"Jay and Beyonce Are Shocked You Fall for This Bullshit"

Jay-Z & The Death of Autotunes
So Jay’s getting ready to drop another album soon.  I can smell it in the air.  A couple weeks ago (maybe longer, I’m a drinker so my days and weeks run together), Jay-Z dropped the song D.O.A. (Death of Autotunes) and everyone immediately hopped in line for the “Ride Jay-Z’s Cock” carnival ride.  Once again Jay-Z has proved that he could wipe his ass with Martin Luther King Jr’s “I Have a Dream” speech and no one would care.  Let’s put it out there.  The song is lackluster at best.  But Jay-Z being the business man he is, knew that and he also knew he could put his “C” game out there and people wouldn’t care.  First off, for those that think this song goes hard…remember who Jay hangs out with.  Kanye is his boy and Kanye’s entire last album was autotunes.  Kanye’s voice was so artificial the album should have come with a warning saying “Artist’s voice has been artificially altered.”  I watched Star Wars this weekend on FX and they put up a warning saying the film was digitally remastered…why the fuck didn’t Kanye’s album have that on it?  I feel that people who bought it should be able to sue for false advertisement.  They wanted Kanye the human not Kanye the gotdamn Autobot.  Then there’s the fact that when Jay-Z performed D.O.A. at Summer Jam, T-mothafuckin-Pain came out and was being his hype man during the performance.  What SHOULD have happened was, Jay should have paused, stopped the music and then said into the mic “Stop dancing you cooning mothafucka…I’M TALKING ABOUT YOU!!!!!  But he didn’t do that.  Why?  Cause D.O.A is only publicity for Jay.  Kanye and T-Pain will probably both be on the album .  If this had been real, Jay would have called no talent having, autotune playing fuckers out in the song.  He had no problem doing that in Takeover and he was going against people that actually had skill.  But he can’t diss T-Pain?  Think about that.  What if T-Pain responded?  He’d basically be committing seppuku cause hearing T-Pain trying to diss someone with that autotuned voice would be self-clowing at its finest.

"Kanye West and his gay posse"

Kanye and Amber, Sitting in a Tree
Seriously, who the fuck is Amber Rose and why the fuck should I care about her?  First off, she’s just the latest “Video Girl” (i.e. hooker/stripper) that Kanye West is paying to make people think he actually likes girls and wants to have sex with them.  Just like with the Drake video (more on him later), he’s overcompensating.  She’s not even that cute.  First off, I’m not a fan of chicks rocking the Sinead O’Connor.  Some can rock it, most can’t.  She can’t.  She looks foreign.  And when I say foreign, I don’t mean like Italian…I mean she looks like she’s from another solar system.  I swear her tan looks like it came from a spray bottle.  It is a match made in heaven though.  She doesn’t look like she likes dudes and Kanye doesn’t like girls.  So they can both perpetrate and help each other out.  If it sounds like I’m hating, its cause I am.  I hate how individuals that shouldn’t be famous or have money, have more money or fame than I ever will.  It gives me the wrong signals.  It makes me feel bad for going to school, getting an education and understanding how to do simple math.  Some people said that Amber Rose might have dyed her hair green in support of the Iran protests.  Yeah…right.  Amber Rose couldn’t find Iran on a map if you blacked every other country out and had the words “IRAN IS HERE” in big bold red letters.  Chris Rock said its every fathers goal to keep his daughter “off the pole” but after seeing what video hoes like Amber Rose can accomplish, I might be buying my daughter a pole set for her 16^th birthday.

Soulja Boy Denounces the Fakeness of the Industry
The most ironic twist in the entertainment industry last week was Soulja Boy’s rant/outburst on Twitter last week condemning the “industry” for stifling his creativity and hindering him from “making music.”  *sigh* Who lead this boy on into thinking he makes music?  I learned about this story from my girl Miss Jia and she has the whole Soulja Boy Twitter rant.  In case that wasn’t clear, Soulja Boy then did a “Global Grind” exclusive blog that further went on to explain his frustrations.  Seriously, I just want 15 minutes with this idiot to explain that HE is part of the problem with the industry today.  The “song”, if you can call it that, that broke him into the industry was the biggest piece of musical garbage I’ve ever heard.  Funniest part of his blog rant?

All I want to do is go back to making music for the love of it.

Funny, that’s what we’ve been waiting for you to do since you came out.  And let me shoot down that “He’s just a kid” excuse.  Mofo is 18.  He was 16 when he did crank that.  If he didn’t know then he had no talent, he damn sure knows now.  He needs to stfu, take his millions and go knowing he got over on the dumbasses that like him.  Seriously, he got lucky.  He’s not the first to use Youtube and the Internet to put his crap out there but some drunk (or high) executive thought it would be funny to see just how far this little nigglet could make it and well, I think its safe to say he’s exceeded expectations.

"Drake Channels His Inner R. Kelly"

Drake Loves da Kids
So Drake has come out and tried to explain his performance at the BET Awards when him and Lil Wayne channeled their inner R. Kelly and had 12 – 13 year old girls on stage as they performed “Every Girl”with the uncensored chorus of “I wish I could fuck every girl in the world.”  Apparently that statement doesn’t come with an id check.  I actually would have watched the BET Awards if Chris Hansen was in the audience while this was going on.  Anyway, in an exclusive interview with Complex Magazine, Drake had this to say about the performance:

That, actually-to be honest-was a terrible idea that I’ll never do to myself again. [Laughs] But I was being pressed from different areas to perform, and I think what really happened at the BET Awards is with the passing of Mike, the climate really changed, as far as the award show goes. I don’t think it called for us to perform “Every Girl” and “Always Strapped,” and I think it was an award show filled with tributes and music and these genuine heartfelt speeches. And to sort of climax out of a very tongue-in-cheek point, and then people misconstruing Wayne’s daughters and her friends coming out on stage…

First off, people didn’t misconstrue you and Wayne having underage girls onstage dancing to “I wanna fuck every girl in the world.”  That’s wrong.  WRONG.  Period.  No questions, no excuses.  They should have kept their asses in the seats.  Secondly Drake, you’re performing with Lil Wayne.  If you were to ask me to put together a list of people that SHOULDN’T perform during a show that’s suppose to give tribute to MJ, especially right before his sister Janet gives an emotional and heartfelt speech, Lil Wayne would be at the very TOP of that list.  You knew what the chorus of the song was.  You didn’t think it prudent to go over to him before the performance…or maybe during the sound checks and practices before…and say “Hey…maybe you shouldn’t be so crude during performance?”  They would have gotten big props if they went out, made a statement that they were going to perform, but due to the death of MJ, instead they asked for a moment of silence and then had the sound people play a few MJ songs.  But no, they were either too selfish or too stupid to think of that.  But what really hurts Drake is this statement by BET:

BET Networks deeply regrets the performance by Young Money at the BET AWARDS ‘09 (featuring Lil Wayne, Drake, Gudda Gudda and Mack Maine). Elements of the performance were unplanned and should not have happened.

We value and appreciate the feedback from our viewers and have edited Young Money’s performance for all BET AWARDS ‘09 encore presentations.

See, what we have here is both sides now pointing the fingers at each other.  What does that tell me?  That both sides were complacent in this shit.  First off, BET should have known better than to have Drake and Lil Wayne perform right before Janet Jackson and Drake (Lil Wayne has enough drugs in his system to fail a drug test for eternity so I expect this dumb shit from his ignorant ass) should have had enough sense to say “No.”  This is why those that say Drake is the future are wrong.  Drake is no different from any of the other new rappers out there.  He saw dollar signs and sold his soul.  Period.

Aretha…Step Away From the Doughnut
I saw Aretha sing the National Anthem on TV while she was at the 4^th of July festivities in DC.  It’s time for a national intervention people.  You know that point when a celebrity no longer can perform anywhere near the level they were and now you feel embarrassed for them when you watch them?  Well, Aretha has not only past that point, she’s starting to lap herself.  Seriously, Aretha is so big now she looked like she ate the three members of the Supremes that no one can name.  First off, during this performance, I watched Aretha walk to the mic and I had to say a little prayer cause I didn’t think she was going to make it that 20 feet or so.  I wasn’t too far of from my thoughts though cause when she started singing, she had to take a couple of breaks in the middle of the song.  To the untrained eye, or those in the audience, they might have thought she was just getting emotional.  No, the bitch was out of breath.  I actually think the way they get her to finish a song is, off camera but in front of her, they put up a picture of 2 Whoppers, a large fry and an entire cheese cake.  Seriously, milk from Aretha’s left titty could end world hunger. Time for her to hang it up. Get her a spot on “Biggest Loser” or something.

Ron Artest…WTF?
The Lakers signing Ron Artest is like President Obama asking Sarah Palin if she wants to be in his cabinet.  Really?  I mean, I know that the Cavaliers signed Shaq and now the Lakers feel the need to step their game up…but wtf?  They should have signed Trevor Ariza again.  Shit, give him his pay raise.  The Lakers will spend the amount of Ariza’s salary increase on 1 year of Artest’s therapy and bail money alone.  Kobe and Artest in the backcourt together?  Come on?  Kobe must have been still drunk celebrating from his new championship ring when this was announced.  The Laker front office distracted him with some white chick or something….

If you need any evidence that Ron Artest is going to be problems for the Lakers (besides the fact that his shorts are always too small)…just listen to this fool’s MJ Tribute:

Ron Artest’s MJ tribute is a cross between Blues and Country with Ma$e-like “balls in mouth while rapping” vocals.  This Ron Artest Tribute is worse than the entire BET Awards with their shitty attempts at MJ tributes.  SMH

Lauren London…Just Another Dumb Bitch
There’s not much to say about this.  If you’re that much of a dumb bitch to let Lil Wayne, the human STD factory, bust up in you without a condom…you should have your child taken from you upon birth by Child Protective Services.  For her sake I hope the child looks like her and not like the muskrat that Lil Wayne looks like.  SMH at these dumb bitches.  Whatever happened to wanting to have a child by a doctor, lawyer or someone with an actual IQ.

Coonery in the Louisiana State Legistlature
I know many have already commented on this embarrassment but I just had to say that THIS is why our States are facing deficits and why nothing gets done. We have political figures that think its a good idea to invite a no talent having fool like Hurricane Chris to perform a mind numbingly stupid song in front of them. I know they say that we get to “fire” politicians in elections, but when they show such stupid decision making we should be able to fire them right there on the spot.  They should be focusing on something serious, like figuring out why 4 years later they still have people who are living in trailers from Katrina.  And I know those levies probably still can’t withstand a strong rain storm, much less a real hurricane.  Sad day in America.