the waterboarding method on terrorism suspects, Cheney said: “I do.”
This is why your first name is Dick, you dickwad. You’re supposed to say NO. First off, you’re not supposed to admit to being the one who got the process of torturing mofos cleared. I guess the fear that Bush is going to lay down a blanket pardon is justified. Then, you’re not supposed to say that waterboarding is appropriate. Of course it’s torture, of course it’s wrong and of course you’re still going to do it. BUT FOR THE LOVE OF GOD AT LEAST ACT LIKE YOU HAVE SOME KIND OF HUMANITY IN YOU. Even if it’s pretend…WTF
US to Start Arming Afghan Militias
Oh what could possibly go wrong with giving U.S weapons to Afghan militias? Seriously, I sometimes wonder if the idiots in the government have picked up a history book. I seem to recall something in history class about the C.I.A. arming Afghan militants against the Russians back in the 70’s. I think I even did a timeline on something like this. Let’s see, we trained them in how to fight an insurgency, how to make IEDs, we even trained them to use Stinger missiles. Fast forward 30 years and we are now fighting the remnants of those CIA trained militiamen in Iraq, Pakistan, Somalia, and Afghanistan. I think we call them Al Qaeda. Duh. And if the U.S. can’t remember history from 30 years ago, how about from a couple of years ago. Those Iraqi militias we gave weapons too, sure, they helped fight Al Qaeda…but they didn’t give the weapons back (who would) and now they pose a threat to both Iraqi Civilians, the Iraqi Government AND our troops. Good policy guys. I know Obama’s talked about doing something similar to this and I swear, I voted for the guy but I still say if he supports this, it’s a pretty idiotic thing to do. WTF
Caroline Kennedy wants Clinton’s senate seat
Does anyone else find it as funny as I do that there are Clinton loyalists questioning Caroline Kennedy’s qualifications to be a Senator? Are they forgetting that when Senator Clinton ran for her Senate seat, she had barely been living in New York and only had her husband’s name as her credentials? I was watching Morning Joe and they were talking out the side of their necks again. Joe and Mika (who is slowly starting to annoy the hell out of me) were saying that with the election of Obama, the American people have shown that they are tired of political family dynasties. Okay, that’s only half right. The American people are tired of Bush/Clinton political family dynasties. America LOVES the Kennedys. And considering that the most prominent Kennedys were associated with Obama during the election, I doubt that America is tired of them (Remember the love from both sides of the aisle that Ted got when he was at the DNC?). Caroline was very instrumental in Obama’s campaign and she would be an excellent choice. And if she does a bad job, then she’ll be voted out in 2 years. What’s the problem? WTF
PTA Official caught half naked with 13 year old
What about a 13 year old, barely hitting puberty boy does something for a grown ass woman? What woman gets horny and goes “Damn, I really want some pre-teen boy cock?” The other question I have is why are women always getting themselves caught up in this? Like they always get caught red handed cause they either get pregnant or they do like this idiot does and tries to have sex with a little boy in the backseat of her car (in an Elementary School parking lot)…WTF
A first down is generally 10 yards
Attention Jim Zorn. A first down is typically 10 yards. That means you want plays that go for 10 yards or more. If it’s 3rd and 5 yards…that means you have to go 5 yards to get a first down. That means….STOP IT WITH THE 2 YARD PLAY ON 3RD AND LONG. I’m tired of this shit. I have two Redskins on my Fantasy team this year so I decided to give them a chance again this year after having a relapse and buying into the “it’s the Skin’s year this year” bullshit. Try throwing the ball down the field you douchebags…WTF
Washing your hands
How hard is it to wash your hands after using the bathroom? I used to think that shit was automatic like breathing but apparently to people at work it’s a foreign concept. These nasty bastards be going from the urinal (or worse, the stall) straight to the door bypassing the sink all together. Would it kill you to at the very least fake it and get your hands wet. Something. Anything…WTF
Driving Tip of the Day
If you are on a two lane highway and you’re in say the right lane and there’s a driver to your left and they put on their turn signal…DO NOT SLOW DOWN OR SLAM ON YOUR BRAKES!!!! You’re going to cause an accident. The person behind you will run into your car. It is the responsibility of the driver beside you to slow down or speed up to get into the next lane…not yours. I almost got into two accidents last week cause the fuckwad (copyright pending on that word) in front of me slammed on their brakes to let a car over. Stop it, it’s not rude to keep going…it’s the law…WTF
Mariah Carey
If Mariah is in fact pregnant with his seed, Nick Cannon will go down as the smartest man to ever live. Think about it. On paper, dude is mediocre at best. He’s like the cool guy working at the back of the Burger King…you know, the one that freestyles and tells jokes during lunch break that always thinks he can make it big…but we all know they aren’t getting any further up then fry duty. That’s who Nick Cannon should be. He should be sporting a Burger King cap and standing behind the counter when one of us decides to “Have it your way”. But he got Dumline and was able to milk that 15 minutes of fame for everything it was worth (Take note Superhead, New York and all the other 15 minute of famers out there). Think about it, what has he done of significance since Drumline other than bang Christian Milian and marry Mariah Carey, the #1 crazy bitch of all time. I have to be honest, I thought he was stupid for doing it but turns out Nick has it all worked out. Marry a Crazy Bitch. Get her pregnant. Get her crazy ass committed for being a psycho. Spend her money. Gotdamn…dude is a genius. He’s turned himself into the male version of Anna Nicole Smith except he married an older HOT chick and he’s not battling a drug and weight problem…yet…WTF
Chris Brown and Rihanna
