*Update* I keep getting more comments on here claiming this is the typical male bashing writing blaming everything on women. Truth is, I’ve written similar shit about men. Not surprisingly, virtually no one has complained about that.
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I hear a lot of women talking about how “There are no good men”. Well quite frankly I’m tired of hearing that. Its time for a reality check. See when a woman goes to a pastor, family members or a best friend (usually some other bitter bitch) for relationship advice, she’s given advice that is meant to comfort her and not give her the truth. Getting advice from one of those aforementioned people is pretty useless because they are giving advice that is meant to make a woman feel better about herself and not give her what she actually needs to hear. This is especially true when a woman listens to her girlfriends who themselves are manless, are dating a loser and/or are whores. It’s like the blind leading the blind…over a cliff and into a meat grinder. The truth hurts and no one wants to give advice out that might make someone feel even shittier than they already do. I, however, have no qualms about doing that. Ladies, the reason you can’t find/keep a good man is because YOU are the problem. It’s that simple. Women almost never accept responsibility for their own fuckups when it comes to relationships and even when they attempt to, it’s usually just some scapegoat way of blaming the dude i.e. “I was stupid for thinking that he was a good dude”. Let’s see. You’re approaching 30, you’ve been in and out of relationships, every time you think you meet a good guy it falls apart…seriously, at what point do you stop blaming it on men and start doing some self examination? The real common denominator in your failures is you.
Now let me explain why you can’t keep a man. It’s actually very simple. You can’t keep a man because you don’t try to keep a man. First off, women have started to believe this myth that they are somehow simple to please whereas men are complicated. It’s the opposite. When it comes to relationships, women can’t even figure out for themselves what they want and they want men to be overnight experts. Men on the other hand are very simple creatures. A relationship to us is a simple cost benefit analysis: Does our time and money bring us a reasonable set of benefits? Women don’t seem to be aware of the sacrifices men make to try to please them. Let me break down the money and time parts for you:
Money
I’m convinced women don’t know, don’t appreciate or don’t care how much money a man typically burns on trying to keep them happy. Let’s break down with some very conservative and basic numbers. Let’s say a man takes a woman out once a week for dinner and a movie. A dinner at a decent restaurant (Non-chain) is going to run you about $50 – $60. That doesn’t include any alcoholic beverages. Including drinks and tip, you’re looking at about $70 – $80. Movie tickets for two will run you $20 and add an extra $5 – $10 if there are snacks involved. You’re looking at about $70 – $100 a week, $280 – $400 a month. That’s $1120 – $1200 every 3 months. That’s a damn mortgage payment. And that’s just dinner and a movie once a week. That doesn’t include birthdays, Christmas, Valentines Day, anniversaries, etc. Now I know the typical woman response is “But I spend about that much for clothes, hair and other things I do for you.” Bullshit. This isn’t like doing your taxes. You can’t write off your everyday, normal expenses. Its not even in the same ballpark.
Time
Our entire lives, men are raised to be keepers of their own time. As little boys we are in essence raised to take care of ourselves and do what we want with our time. Being in a relationship means a lot of sacrificing of that freedom. We have to sit on the phone and talk about how fucked up your day was. We have to deal with the bullshit drama that you get yourself into when you hang out with bitches that aren’t really your friends but you’re either too stupid to see it or completely unwilling to change it (Yet we have to hear you bitch about our friends). Even when we stay in and you come over, we have to deal with you sitting there interrupting and disturbing our “fortress of solitude” by asking questions and wanting to “talk” while the game is on. But we deal with it. No, we don’t enjoy talking to you for hours on end. Yeah, we might tell you we do, but we don’t. See, when we hang out with our boys and bitch about things, if we’re told “Damn dude, that was fucking stupid, don’t do that”, we don’t cry about that being too harsh, we take the advice. However in a relationship with women, we have to hear you bitch about stupid shit going on with you and then watch as you refuse to take our advice. Then 2 weeks later we’re right back where we started and have to listen to the bullshit over again. It’s a complete waste of our time but we know we have to do it so we suck it up and deal with it.
So this is typically what happens. A woman meets a nice guy; they hit it off and start dating. It starts off wonderful. They talk for hours on the phone, he takes her out and things really seem to be meshing. Then after about 3 – 4 months, things start to change. They don’t go out as much, he spends more time with his boys/watching the game/playing Xbox, they don’t talk as much and he feels more distant. After about 6 months there’s a noticeable change and things fall apart and a woman is left wondering “What the hell happened?” What happened was the guy did a cost-benefit analysis and the results weren’t in your favor. A man has put in his time and his money and he’s looked into what exactly he’s getting back from it and the answer was “Not much.” This always happens. Talk to any woman and she’ll say “Things started off great but after a few months he changed.” Look, he didn’t change…he got bored.
Relationships are like hourglass sand timers. If you don’t switch things up, the sand will run out and it’ll be over. Let’s be frank, the only benefit most women are providing to a man is a steady supply of sex and that’s not going to cut it in the long run. Sex has a 3 month shelf life before it becomes just another thing to do. Women have fallen into this mindset that all a man needs to be happy is good sex. *sigh* Please. That might get you in the door, but you’ll be quickly ushered out if that’s all you’re bringing to the table. First and foremost, your pussy devalues over time much like the way a new car depreciates in value the moment you drive it off the lot. Also, much like a car, newer models come out all the time and your pussy is replaceable. There’s nothing a woman can do to stop this. Sure you can switch things up in the bedroom and make things more “exciting” but all that does is postpone the inevitable. So, in order to keep your man you need more than just sex. Any woman can provide a man with sex, what you want is something that you can provide that most woman can’t or won’t. Again, men are simple creatures; we don’t need or ask for much:
Cook - The new trend with women these days seems to be that a lot of them either can’t cook or they don’t cook for their man. The saying “The way to a man’s heart is through is stomach” is one of the few sayings that is actually true. Cooking is such a basic survival skill I’m baffled by ANYONE who says they can’t cook. It’s not rocket science here people. If you can put together a banging ass meal at least 2 times a month, I’m telling you…your man isn’t leaving you.
Cater to him – When you had a rough day we’re expected to rub your feet, get you dinner and generally sit around and listen through your bitch fest. Is it too much to ask that when we come home from a hard day and have a headache that you come over and take care of us? I’m not saying this has to be a one-to-one thing, but every once in a while it makes a man feel good to be able to come relax and not have to worry about anything because his girl is going to take care of him. Think about it. Women always have a laundry list of things their man should be doing for them…but how many of them can truly list things they do to take care of their man (That don’t involve sex).
Learn about his hobby and engage in it with him – If your man loves football, learn about football. That doesn’t mean asking him to teach you about it or asking 50 million questions in the middle of the game. Go to the library or Google or your father/uncles/brothers and learn from them. You don’t have to love it or even like it but you have to pretend. Hell, we do it all the time with you. We don’t like shopping with you, dealing with your emotional outbursts or half the shit we do with you…but we pretend. A little reciprocity would be nice. Learning from someone else other than him shows that you care. We have to show we care about things you do all the time so it only makes sense that you return the favor. Trust me, you show some form of interest in what he is doing and it’ll be easier to get him to take a break from it.
Hit the gym - It might seem trivial but the truth is your looks matter. As a matter of fact, any man that says he doesn’t care about his woman’s looks needs to have his sexuality checked. Men want the trophy wife/girlfriend. If your man is going to the gym and working out and you’re not, just go ahead and start preparing yourself for the break up. Look, your bullshit tofu-only diet might make you drop some weight but its not getting you in shape. When your man goes to the gym, he sees women that are either working out with their man or just working out for themselves. Immediately he thinks “why doesn’t my girl do that?” All it takes is one friendly conversation with a single lady who is working out at the gym for your man to start thinking “Damn, why am I not sleeping with this chick?” Beside that it also shows that you actually care about your own health. A woman that is working out now is more likely to keep that up after she’s pumped out some kids. That’s a huge plus to a man.
There’s a recurring theme with the things I mentioned. If you don’t cook or cater to your man or hit the gym, some other woman will. Men attract the most women when they are in a relationship. Other women are gunning for your man and if you aren’t bringing anything to the table you will lose him. It’s a myth that men are afraid of commitment. Most men don’t mind commitment when it comes to a woman that handles her business. Men are just overly cautious about commitment because the whole purpose of being in a relationship with a woman is to eventually get married. So if a woman isn’t really bringing much to the table now, why the hell would he want to commit long term to that? We recognize and appreciate women who hold it down. All men have that one friend that is deeply committed to his great girlfriend/wife. We clown him excessively for being whipped but we would NEVER try to get him to break up with her because we all know she’s good for him. When we come over to watch the game, she’s there wearing a jersey, cooking food and handing out beers. Or she can kick his ass in Halo 3 and in essence makes all her man’s friends jealous that he has such a great woman while their girl is bringing nothing. Why does she do that? Because she knows if she doesn’t do it, some other woman will be.
Now I’m sure some woman will hit back with “Oh there’s things yall need to do too” and that’s true. However, there’s two things with that. First off, some women have a knack for dealing with men they know they shouldn’t. If you’re going for the “thug type” then don’t bitch when shit doesn’t work out. You know when a man isn’t a good match for you, but you convince yourself that you can change him. Let me be very clear with this: You Can’t!!! Stop wasting your time and trying. Secondly, while good men out there do need to stay up on their game, the numbers work way better in our favor. There are more women than men so if a man fucks up with a good woman, he still has a good chance of finding another good woman. I’m not condoning a man’s fuck ups, I’m just acknowledging that the field is much smaller for women. Due to this women have to make themselves irreplaceable. Most women have dated good guys but it doesn’t work out because they don’t put in work into it (Or they dated someone they knew they shouldn’t have…which is another topic). You can’t have a list of criteria of what a man should do and then expect the only thing you have to do is give up the vajayjay. You’ve been trying that way for a minute and it hasn’t work. Don’t you think its about time to switch it up?
April 13th, 2009 at 3:45 pm
WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
A NUCLEAR BOMB JUST WENT OFF!!!…….THIS IS LIKE THE HOLY GRAIL!!!
No BULLSHIT!!!…..I’ve been trying to get this point across for some time now….Men just nee food, sex, entertainment, and a peace of mind…..that is all.
When it all sums up….Men just need a woman that’s gonna be a best friend for the rest of their lives…going to the gym,…playing ball…playing video games……jeez!!!…..is it that Fricken hard?!?!?
April 13th, 2009 at 4:03 pm
I am cosigning all you just said, this is like a blog I wrote a few years ago but in more detail
April 13th, 2009 at 4:06 pm
Yeah man, every man has written or said basically what I wrote. It’s not like we’re keeping the shit a secret…lol
Yet women still won’t get it.
April 13th, 2009 at 4:13 pm
Amen on this post. But on top of all the things Kriss listed, a little bit of “shut the fuck up” can also help a relationship flourish. Example 1: when I come home from a long day of work, the 1st thing that I DONT want to hear is nagging/complaining about trivial things (because we all know that most of the things women fuss at men over ARE trivial). Example 2: Man and women get in arguement. Man realizes arguement is stupid and stops talking. Please dont be that woman who has to have the last word and goes on some long-ass tirade about some stupid shit. Example 3: man and woman go on date. Man gets bored because woman monopolizes conversation and only refers to herself. While we do care about getting to know you, spread that shit out over several dates. I shouldnt be reminded of “The Never-ending Story” when I reflect on the 1st date. Women, if you find that you have contributed to more than 50% of a conversation/arguement, please take the time to shut the fuck up!
April 13th, 2009 at 4:17 pm
A cup of STFU every now and then never hurt anyone…
April 13th, 2009 at 4:19 pm
okay i completely agree with old boy saying that you have to bring something to the table or its just a waste of both people’s times really and one person’s feelings. But why is it that everytime a dude calls himself keeping it real and telling it like it is, they end up sounding bitter to me because they wasted their time with chicks who werent interesting nor doing anything for themselves. Like for real i know some cry baby dudes that’s always complaining about something or better yet just dont have it together i.e. bad credit, the inability to pay their bills on time, don’t have a place to live, just basics for themselves, child support payments like seriously,the things i just mentioned are far more important to me than you fronting for a few weeks trying to take me to dinner and a movie to impress me and you dont even have the basics in your life taken care of. And I know a lot of woman who essentially stay with or marry a man because they love him so they have to carry the burdens where their partner just cant get their stuff together. And although men are under the impression that they were taught to take care of themselves, often they have a very skewed interpretation of what being able to take care of themselves really means. And no it doesnt take a genius to know how to cook but I dont think that all woman are good cooks, plain and simple. In some respects I thought my father was a better cook than my mother on certain dishes and I dont think there is anything wrong with that. So in saying a woman should be able to throw down twice a month what do you do if this chick is just a bad cook because people like that do exist? I dont know, I just think that some people are meant to be in relationships and others not because I just dont think people especially black people are in the business of keeping one another anymore. So although this may be insightful, I am not convinced that the woman who may read this and say they are going to do it they wont and guys will just say oh thats the reason woman can’t keep a man when they can’t even keep themselves or their affairs in order.
April 13th, 2009 at 4:29 pm
Z, I kinda address that at the end but it really needs to be its own post. If a man doesn’t have himself together then you shouldn’t be dealing with him…period. Seriously, as a professional woman why do you need to deal with a man that is still trying to get his life together? If he doesn’t have his life together, he can’t try to build one with you. Before you build together, each of you have to be already pass building your own lives.
April 13th, 2009 at 4:38 pm
This article doesnt speak to women who keep finding guys that cant take care of themselves. If you keep dating/going after guys like that, then you’re bound to never find yourself in a relationship, unless you find a hapless man attractive. This article speaks to those women who dont find success in relationships time after time, but refuse to look within themselves to see if they need self-improvement. Most women grow up being “daddy’s lil princess” so when they become adults, they have this sense of perfection because their father’s basically fed them this crap. While this aspect of raising daughters is important for self-esteem, we need to realize that the rest of the men in the world dont look at women the same way their fathers do. We see all the faults that unconditional love blinded your dads to. Not to say that we men dont have faults, because we do. But we (the good men) do WAY more than our fair share to make women look past our faults to see our potential. So a woman doesnt know how to cook. So what? Its the thought that matters. Plus, a good man will help his woman learn how to become a decent cook. If he doesnt know how to cook himself, he will buy cookbooks, etc. Everyone has the potential to be in a relationship. The difference between those that arent and those that are is their mindset before the start of the relationship (especially during dating) and the effort put in by both parties.
April 13th, 2009 at 5:16 pm
For all the educated ppl out here who can speak more than one language, can we start a running list of all the different ways we can say ‘Amen’ in a different language?
Thx
April 13th, 2009 at 5:22 pm
Just a thought guys, the pool gets bigger when women ‘keep an open mind’ and start to date outside their race…don’t get it twisted!
Guys who have kids from other women and still want to act like they have decent options, are just delusional(possibly one of you above).
Sorry to disappoint you but times are truly changing!!!
No classy girl in the year 2009 onwards, who has preserved herself (refuses to have kids outside marriage), got a good job,takes pride in her appearance (gym, yoga or dieting)and has her own car and house, can ever contemplate trying to please a man of a lesser standard.
Let’s face it there are many of you expecting to be treated like kings but have nothing but baggage to offer.
Let’s put this simply…
STOP trying to move in with us so that you can get quality sex and hot meals on the sly..do the decent thing and ‘PUT A RING ON IT’, then you have EVERY right to be treated the way you would expect a WIFE to treat her HUSBAND.
One thing you men MUST learn is the difference between an ordinary boyfriend, partner, boo etc is that you are NOT A HUSBAND!!!
That title and treatment that goes with it, is reserved for the very, very special!!!
Please learn from this xxx
April 13th, 2009 at 5:24 pm
Point blank this is the truth…a lot of women cant handle it because they either think:
1. This doesnt apply to me cause I’m the super dooper great girlfriend with a platinum vagina…
or
2. He just doesn’t know where to look and he’s just attracting all the hoodrats…
Basically number 1 is the dumb broad who thinks that she’s on top of her game 24/7 and thinks that she always ends everything with a (in a deep voice) “Flawless Victory” (if you’re a woman and you know where that’s from you have some of the characteristics that us men look for).
Number 2 is the dumbass broad who complains about everything and anything regardless of how fucking stupid she looks and will deflect any argument away since her dumbass knows she has nothing substantial to say.
Let’s face it, this isn’t a Man Vs Woman thing it’s a Man Vs Dramatic Dumbass issue. As was stated in the post, we are very simple creatures. The simplest things keep us happy; food, the occasional backrub, beer, sports, and video games (notice I didn’t mention sex; we can get that anywhere). If you’re damn near 30 and you haven’t had a relationship to last more than 6 months it’s YOU… either you’re looking in all the wrong places or dudes are just getting tired of you. It’s great to have a woman that’s good in bed but let’s face it, sex gets over-rated quickly and honestly after a while it becomes a chore. We find ourselves only getting it when you want it and when we hold back from giving you some you get mad and call your dumbest, ugliest, most retarded, bitchiest friend (who’s longest relationship has been 2 weeks) to talk about boyfriends and put us on blast.
So you ask yourself “hmmmm I guess I’m being a dumbass, so how Mr Sanchez do I change so that I can keep a man?!?”
You definitely don’t do the following:
1. When shopping, don’t ask us to hold your fucking purse while you look for clothes that YOU know are either too expensive, too damn small or too big for your ass. If we wanted to hold a purse we probably would be hanging out with Kanye West’s circle of friends. As you try on 53 pairs of jeans in various sizes because each cut is “sized” differently, take your fucking purse in the damn dressing room with you. Do NOT make us hold it while we wait for you as you try on those 53 pairs of jeans knowing damn well you’ll only take ONE of them to the register and decide “oh I don’t it…” when the cashier tells you that the 25% off sign was for the shirts next to those jeans…
2. Don’t ask us if an article of clothing makes you look fat. Because any answer is going to upset you and turn your world upside down. Asking me this question will probably get you the answer “Yes dear God, get your ass on that AbLounge that you begged me to buy you…” If you’re questioning if something might make you look fat, first ask yourself “when’s the last time I tried these on?” then ask yourself “when’s the last time I was on a treadmill??” There you go you got your answer…
3. Don’t take something we say out of context. Again Men are simple creatures we say what we mean and mean what we say. If you don’t know what I mean by this watch that damn Cheerios commercial where the dude and his wife are talking over a bowl of Cheerios and he says “oh yea that’s low in fat”. That statement turned into that dumbass wife of his thinking he thinks she needs to lose weight. If you hear us say that something is funny that doesnt mean everything else around it is funny/funny looking/retarded/whatever.
4. Don’t say or think that the joy we find in watching sports is stupid. If March Madness is on, dont ask us to change the channel so you can watch Desperate Housewives or reruns of Flavor of Love 3 or some shit on the Lifetime Channel. Find yourself in the other room and watch it there.
5. Don’t say or think that the joy we find in playing video games is stupid. If I’m playing Street Fighter IV or Resident Evil and all you can say is “you can play video games anytime…” you wanna know who you are right now? you’re definitely not my girlfriend, you’re sounding like that one mother in the neighborhood who yelled at all the kids even if they weren’t hers, YES that FAT OLD BITTER MOM dressed in a fucking MOO-MOO yelling out the window telling her kids to “bring y’all asses inside”. Video games are a stress reliever, they teach good hand eye coordination, they allow us to concentrate on something outside of reality and keep us from listening to your fucking ass bitch and whine all day. And sometimes you might wonder “why doesn’t he pay attention to me like he does with the PS3 or the Xbox360?!?!?” the answer to that is our Xbox360 and PS3 shut the fuck up when we want it to…
Consider these your first five simple rules in to keeping a man… I’d post more but I think I’ll have to keep it to myself until Kriss and I get a book deal…
ManeezySanchez
April 13th, 2009 at 5:24 pm
Again…why are you even with a man of a lesser standard? That’s your first problem. I can see I need to do another post already…
April 13th, 2009 at 5:29 pm
I’m a woman, and I agree wholeheartedly. All of those books (He’s just not that into you, the Steve Harvey text, etc.) skirt around the issue: We either don’t do the right things at all, or we do the right things for the wrong people. Preach.
April 13th, 2009 at 5:54 pm
I haaaaaaad to co-sign this blog….even endorse it….especially since women co-sign eery blog and magazine that bashes males.
But really tho….you really don’t think men voice these things to women?
Men leave for various reasons…this one just refers to the aspect of dating…. Read More
Men have been saying this for DECADES…when we talk about food or cleaning….women say “oh, you just want a slave in the house”
When we talk about wanting sex…women say “is that all your with me for?…that’s so shallow…think with your other brain”
When we talk about watching the game or needing peace of mind or to just be relaxed….women say “oh,…so are you telling me that you need some space?”
When we say that we would like you to ALSO invest in dinner/movie on the third night out …women say “oh…your so cheap”
etc…etc…etc..
Its like a lose-lose…men have been voicing these things for way to long…simple things!
But quite simply, women don’t want to listen…so welcome to MAN 2009.
April 13th, 2009 at 5:54 pm
Gabrielle has not really made any point but only pointed towards the fact that some women have a knack for dating men who either have no self-respect and would rather move in with their woman or they just enjoy dating losers. I can cook my own meals, do my laundry and take care of my bills without any baggage but like the OP said in his article, it would be nice to have your partner do this for you like 2ce a month. No decent and responsible man who knows that marriage is a life-long committment would put a ring on it without getting treated like a king! My woman wouldn’t have gotten a ring if she didn’t show me she had more to offer than just a good time in the bedroom. Just like the OP said, sex just becomes a routine after a couple of months and if you don’t have anything else to offer then you are back to just being some stats!
Most times you ladies can smell a loser a mile away but you choose to stay with him because he’s probably good in bed and gangsta, then you come up later to say he hurt you??? Oh please, you saw it coming but decided to ignore it and it bit you in the ass! When a man decides to move in with you and you have been dating just a couple of months when you both are not married, then you have to take a step back and be sincere with yourself if he’s really worth keeping around. Think with your head sometimes, it reallyyyyyyyyyy helps!
April 13th, 2009 at 7:40 pm
April 13th, 2009 at 7:51 pm
This is one truth most women find difficult to believe!!
April 13th, 2009 at 8:10 pm
Thank you Gabrielle for the being the first to satisfy my expecation of this post. Whenever a guy comes out and says what he would like for a woman to do better……some women try to turn it around by REfocusing on what the guy was doing wrong in the first place.
This is not a court of law and the ultimate goal is not to alleviate one’s self of responsibility. As a man, I know my faults and I know not to expect to be treated as husband material if I am not acting as such. Even if a guy was doing that….that does not negate the fact that she might be wrong in some of her ways as well. It is not a Win-Lose situation.
If your first reaction to the post is not….let me see if ANY of these apply to me (not all, JUST ONE)…but is oh guys fuck up too….then you are part of the problem and you are that same woman that give your friends the wrong advise.
April 13th, 2009 at 9:49 pm
If I met you guys you might seem like nice, intelligent men, but after reading this blog I would never be interested in any of you. It is a turn off to see all this complaining from a “grown” man.
April 13th, 2009 at 9:53 pm
lol. Okay. Although no one is really complaining, we’re just stating what the truth is. This actually comes from you women complaining about not being able to find a good man. It’s that complaining from “grown” women that is also a turn off.
April 13th, 2009 at 10:47 pm
LADIES….IT’S TIME TO WAKE UP!!!!!!!!! like main man said, we are very simple creatures…as easily you peak our interest, we easily can become bored or tired of you…..i mean if big momma could do it cant yall????
April 13th, 2009 at 10:53 pm
The sad reality of it is that almost everything you’ve said is true. A real lady ( like myself) can acknowledge that.
April 13th, 2009 at 11:29 pm
You know what I think happens? I think a lot of times women put a whole lot of time and energy into the wrong people and when the right guy does come along they’re not willing to do a lot of the things they used to do. Sad, but true. A co-sign this article.
April 13th, 2009 at 11:32 pm
I agree…that’s Part II “Dropping the losers”
April 14th, 2009 at 2:20 am
“First off, some women have a knack for dealing with men they know they shouldn’t. If you’re going for the “thug type” then don’t bitch when shit doesn’t work out.” Too true…if you cant do the time, stay away from the loser with the crimes ladies!!
April 14th, 2009 at 3:24 am
Hilarious…but far from reality. a lil too bitter. tho ive got my own reservation about certain kind of females
April 14th, 2009 at 11:46 am
You know, there are just some high-maintenance women out there that do not know how to deal with “nice guys” but then complain about guys being douchebags. These are the girls that habitually date assholes who treat them like shit, but who always put in “just enough” for her to hold on (“He forgot my birthday, but he was sooooo sweet two weeks later when he brought me flowers”). Then they have something to always complain about too. I am fully convinced that there are just some people (guys and girls alike) that need constant attention and having something to complain about is a shoe-in for getting attention from friends/co-workers/family members as you complain about your relationship troubles. While this piece is meant to be enlightening, just pointing out that there are going to be some “un-curable” folks out there.
April 14th, 2009 at 1:03 pm
One other thing to add….I have had one too many of these conversations with friends in the past and have often gotten the ‘WTF do you know look’ because I haven’t been in a seriously commited relationship in a while.
Actually makes no sense to me when a colleague in the same age range who is actually in a commited relationship tries to give me advise or tell me that I can’t possibly have anything to say when this same colleague is being cheated on by their significant other or is the one cheating.
I only want advise from ‘experts’ who are 99% certain that they aren’t being cheated on (physically or emotionally), aren’t cheating themselves and are indeed involved in happy relationships.
The next friend of mine that is having problems of their own that try to look at me wrong for remaining single might not like what I say to them lol.
April 16th, 2009 at 1:54 am
This is an interesting blog. The point the moderator is making to women is clear, but some will try to screw it. Women whose relationships are failing, should really do a reality check on themselves. Well that goes for guys too. However, my point is that when someone critizes you, you should take the time to think of the critizism; try to apply some of the suggested remedies, to help you better your relationship situation. Men are naturally one way, and women are naturally the other, so a compromise is a key element for harmony; therefore, when your boyfriend complains listen because men are normally not complainers, we learn to hate it because of our mothers. Commit to improving and reviewing your progress through action and communication. even if you do not end up marrying him, its a great skill to learn when you meet the right one. So please women, do not think that men are bitter or loosers when they complain about you. we are trying to make it easy for you by telling you the things we would want to deal with when we marry you—-longterm, if you just listen and meet us at a decent distance with these conditions, life would be very exciting ; having money, cars, a high profile job, or pretty look are not always the prerequisites. The key is to make the other person special, so you should compromise, some call it fake it. Real Success is not measured in dollars and cents, but in happiness and the pursuit of happiness.And if he is happy then you gone be happy. If he is pissy, he will get you pissy. Alright, am talking way too much today..till next time…to be continued by your boy Eazee the weezy …
April 24th, 2009 at 1:22 pm
This has got to be one of the least intelligent, incoherent, rambling, pointless & just plain inaccurate summaries of relationships & what women want/need. Leave it to an uneducated, unobservant & clearly ignorant man to come up with this wholly ridiculous & unoriginal perception of women & relationships.
The truth is, it’s not that women need to change or adhere to some behavioral standard to satisfy their men, it’s that dumb guys like you think these behaviors are somehow incorporated into the very essence of what it means to be a woman. In all honesty, I am a smart, educated, successful, highly attractive & desired woman- & I have plenty of female friends whom are exactly the same. Should you, or any of your similarly unworthy friends, have the privilege of dating a smart mature woman such as myself, then all of these qualms you’ve expressed would inevitably be put to ease. However, in that instance, your girlfriend would surely be totally unsatisfied because you are so clearly beneath her own caliber. The point is, you attract stupid women & end up in these immature relationships because you yourself are stupid & immature. Instead of blaming the entire female population for your problems with dumb girls, why not just try to smarten up yourself & attract a higher quality mate.
The problem is you, not women. Grow up.
April 25th, 2009 at 3:41 am
SmartMianiLawyerGirl – There’s a reason why you and your friends are single…you can’t take a look at yourselves and see your own flaws. If you took a minute you would see that I’ve also called out men as well…but of course, you can’t see that. It’s never your fault…always someone elses…which is why you are single
April 30th, 2009 at 8:27 am
even the comments are more enlightening…
Apparently, the SmartMiamiLawyerGirl could only come up with a post that totally contradicts the name.
April 30th, 2009 at 12:27 pm
WORD! im a lady i realised im really guilty abot the time issue, i used to say my bf’s love for football is crazy and he needs help,i realise that’s one of the other reasons why i lost him.i will definitely try not to make such mistake.Ladies!, stop listennng to bitches around you,they probably jealous of the good thing you have and just want u to end up like them, A WORD IS ENOUGH FOR THE WISE. but i disagree on the pastor’s advice issue,we all know that these days there are alot of pastor who are not true christain left alone pastors,as predicted by our Lord Jesus Christ already, but if you have a good pastor who is a true christain then he will tell you the truth even if it hurt!
June 11th, 2009 at 5:08 pm
Simply put…this is the truth. Women (I am a woman, a phenomenal one at that) need to hear this. When real women tell the simple ones this same stuff, they get called a bitch. When a man says it, he’s an ass. But, whatever you simple chicks think, this is the truth. Plain and simple. Let it sink in and adjust accordingly.
June 19th, 2009 at 11:31 pm
long story short..keep his stomach full and his nuts empty..real simple ladies *wink*
July 1st, 2009 at 4:54 am
I’m a woman and I couldn’t agree more – about the point made in the blog and about many women, myself included, needing to hear this. OK, so it was a rant…but sometimes, that’s what’s needed to get people to sit up and take notice. So what if there are some loosers out there who don’t deserve our cooking and other efforts? We’re talking about good men who have their lives together – that’s what a woman actually wants, after all. Although I love cooking for my man and giving him a good rub, I’ve been guilty of some of the other stuff mentioned in the piece – and it’s good to have it pointed out by a man. After all, I want my man to be receptive and open to my needs – it’s only fair I should be receptive and open to his, and try and understand why he has those needs in the first place. It’s taken me a while to “get” this, though. Wish I’d learnt it sooner.
July 14th, 2009 at 1:59 am
I’m a woman, and I also agree with most of what you said. Then again, I haven’t ever had a problem keeping a man, and I’m married to the best damn man in the universe (no offense intended to you all, I’m sure–someday your wives will say the same thing about you, I hope). In one of my mom’s old cookbooks that she passed down to me, it says something like, “If you want to please a man, bake him a pie.” Well, I took those words to heart, and I’m a very good cook, and I love to cook for men.
My husband was laughing the other day because I saw some bitch on TV complaining that her husband doesn’t fill up her “love tank” and I went on a 20-minute rant wondering what she ever does to fill up his “love tank” although I doubt that he would have ever used such a stupid term and why do women feel entitled to all this special treatment from men when they don’t want to give anything back. Finally, I said, “I would never date a woman!” I guess it’s good that I don’t have to.
July 24th, 2009 at 2:13 pm
WOW!!!!! I must say I’m a female and this is a very good post! Where was it when I needed it! I realized for myself after the divorce, WHAT IS IT THAT I DID WRONG! LIfe is a two-way street! Sure, I would like to think he didn’t do this he didn’t do that. The truth of the matter is NEITHER DID I! On a female stand point I think we as “females” get so wrapped up on what your girlfriend is going to say or think or I’m a strong black female I can’t do that. The truth is we need to do it! A relationship is a give or take, not me taking all the time and not giving back! Hell, watching football is not that hard. Hell, if you were a “CHEERLEADER” in High School guess what sweetheart we watched the game! That’s how you knew when we were offense or defense! NO brainer! I’m not a basketball fan but I’ll sit and watch it! Only, if we just took a little bit of time to understand what our man wants to do I’m sure he will be happier!
Think about this for a minute……when was the last time you ask your man what he wanted to go see at the movies?
I’m out…..yes, this is coming from a single female….
July 31st, 2009 at 10:39 pm
Am I the only woman who thinks there is nothing wrong with being single. When women speak their mind and have high standards all you can say is “that’s why your single” like it’s some type of disease
August 7th, 2009 at 5:01 pm
Some food for thought:
Why is it that when men discuss their relationships, it sounds more like a buyer-possession relationship rather than an equal partnership between two human beings? Am I the only one who finds it disturbing that men can liken their experiences with women to buying cars, a cost-benefit analysis, trophies, and a flippin hourglass sand timer??
Overall, I appreciate the effort to give advice to women who are seeking long-term relationships. You made some good points. But then again, this is probably not even directed at women like me (limited experience, 19, NOT bitter, high self-esteem & standards, etc.) anyway.
August 16th, 2009 at 8:13 am
So – a man telling ladies why they can’t find a man. And what a surprise… it’s the woman’s fault!
Ladies and gentlemen, if you want a good relationship, then be kind, understanding and have self-esteem. There should be no difference in standards either way.
August 16th, 2009 at 8:24 am
And I’d just like to add that if you behave honorably, then if and when the relationship does break down (and everything ultimately does fall apart), then it will still have been time well spent.
Nobody has to PROVE that they are worth YOU. The opposite, in fact. You have to prove yourself someone worth being with, worthy of being alive. This is the TRUE game. Not a video game. So get off your asses!
September 19th, 2009 at 1:34 pm
Okay, first off, if you’re spending that much money trying to keep some trophy chick happy, there’s something wrong with YOU and the kind of woman YOU are chosing.
Secondly, for any man to bitch that women don’t cater his needs enough is fucking full of shit. The reality of today’s woman is that we go to work AND we take care of all the shit at home. We work JUST LIKE YOU and then we have to come home and cook and clean and take care of the kids and you wonder why we don’t “hit the gym” or want to have sex with you.
No wonder none of you fuck-knocks can keep a woman. Idiots.
September 24th, 2009 at 10:16 am
being gay is the best thing fuc this men
November 3rd, 2009 at 10:39 pm
This is a good read. Real talk. My man is spoiled rotten. He gets all of the above and more. Maybe thats why he won’t let me out his eyesite. We are the best of friends.
November 9th, 2009 at 9:19 am
It’s like you took my thoughts and put them on paper. I actually did run a money/time calculation on my previous relationship before it ended and realized I was indeed dropping a good $400 monthly — so you got it worked out down to the math.
The cost/benefit analysis didn’t work out in her favor. She and I are still friends (largely because she doesn’t know that our relationship was a victim of a mathematical equation), but the difference between us going out and not equated to more free time and $400 more in my account monthly.
Not a hard choice.
November 11th, 2009 at 1:45 am
To the man who posted this:
I go to a college where there ARE no men like you.
What you said sounds like the perfect man, and I guarantee, when women say they are looking for a “good m”, they are looking for men LIKE YOU.
women are complaining of men that cheat on them, hit them, LIE, dont even spend TIME with them (aka no-relationship at all)
the men are complaining about…. holding ur purse for you. not cooking. not rubbing feet.
Men, lets imagine for a second that it was your girlfriend that was cheating on you numerous times, lying to you, refused to see you for weeks then turned it on you and called you needy, LIED to you, abused you, then took your money.
I dont mess with “thug types”. I stay single for months/years, because I refuse to do that to myself. Therefore… I cant FIND a good man.
And I don’t pre-judge. I stay friends with these guys. But goodness knows, I wont date them.
I found a guy who doesn’t spend hundreds on me or take me out all the time. But he loves me more than I deserve (yes I am flawed) and he treats me like a queen beyond his means, everyday. And I appreciate and love him for it. You know what that means? I found a good one. And you know how it happened? He said he cared about me so much when he met me, he felt angry when people would try to treat me like “them other h**s, as men often treat women whether they are hoes, or beautiful souls” and he said he wanted to be that guy for me so I would never have to experience that mean type of treatment again. He is so rare, I tell him every day how lucky and blessed I am to have him.
I feel for my sisters though (all races)
You say that it’s our fault if we’re messing with “thug types” thinking we can change them.
It’s your fault if you’re messing with “hood rats” who whine and are ungrateful.
When we’re single at 30, a lot of you are single at 30 too.
There are a lot of foul men, more than there are foul women. A man will change for that one soul mate of his.
however, don’t think that 50% of this world (women) are so dumb that they complain for no reason. Listen to their complaints instead of thinking we are ALL complaining about them “watching too much sports”. We complain for a valid problem.
i’ve never heard any of my friends in my life complaining that “he doesn’t take me out” or “he plays too much xbox”.
it’s usually “i found another used condom in his pocket. but he said it’s his brother’s. what do i do?”
men – we’re losing hope in y’all. don’t leave us women so hurt.
November 11th, 2009 at 2:02 am
p.s.
it is true…
a man can find a woman who is educated (or at least good/pure hearted), has her own belongings therefore isnt trying to make him spend on her like some sugar daddy. He could even be the first guys she has ever been with.
Adn for some reason, before things can even go bad in the relationship… he’s alredy treating her like trash. and it happens a lot. more single mothers than fathers in this world, my people, do you hear me.
November 28th, 2009 at 4:20 am
Has anyone heard of the advice that you give 70% and expect 30% in return? If both partners follow that rule there should be no problem, should there? And it is totally true that women need to do more than “give up the cookies” in order to make a relationship work.
P.S. Idiocracy is doing the same thing over and over again expecting to get different results… this applies to relationships as well. If what you have been doing never worked, do what he says and switch it up! Cause whether we like it or not love is the reason for living. Without love you have and are nothing. Celebrities aren’t anyone without their fans. And if a tree falls in a forest and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound? Yes, but it doesn’t matter does it? Men aren’t asking us to sell our souls OR be their slaves. Just to show that you care enough about them to spoil them sometimes. And if you know your love is good and you aim to please, you will only date those who hold your standards of love. Who are willing to go the mile only if they could find someone to do the same for them. That’s all. (I’m 18 and just trying to learn from other’s mistakes).
November 28th, 2009 at 4:21 am
Am I wrong?
December 11th, 2009 at 3:32 pm
OK guys vs gals; gals vs guys. Here it is simple. Expectations, what are each others expectations. People change, wants change. And here’s what one unfaithful man told me. “What you women don’t want to understand is that a man was born to cheat, not just one woman for me!” But here’s what Sophie Tucker said: “I’m a one ticket gal, I’m free as a breeze. When I leave my apartment I take all MY keys. I’m living alone and I like it!” I’ve notice some modern women, want to treat their men like their kids. Horrific! Some men wanted to be treated like little boys. Some women have no consideration for their men and men don’t have consideration for their woman. Some women are a bunch of cry babies who want to be pampered and adores; some men want to be free and left to their own abandonment. Some people, both men and women are too needy or self-absorbed. Some men have wonderful wives and don’t value them and the same for some women. I read this book from a guy who served in Iraq. He speaks of a bombing incident that left two of his buddies dead in the humvie they were riding in. He writes of the horrible scene, brains, blood, body parts he had to help clean up. He calls his wife and of course asks her how her day was. She starts this litany of how horrible her day was; the dog pooped all over the place, etc, etc. Not once did she ask how his day had gone. After listening to her all he could say was goodbye, call you later. And this is a perfect example of how consideration is lacking. And, I hope it wll open the minds of those who have a husband, boyfriend lover over there. Personally I think Consideration is love.
December 23rd, 2009 at 4:02 pm
I think you nailed it with that “cost benefit analysis” lol
Now to read what you had to say about us Men.
January 12th, 2010 at 1:07 pm
I couldn’t agree with this article more. I am a very independent woman, and I do not feel the “need” to have a man. However, was able to keep the man I “wanted” by doing the things mentoned above. My man loves football, shit I googled it, and now we debate the games on Sunday and Monday. LOL. He still trips out when we are watching a game and I actually know the players names and positions they play. It’s not about changing your world it’s about sharing in eachothers. Yes, I have the couple of loud mouth opinionated gf’s who talk shit and say “you actually watch that shit?” e Or I can’t believe you have all them n%$$a’s in your house on Sunday tearing shit up! The reality is 4 out of 5 of them are single and the other is in a very unhealthy relationship.
Bottom line if you want to keep him around, get interested in the things he likes. And, neverrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr listen to a gf no matter how much you love her if her shit is all fucked up!! People envy a good thing…Remember that!
January 26th, 2010 at 11:16 am
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January 26th, 2010 at 1:26 pm
But what about the women who do none of this and still have lots of love in their life? How do you explain that?
I understand the thesis that if a woman wants to attract and keep a man of quality that she needs to be willing to do her part to make the relationship as fun, engaging and passionate for a man to refuse to leave. But this post ignores the women who are relationship slackers yet never moan about not being able to keep a man.
I think it’s difficult to apply a one size fits all fix to what’s happening between men and women. I do think that a lot of women of all races need to face up to the fact that enhancing their lives independent of a relationship should be a priority.
But there’s not a lot of money to be made in that, I guess.
January 26th, 2010 at 2:59 pm
True, there are women that seem to always get a good man and do none of this. But that’s like anything else in life. There are people that get by day in and day out slacking off in their lives but come out fiscally on top. But nobody mentions them because they are anomalies. That’s not how you live your life, based off of the exceptions to the rules. The fact is, most of us have to put work into our relationships.
January 27th, 2010 at 12:01 pm
The fact is, most of us have to put work into our relationships.
yes for the lucky anomalies who can be slackers yet get the love they require in relationships — no one need address that. as a matter of fact they need no books or advice. There’s no money to be made from them.
but for the rest who have to put work into a relationship–
should that division be determined by gender or by requirements?
i think women get a lot of stuff dumped on them about what they are doing wrong to maintain healthy, emotionally satisfying reciprocal relationships. I don’t know why that is but I feel it’s crazy making pressure cooker of expectations and disappointment. Instead of why you can’t find/keep a good man — I wish there was more messages that said to women: value yourself whether or not you are coupled up.
that way men don’t have to date women who are seeking out men to validate their existence and women don’t have to compromise on what they expect to give in a relationship.
January 27th, 2010 at 12:17 pm
The reason why people, particularly men, dump on women about what they aren’t doing in relationships is that women are always complaining about their failed relationships….and pointing the finger at men. My whole point is, a failed relationship is the fault of 2 people…the 2 people in that relationship. And if you are constantly in failed relationship, the problem might be you. Now that goes for both men & women, but most men understand that.
And you’re absolutely right, if more women valued themselves when they were single, relationships would be better (same for the men as well).
February 24th, 2010 at 9:39 pm
No wonder you never invite me over here… you got “No Ma’am” meetings going lolll
March 14th, 2010 at 5:25 pm
Some of this makes sense. I am only 22 yrs old and have more sense than older women when it comes to relationships. It is annoying to hear some women complain about never being able to find a good man b/c it is always the same type of women—the loud, crude obnoxious woman that no decent man will put up with. And, they are usually the ones that go after the men they know aren’t any good. Ex. If a man is cheating with you on his gf, please don’t be surprised or bitch when he do it to you. I have too many friends like this and it is annoying as hell. Some people are just too stupid to be in relationships. If every person you meet is a loser, then may–just maybe, the problem is you.
The only problem I have about this article is the fact that you say ALL men all simple creatures. Bullshit. Nobody on here can speak for all men or women. You can only speak about yourselves and people you have encountered. This is not a man’s issue. There are plenty of men that complain about finding a good woman failing to realize they are the problem. I have met my share of complicated, downright difficult men. Some men bitch and moan about stupid shit just as much as some females. The very first bf I had was the male version of the females we are talking about. He was jealous, emotionally needed, and controlling. When I get back to my dorm, the last thing I want is to be attacked with a million and one questions about nothing.
I don’t find this article or the writer to be any different than the male bashing articles I have read that were written by females. And, please don’t for one second fool yourself into thinking otherwise. All you have to do is replace man with woman and there you go. It’s ridiculous. This type of male chauvism is no different than feminism. I find both extremely annoying and do my best to avoid them at all cost. It is beyond annoying when people get on the internet thinking they are speaking for an entire race and/or gender. You aren’t; you are speaking for you and only you.
And, it is so naïve to think doing those simple things is all it takes to make a relationship work. Relationships are HARD and it is going to take a little bit more than cooking, playing video games and exercise to make it last. *sigh*
March 14th, 2010 at 5:37 pm
Actually, I’ve written the same things about men.
http://theinsanityreport.com/home/index.php/2009/04/23/random-thoughts/men-why-we-cant-keepfind-a-good-woman/
The truth is…relationships are easy. People, men & women make it hard by not following common sense. If the man you’re with is controlling and bitchy, leave. It’s that simple. By staying in a similar situation, not communicating or not trying things different there’s no wonder relationships don’t work out. This isn’t about “woman bashing” it’s about bashing people that sit around and bitch about their lack of relationship success when the common denominator in the equation is themselves.
March 14th, 2010 at 7:33 pm
Kriss, relationships are easy when you find someone you are compatible with. But, even then, it is still hard. When I say hard, I mean in a sense that you constantly have to work at it. A lot of marriages/relationships fail b/c people get too comfortable with each other. They stop doing the things they did to make their partner fall for them. And, you can’t let that happen. Keep yourself up and never let the romance die. And, I guess even that can be easy if you don’t look at it as work. But, like I said before, some people are too stupid to be in relationships…stupid people lack common sense. I mean, you should hear some of my friends talk about their ‘ideal’ guy. ‘My man has to be a kappa, tall, light/dark skin, a doctor, blah blah blah.’ Do you see the problem here? They look for all the wrong things when it comes to finding a potential mate and still can’t figure out why they are not good in relationships. In the same breath, I have male friends that are the same—too wrapped up in themselves to know or care about anybody’s needs but their own.
March 15th, 2010 at 6:52 pm
The idea for this article is really good b/c I have plenty of dumb female friends like this. But, it is written poorly. You sound just like the ‘bitter bitches’ who never see their faults in a relationship. ‘Oh, if any relationship of mine go south, it is automatically the woman’s fault because I am such a simple creature that require simple things.’ Are you kidding me? YOU are a ’simple creature’, not all men and I know that from experience. All you are doing is using propaganda to influence the way people think and see relationships. This drivel can hurt more people than it help, especially if they are dumb enough to believe it. Have you even been in a relationship? I have been in one for 5 yrs and it is far from easy. We work hard to make sure we are both happy and our needs are being met. Ask any happily married couple and they will tell you.
March 15th, 2010 at 8:52 pm
For the last gotdamn time. Relationships are easy. People just don’t want to put the work in them to make them work. Men and women both know what they need to do…instead we ignore it. Again…I SAID THE SAME FUCKING SHIT ABOUT MEN. But I’m bitter. Right. Come on people. Reading comprehension. If you’re not one of these women walking around talking about how ‘you can’t find a good man’ then guess what…THIS ISN’T TALKING ABOUT YOU.
March 16th, 2010 at 8:36 pm
Kriss you think like I do. I’m definitely cosigning this entire blog. You got facebook?
April 5th, 2010 at 2:27 pm
Yeah, men are so simple. My last boyfriend must have been the exception to that rule. LOL. And, I guarantee all the men that have been dumped or cheated on won’t admit they played any part in the downfall of their relationship. I also wonder if one of your friends come to you bitching about his girl doing this or that if you would have any qualms about telling him his problem. Something tells me you won’t. Despite what you have been told or choose to believe, men are just as bitter as women. But, they want to act as if only women sit around complaining about men.
August 24th, 2010 at 4:36 am
Gabrielle……..The problem lies here in your comment
“No classy girl in the year 2009 onwards, who has preserved herself (refuses to have kids outside marriage), got a good job,takes pride in her appearance (gym, yoga or dieting)and has her own car and house, can ever contemplate trying to please a man of a lesser standard.
Let’s face it there are many of you expecting to be treated like kings but have nothing but baggage to offer”.
Now I’m calling Bullshit on that one because for every one brotha who fits this stereotype there’s three, four times as many who haven’t fallen into this trap and yet you still place them in the “lesser standard catagory”
I give you credit for getting your life in order but because women like you overlooked the “lesser” men is why we started dating outside of our race to begin with. you “getting your shit together” at first gave you confidence but over time it also made you arrogant and unapproachable men can spot that like a 300 meter target.