Fuck Texas.  Yeah, I said it.

Now let me say that I apologize to my friends that are from Texas.  It’s not really your fault that the majority of the residents of Texas are dumb fucknuts.  Over the last few months, particularly the last few days, Texas has been in the news and none of it can be for things I can categorize as “Good.”  Seriously, the things I’ve been reading lead me to think that Al Qaeda might have launched a biological attack in Texas by replacing all the confectionery sugar with Cocaine. It’s the only thing that logically explains what the fuck is going on down there.  Now let me say this.  I’ve been to Texas.  The last time I went was in 2005 for a convention in Houston and I had a great time.  But that’s all I can do….visit.  An extended stay in Texas would mean having to put on with some of the things I’m about to list out and quite frankly, that could only end up 2 ways:  Me killing someone or being locked up for attempted murder.  Here’s what’s got me thinking I’m “Not messing with Texas”:

Governor Rick Perry
They say shit falls from the top and well, it doesn’t get shittier than this fucknut.  I can’t say I’m surprised that Governor Perry appears to have the brain capacity of autistic turtle; Texas did produce George W. Bush.  Not to be out done by our brain dead former President (and former Governor of…you guessed it…Texas), Governor Perry seems to be on the fast track to being a Republican Presidential Candidate at some point. You know the formula:

1. Be an idiot that does douchebag things

2.  Become Governor of Texas

3. ?????

4. PROFIT!!!!…I mean run the country into the ground as President.

Right now Governor Perry is on Step 2.  So what douchebag things has Governor Perry been up to?  Well, I don’t live in Texas so I can only name the things that have gotten National attention (I’m sure if you actually live in Texas, you can name more).  The first thing I can think of (just since the beginning of this year) is that Governor Perry was one of the Republican Governors that was threatening to refuse to take the Stimulus money.  Apparently Texas has no unemployed.  But Perry didn’t stop there.  No, see, in order to be a true Repubican Governor douchebag, you have to stand out from all the other republican douchebags.  You know how Texas does; You gotta do it BIG.  At a “Tax Tea Party” he riled up the crowd by basically suggesting that if “Washington” (As if it’s some foreign government, not made up of his fellow republicans) kept trying to force states to do things maybe Texas could secede from the Union.  I tell you…I give this assclown credit,  Even G Dubbya wasn’t that fucking stupid.  Seriously, if I was President Obama, after hearing that I would have granted Gov. Perry what he wanted.  I would have removed all the property of the United States..i.e. our schools, roads, military bases and equipment, hospitals, etc. and then called up the President of Mexico and said “Hey Calderon, some prime real estate in the south (your north) has become available.  Interested?”

Creationist As Head of Board of Education
In another example of Governor Fucktard’s infinite stupidity, he has appointed a newspaper editor, who is also a Creationist, as the head of the State’s Board of Education.  She’s one of those idiots that think evolution is up for debate.  Let me put this in perspective.  Texas is #51 in the number of people with a High school diploma or higher.  FIFTY ONE.  So his state is already in a hole and instead of putting the shovel down, this idiot calls for a backhoe.  I know Texas isn’t the only state that has this problem but that doesn’t make that right.  But you know what’s really sad?  The other person being considered for the job was even MORE of a nutcase.  She believed there should be a biblical litmus test for Congress AND…and this is the kicker…that President Barack Obama wasn’t born in this country.  And she was being considered to be the head of the state Board of EDUCATION.  Un-fucking-believable.  What’s next?  Putting a polygamist as head of Child Protective Services in Utah?  I know…let’s pardon Bernie Maddof to help get California out of its budget crisis.

Educational Curriculum
And here’s the thing that got me fired up to write this post.  Again, maybe it’s the fact that Rick Perry’s been such a vocal douchebag or that a Creationist was announced as head of the State Board of Education, but the debate over changes to Texas’s curriculum has been brought to my attention. Let me start off by saying I think a ridged curriculum, particularly when it comes to things like Social Studies and History is pretty stupid.  I think there should be loose guidelines on what to cover because quite frankly, there’s so much history out there it’s impossible to cover it all.  If this country had a real progressive system what we would do is when it comes to things like history, the lower grade levels would be more broad with the history they taught and focus more on the fundamentals like math, reading and writing and then allow children to pick which areas they would like to learn more about as they got older.  Honestly, teaching history to a 3^rd grader is pretty pointless.  How about you focus on their reading and writing skills and then let them learn the history when they are old enough to begin to process it?  Anyway, back to the fucknuts in Texas.  Some social conservatives who were picked to review the State’s curriculum have done what most social conservatives do; They invalided any useful critiques they had by adding in some pretty asinine things.  It’s as if they painted a beautiful portrait…then smeared feces on it.  Here are some of the finer points of the reviews (you can view all of them here):

1. For some reason the concept of “Separation of Church and State” eludes these morons as they want there to be more emphasis put on the “role of the Bible and the Christian faith” in the formation of the original 13 colonies.  Honestly…save that shit for where it belongs…Sunday School. I see this for what it is, a back door for sneaking religious teaching into school.  Sure, if this was going to be for purely historical reasons, I believe it is useful.  But we all know that’s not what this is.  Give religious folks an inch and they’ll take a mile.  Or in the case of the Jewish people…an entire country…but that’s another story.  Look, I remember my history from Elementary and Middle School.  We learned that the Pilgrims came here to pursue religious freedom.  I don’t think we need an in depth look into their faith in public schools.  If we do though, let’s make sure we tell the whole story.  Like how Native Americans were slaughtered as savages by Christians because they didn’t know the “Love of Jesus Christ”.
2. I’m all for love of one’s country but some of the reviewers wrote things that make me feel as if they would rather indoctrinate the kids as if they were a member of the Hitler Youth (I know I know, I’m flirting with Godwin’s Law right now but bear with me).  For instance when Peter Marshall states that “Fulfilling these educational mandates in the State of Texas will require the students to learn why America is the greatest country in the world and why they should be proud to be American.”  Again, I don’t think that’s something that needs to be explicitly stated.  Love for one’s country isn’t something that needs to be forced fed or taught to kids. They  should be able to develop that on their own.  What’s next?  Sanitizing all text books to make sure they don’t portray the U.S. in a bad light?  Part of the problem with our leaders now is they are unable to admit or are ignorant to the mistakes the U.S. has made in the past.  The U.S. is a great country but mandating that it be taught that it’s a great country will lead to only the “good” parts being told.
3. Peter Marshall suggests moving “The student is expected to identify economic differences among different regions of the United States” to Geography and that “Explain the reasons for the development of the plantation system, the growth of the slave trade, and the spread of slavery” should be under history and not Economy.  And that my friends is why comprehension is a skill Americans lack.  If you can’t see why those topics should be taught in Economics or at least Economic history, then public education has failed you.  What does Peter Marshall suggest we should teach in economics: “why the American free enterprise system is superior to all other economic systems.”  What the fuck?  We shouldn’t be teaching our kids to start off with a bias.  The effectiveness of the American Free Market system can be inferred to with the right teaching, it doesn’t have to be explicitly stated.  Understanding the economics behind the different regions of the U.S. explains a lot especially in this current economy and the economics behind the American slave trade also plays a part in that.
4. And then there’s my favorite…the parts where they try to talk about which influential people are more important than others.  Again, I think this is ludicrous.  For instance, apparently Thurgood Marshall, first African-American on the Supreme Court, lawyer who argued Brown v. Board of Education…is “not strong enough example in light of the multiplicity of persons who have impacted American History.”  Instead it is suggested Harriet Tubman (who undoubtedly is always talked about anyway) and Sam motherfucking Houston.  Also Amelia Earhart was just “an aviator, and not particularly an example of ‘inventiveness’”. Beautiful.  And apparently it’s “ludicrous” to consider Cesar Chavez as a model of “active participation in the democratic process.”  Apparently being a civil rights activist and co-founding the National Farm Workers Association makes him “hardly the kind of role model that out to be held up to our children as someone worthy of emulation”.  Apparently Neil Armstrong (first man on the moon), John J. Audubon (the man whose work inspires nearly all later ornithology), Clarence Frank Birdseye (founder of the modern frozen food industry) make up a “rather pathetic list” of famous inventors and scientist.  Apparently expanding our children’s knowledge outside of the typical Wright Brohters, Thomas Watson and Henry Ford is a waste of time.  SMH.  Oh and one more example.  “Colin Powell is a weak choice for a group representing those ‘who have made contributions to society in the areas of civil rights, women’s rights, military actions and politics’”.  I took this one to heart because the same reviewer that wrote that also suggested (and rightfully show) that in Geography children be taught to find countries and places that are relative to what’s going in the news.  Honestly, if relevancy is to be a standard, then Colin Powell is more relevant than Harry Truman.  Powell is basically the father of how the U.S. should proceed with military action:
   

   The Powell Doctrine states that a list of questions all have to be answered affirmatively before military action is taken by the United States:

   • Is a vital national security interest threatened?
   • Do we have a clear attainable objective?
   • Have the risks and costs been fully and frankly analyzed?
   • Have all other non-violent policy means been fully exhausted?
   • Is there a plausible exit strategy to avoid endless entanglement?
   • Have the consequences of our action been fully considered?
   • Is the action supported by the American people?
   • Do we have genuine broad international support?

   If that shit isn’t relative to today’s world I don’t know what is.  Powell’s military strategy is also the one most say we should have used in the Iraq War:  Using every resource and tool available to achieve a quick, decisive victory and minimize U.S. Casualties. And we’re just talking about General Powell, not even Secretary of State Powell and the Powell that talks about education.  Yup, what a weak choice.

5. Last and certainly not least (seriously, read over those reviews, this shit is astonishing), we should be teaching our kids that we have a “republic” not a democracy.  Now, I could be convinced this was true if not for the fact that one of the reviewers said that we should be teaching our kids that we have “republican values or a republican process rather than ‘democratic’ values or process”.  Right, as if I can’t see that for what it is; A subtle attempt at subliminally getting children to believe they are republicans.  No shame at all.  Hey, does this mean we can call the Chinese “republicans” since that’s the People’s Republic of China (Look, they even say they are “for” the people)?  And does this mean we were fighting republicans when we waged the Cold War against the Union of Soviet Socialist Republics?  Yeah……I didn’t think so.

So yeah, as I said before….FUCK TEXAS.  Fuck Texas and any other state that does this kind of ignorant ass bullshit.  This only scratched the surface.  If I dug deeper I probably would have had an aneurysm.