Listen, I know a lot of women are Beyonce Stans.  I understand that.  But even though she makes good music (in your opinion) and has the confidence of a poker player hold a Royal Flush, even the most hardened Beyonce Stan has to admit that she has the brain capacity of a retarded slug.  Yeah, you might love the sound of her voice, but whenever she tries to speak in an intelligent manner, the sound of cars coming to a screeching halt and crashing enters my mind.  Beyonce talks like the dog ate not only her homework but her brain. Not sexy.  I guess when I think about it that way, Beyonce can’t really be held responsible for her dumb ass actions.  Its like that “special kid” who sits in the back of the class room and is really good with math, but shits on himself every once in a while (substitute music for math with Beyonce).

Anyway, because I didn’t support and watch the BET Awards, I didn’t see first hand the multitude of tragedies that occurred.  I’m slowly getting caught up as people post the idiocies online.  That’s when I saw the picture of the outfit Beyonce wore while performing “Ave Maria”.  Seriously…what the fuck is this bitch wearing?  Maybe its just me but something seems fundamentally wrong about flashing camel toe while singing Ave Maria.  As someone who honestly can’t stand Beyonce, as a heterosexual man, even I have to admit I love the eye candy I get when I look at her.  However, I can’t even look at that picture for more than 5 seconds without feeling like God is going to send an angel down to smite me.  Contrary to popular belief, there’s really like 15 – 20 Commandments.  Due to a writer’s strike though, only 10 made it to the final Bible.  One of the ones that didn’t make it was: Thou Shall Not Perform Ave Maria With Your Coochie Hanging Out Giving Autographs for the Front Row.  Besides the fact that she was apparently giving out passes to the Beyonce Camel Toe Petting Zoo, there’s the fact that the outfit itself looks like its hot garbage.  Its like when you wanted an authentic Teenange Mutant Ninja Turtle or Barbie outfit for Halloween but your mom went and got that plastic and paper bullshit from the Halloween aisle in CVS (Back when it was called Peoples).  One of my Twitter friends explained it as “pipe cleaner and chiffon”.  Seriously, Beyonce right now reminds me of one of those Madden ‘96 players that would win every game by picking the Dallas Cowboys and running a halfback toss to the left with Emmitt Smith EVERY SINGLE PLAY.  She’s become that one dimensional.  Everything’s about showing and shaking ass to her.  Bitch switch it up.  You can be classy and your Stans will still love you.  As my girl says “You’re married now.  Cover that shit up.”

I guess I shouldn’t be too shocked.  Shit is apparently running in the family.  Her sister Solange performed at San Fran’s LGBT Pride parade.  I swear, if I didn’t know she had a kid I’d think she was a man.