A lady friend told me yesterday that three of her friends went on dates in the past week and in all three situations, the guys asked to dine Dutch style. This clearly set off all sorts of alarms in my head which leads to this note.
Call me a male chauvinist, a pig, out dated, conservative or whatever else you can come up with but let us get this out of the way now – I do not believe that in a marriage/relationshp, a man and woman are 50/50. Despite what some people will say, all men aren’t created equal and all women aren’t created equal neither. Let’s toss this 50/50 notion out of the window. So, what exactly is the ratio? I hate numbers because men lie, women lie and numbers lie even more because numbers are interpreted by men and women. But for the sake of pleasing some, I will say that the ratio is 51:49 (M:F) in whatever you think the number represents. We can strive for ‘equality’ everyday but when time gets tough, it is the man’s job to protect and provide for his family.
Fellas, how does this play out in real life?
- When there is a snow storm, it is the our duty to get off our asses and shovel the snow to make sure that the gf/fiancé/wife/kids can have a safe path out of the house. If the lady and kids decide to come out and help, great!!! If not, suck it up and no complaints.
- If it is raining and the umbrellas is too small to cover both of you, we lets the woman take 100% of the umbrella coverage and makes sure she stays dry or we can have her wait inside the restaurant and go bring the car around, no excuses.
- It doesn’t matter how much money she makes or how independent she claims to be, we still open the damn (car) door, pull out her seat or at the very least wait for her to sit down first while on a date. If she does not allow you to open to the door for her, that should be your last date or at least a topic of conversation because it is only a sign of many more struggles to come.
- If there is a need for additional income in the household, who takes the extra job for extra cash……the man.
- e. In the courting process, who pays for the first few dates…..the man! This dutch shit is for the birds and this is not the Netherlands for goodness sake. (I have a strange feeling, even the Dutch don’t do ‘Dutch Dining’)
Some of you really have to stop making excuses for us men. You cannot keep lowering your standards because you are only contributing to the problems that you complain about. You can’t tell me you are miss ‘independent’, want to open your own door or pay for your own meal but come time to shovel snow; your ass wants to have that be the man’s duty.
Another lady friend suggested yesterday that maybe since there aren’t too many men in the dating pool, some women are willing to forego some standards in exchange for male company. If this is the case then may I suggest that you deserve what you get?
Back to dating:
There is a big difference between two friends hanging out and a date. What the activity is probably should be understood by both parties before going out! A lady that I had just met once asked me while out at dinner….’so is this a date or us hanging out?’ I was confused by the question and wondered why she had to ask but she wanted some clarity so she knows who was paying. This started a one hour discussion at dinner about dining etiquette. I respected for at least asking because no one wants to be around someone who doesn’t ask questions when confused.
Who asked who? It doesn’t matter! Ladies, feel free to do the ‘wallet reach’ when the bill comes, some people like to see that but if it is a real date, don’t even do it. If the guy even thinks about suggesting Dutch, that should be the first and last date. Tell him why and then tell him good luck on his next date (with someone else).
How long does he continue to pay for both parties? Until you both feel comfortable enough to discuss it. If you don’t feel comfortable discussing sharing the financial burden of a relationship, then you probably don’t want to start a relationship because that is probably one of the easier conversations to have in a relationship.
I will end with this: Ladies, if you allow a man to skate his way into your life, without earning his way in? He will probably skate while in your life because you set the standard low which gives you very little room to complain.
Disclaimer: Are any of these steadfast rules? Nope, gender roles can always be changed for every given situation as long as both parties openly discuss it and both have a mutual understanding. But we at least need some foundation to start on before we end up been part of the divorce rate statistics.