MEDFORD, Ore. – Keith and Jennifer Lee were driving home on a remote mountain road, their prized Christmas tree strapped to the roof of their all-wheel-drive, when they rounded a backcountry corner and found themselves suddenly mired in snow.

Out of cell phone range, and unaware a search was under way, the couple spent three days and two cold nights before Keith Lee finally freed the Subaru and drove home, the tree still tied on top.

They soon heard new reports on the radio about a search that had begun Wednesday with a helicopter, Sno-Cats and ATVs. They called 911, then phoned a close friend who was taking care of their four children.

“I screamed, ‘They’re safe, they’re coming home,’” said the friend, Sophie Smith. “Everybody just fell and cried.”

Just like thousands of Oregonians each year, the Lees bought a Christmas tree permit from their local national forest office and headed out Tuesday morning to find the perfect tree — a silver-tip fir that only grows at high elevation, just like the one they got a year ago. (Source)

I guess we should all be thankful this couple returned home safe.  But a little piece of me (in the deep dark corners I don’t like to mention) wishes they had died and served as an example to all the other idiots out there.  Seriously folks, this is why Walmart, Target, Lowes, Home Depot, etc sell trees.  That way you don’t have to go all Paul gotdamn Bunyan to hunt for and cut down a tree.  “But Kriss, maybe its tradition.”  Okay, fine.  If you must, go cut down your own tree.  But go out in the back yard or somewhere equally level and cut a tree down.  Don’t drive up to Mount Bumfuck to find some “elusive” silver-tip fir.  Its a gotdamn Christmas Tree.  At most you’ll have it up for 31 days.  It ain’t worth risking your life and spending your last minutes freezing to death in a car stuck in snow.  So far in my Top 3 Ways I DON’T Want to Die:

1.  Stabbed in chest by stingray

2.  On operating table after botched butt implant surgery

3.  Freezing to death after getting stuck in snow after driving up a gotdamn mountain to find a Christmas Tree that I could get for a $100 at Lowes

Seriously folks.  Before doing something, think about how silly it will sound if you die doing it.  Dying from a week long binge of hookers, coke and sex = awesome.  Freezing your nuts off on Mount Bumfuck…not so much.