“I hate my job.” Those are words that we’ve all either uttered to ourselves or heard someone utter. It’s completely understandable considering most of us spend a good portion of our waking hours during the week at work. That kind of time in one place doing what usually ends up being something monotonous is enough to drive a sane person crazy. I’ve come to the realization that I don’t hate my job but I hate the corporate working world as a whole. I’ve realized that the corporate world is full of idiots and quite frankly, I am deathly allergic to low intelligent mofos or those with the common sense of a retarded kangaroo. Normally I would just ignore stupid people and those with low levels of common sense or make fun of them. However, in a corporate environment I can’t do any of that because unfortunately my success and the success of my work depends on them. Remember that asshole that used to sit in the back of the classroom and fall asleep? Or the ones that only showed up to class for tests (and didn’t know what was going to be on the test) or to turn in their copied homework? You know, the general idiots that slid their way to a degree in College, barely obtaining the GPA required to graduate? Well, all those idiots work in the corporate world now. Even worse, they work with you and getting your job done is dependent on them. Contrary to popular belief, it’s actually pretty difficult to get fired. Incompetence is listed as a criteria for getting fired but it is rarely used. I’ve mentioned it before but one of my clients is a budget analyst and she has no idea how to use Excel. When she wants to sum up columns, she breaks out a calculator. It takes her an hour to do a job that takes 15 minutes at the most. Instead of telling the client that this lady needs to either be forced to take some classes to learn Excel or be fired, the people on my project just keep avoiding it because they don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings. This is a regular occurrence. As a matter of fact, incompetence/inefficiency is usually rewarded. My boss at my last job was so incredibly incompetent, they kept promoting him “up and out.” So every time he fucked up a project and pissed off the people he was in charge of, they gave him a raise and a new position. You gotta love that logic.
Apparently lack of efficiency isn’t caused by incompetence because if it was, a lot of people would be standing in the unemployment line. It makes no sense that I can dick around on Facebook, write a post, stare off into space and take 2 hour lunches and still get more accomplished than some people that work 10 hour days. WTF is that?
And it’s not just the idiots that are now in the corporate world. That fool that used to ask pointless questions in class, making everyone stay longer is in the corporate world to. They now are the bane of everyone’s existence by scheduling meetings after 2 pm on Fridays, asking dumb questions in meetings that turn half hour long meetings into two hour torture sessions that make you want to remove your own eyeballs with a ballpoint. Seriously, I had to deal with this last week. During my pointless meeting on Thursday, it was so frustrating that in order to occupy my time, I started thinking about how many different ways I could murder everyone in the room with a Sharpie. The resulting list was incredibly gruesome so I’ll save you the details. Let me just say that if the FBI knew what I was thinking about doing with my BIC, pens and pencils would be added to the list of items banned on airplanes. I’ve said it before but it’s worth another mention. Meetings suck my soul out. They are usually way too long, completely useless and always result in more meetings. Last week I had a pre-meeting meeting that lasted longer than the meeting itself. Seriously, 5 hours of pre-meeting, then a 2 hour meeting…7 hours total meeting. And the icing on the cake is…we accomplished nothing. Well, that’s a lie, we got an agreement for 2 more meetings after it. How wonderful.
Remember the fool that used to dominate the class time by not only asking stupid questions but by dragging the professor into a completely pointless discussion about something completely unrelated to the subject matter? Well, of course, that person is in the corporate world as well. Sadly, to make matters worse, that person is usually in some type of authoritative position so telling them to “shut the fuck up” isn’t really an option. My boss is a “meeting dominator.” If he’s going to be at a meeting I automatically add a hour to the stated end time of the meeting. He’s a really smart guy but I think he has orgasms from hearing himself talk. He’s a very technical guy (like me) and so if I have a hard time following what he is saying, what chances do the idiots we meet with have? Remember, some of them consider Excel a complicated tool to use.
So I’m just not built for this. It’s a good experience because each and every day it motivates me to start working towards going out on my own. But still, I need to get out soon or I’m going to kill someone. I now understand why some people go “postal” at work.
I thought I had it bad here in college…smh. Is there anyway you can get out of the meetings? Maybe faking gas or saying you to work during the meeting time to finish work?
so that’s where you’ve been hiding: meetings. LOL
See, you think you’re smart by trying to get out of a meeting. WRONG!!! That just leads to more "follow up" meetings to make sure you are properly briefed. That probably results in 2 more meetings. LOL
Leah, yes, I’ve been hiding in meetings. It keeps me away from my computer and from writing. When I finally get out I’m usually either too tired or too mad and frustrated to write.
Amen!
That was the truest, funniest and saddest thing I have ever read! I have said those exact words for years and it is great to find kindred spirits out there! Good luck brother, please post the answer to freedom if you ever find it.
Wow this is exactly what I think. Except that during meetings I just zone out and my boss is a control freak. Btw I am also getting out of this crap hole ASAP.
Best Regards!
We have to come together and find a way where we can create a service, charge money, live off of it but eliminate all the bullshit. I don’t understand how people can live like this everyday! It’s insane.
I think Corporate America might be worse because of the “don’t offend” rule (aka don’t be honest rule) and the sheer number of competitive idiots who flock to this country thinking there’s a pot of goal at the end of baggage check. Wake up!
These competitive types think that the ultimate goal is to compete even though the prize at the rainbow is shame in this life, and a place of honor next to Sadaam Hussein in hell after wards. These people also go to Bschool. They are unbearable paper chasing idiots whom, if they take some time to stop and think, would realize that their 120K loan that goes to pay for an MBA is actually a really expensive piece of paper as a ticket again to hell in this life ( a cubicle or a room and a VPN connection).
How to get out of it? I am still cracking my head…..but I think the effort is well worth it.
Good article. I left the corporate world to be a chef and have to say that the corporate world is a bit of a joke. After working within a number of major companies for 23 years in Mining & Engineering as top level management, I moved into consultancy. I got paid 200k plus to write reports and have long lunches in the end. Quite often we would have meetings that went on for hours but nothing happened and we would meet again in a few weeks for a “business lunch”. I’d work from 6am to 6:30-7pm and that would be it.
Now, in comparison, I work 16-20 hour days six days a week. The kitchen is hot (up to 130 fahrenheit), and it by far the most stressful thing I have ever done. Slinging 50 litre stockpots on and off a stove all day is hard going. Peeling a 20kg bag of onions is torture. In an hour. The pressure of service is insane. There is another apprentice with me who is also a career changer who was once a cardiovascular surgeon. He says it is almost the same pressure as surgery and at times even more stressful. Which shocked me. All for what ends up being about $5 an hour.
Sure you may have to work a long day at the office and even do similar hours but nothing compares to being a chef.
Maybe you should make your way out of the entry level of the corporate world. You think you are smart but you are far from It buddy
What’s your problem?
The issue of Greed within a corporate work place – why is there no place for morals in today’s society?
I will be the first to admit, that I do not accept change with open arms unless that change is justified to help improve the level of service that we can offer to a customer.
Nevertheless, I find it increasingly frustrating that decisions made by my superiors and by their superiors and so on and so fourth aren’t given enough depth of thought with regards to the effect it has on the people who keep a business alive.
It never seems that any consideration, ok maybe the slightest bit is given to the people who are told ‘DO NOT LET CHANGES AFFECT THE SERVICE YOU PROVIDE’.
The same old question seems to pop into my mind, “how are we supposed to offer the same service when the tools we are given and rely on are at best, appalling?”
We have recently had a new phone system put in place and have been told ‘There will be no difference to the old phones, its just cheaper for the company as we can now call inter-site for free’
Now this, I agree, is a great idea – in theory. I personally feel we have been lied to and are MADE to adapt the way we work to try and fit in with this new, second rate phone system. Absolutely no consideration seems to have been given to colleagues or customers. The only thing the bank has seen is the ££££ flashing infront of their eyes. At no point, has someone gone…well does this system work and give the same functionality as the previous system? Are we able to call inter-department, are we able to carry on with business as usual? The plain and simple fact of the matter is we are not. And the people who have to suffer the brunt of this is the staff who have to speak with customers on a daily basis.
I feel so frustrated that the responsibility of keeping customers happy is put in our hands, whilst management and above sit back and tell us ‘its being looked into’ – why the hell should we have to put up with this? Why weren’t these issues sorted before going live with this new system? Now I know it doesn’t effect every person who answers the phone, but as someone who does on a daily basis. I can honest say this new system is terrible. When asking if we can resolve some of the issues, we have been told that there is a fix, the company knows there is a fix, but they aren’t prepared to spend the money to put this into place. Hmmmm…what a surprise they are putting the money aspect first. Now if we told our customers about this, do you think they would want to use our service? Surely they have the right to know that we as a business primarily care about money. Now I know this is fairly obvious as it is the job of a business to make money. But, why do we keep getting fed this BS about customers matter and so do you – the staff. We get fed this to try and make us shut up and get on with our jobs – well as someone who isn’t money motivated and who comes to work to offer their customers the best service they can. This is just stupid. Absolutely no common sense is applied. If there wasn’t a resolve. Then why go with this option, but if there is a resolve. Then put it in place. For fucks sake, we have just received over £20 million back from the tax man. Surely 5 percent of this can be spared to ensure the service that is promised to customers is upheld? I guess not. Especially as it will only go back to shareholders (who weren’t expecting this in the first place, surely this money should be utilised to help build the business???)
Another stupid issue, one of our systems is being turned off and is effecting the way I for one have to work. Everything is to be done manually. And I can tell you why. The bods at the top of the food chain have written a plan and have no consideration for us workers. Why not do the system switch off which is taking 3 days over the bank holiday weekend? I can tell you why not, coz this would mean applying common sense, so that no-one is effected. Plus it means that the company, instead of rushing everything through would have had 3 more weeks to get everything sorted. Ah well, as every one knows this will fall upon deaf ears.
Breath in, Breath out.
It’s just like I’m listening to my toughts
What I hate about the corporate world is, if you and some work mates are given a paid vacation to somewhere to have fun for your great work, the truth is you can’t have fun. Meaning, you can’t laugh too much and you have to laugh a certain way (Like you have a stick up your butt and you’re pretending it tickles), laugh at all the boss’ jokes no matter how pointless or dry it comes across and yes they will always involve how they’re company is greater than competition (yes unfortunately the bosses are there too). You like a glass of wine or champagne? Well you can’t have a glass cus it looks bad, people will think you’re an alcoholic, you have to drink 1/4 of a glass. You just want a small coffee? You can’t say it that way, you sound too low and uneducated, instead you have to call it some cool sounding name and you have to get it right the first time around and have it like the boss has it… You can’t walk a certain way, sit a certain way, you have to wear a grandma bathing suit, cus it’s inappropriate to show NORMAL lvl’s of skin for swimming in the corporate world, you have to wear a full length dress with long sleeves to swim …an exaggeration but this is how I felt……. ugh! I say this because I was invited by a relative on one of these and it felt like I was caged up in this rigid ambiance of uber professionalism WHILE ON VACATION. And of course your own relative is constantly reminding you “not to embarrass them”. So you not only feel like they all hate you for being the free spirit they can’t be, but your own loved one is ashamed of you… never again ….I was never invited again, but I’m glad I wasn’t, toward the end of the trip I made it a point to mess my chances up. I’m happy owning my own business, no one working under me, working till 5, leaving work in it’s place.
Wow. I was gonna ask if we work for the same company but sadly, this happens everywhere. It’s even worse in a law firm. It’s a plantation of sorts. What you said about incompetence is so true. I’ve had a legal secretary tell me that if it werent for her, I wouldn’t have a job. She was right in that if she had basic MS Office skills, or any computer skills for that matter, they wouldn’t need an entire department to handle it. And shes far from the only one. Mind you, legal secretaries pull down 60-80 k. For what? Getting coffee, filing, and keeping the wife from knowing about the mistress.
I would want to work for the person who wrote this ’cause you sound like a jerk and like someone who’s so full of himself
Sorry I meant I wouldn’t not I would
I totally agree with this article. The majority of people working in the straight-laced business world are a bunch of incompetent, envious, jealous types who need to backstab others in order to get ahead.
I totally agree with this article. The majority of people who enjoy the corporate business world are sexually frigid, anal-retentive losers and sheeple who are losers.
I want to say that I think your are 100% correct about the corporate world. I worked a cubicle job for 8 months waiting for someone to shiv me in the kidney. Computer science was always my passion, but the problem with being a bright person is that you don’t care about money as much as other people do. So if you screw around in life, you eventually have to take what you can get.
I’ve learned something about corporate jobs though. They have excellent plans for something, but the parts to the machine (employees) have to be dense enough to have chosen to be a business major. That USUALLY means that they are avoiding taking real responsibility in life though actually knowing something, by choosing the quick and easy major that promises the word “success”. Ironically they are natural followers and only wait for someone to lead. You can’t complete any project with a machine part that specializes in “success”. They know what the word means but they don’t have a clue how to get there without leeching off of someone smarter than themselves. The problem is they’re all pretty dense, so where does the smarter person fit in? lol. So you have a part of a machine, that needs another part of a machine to function – like a screwdriver that can’t work without a hammer. No one really knows how to do anything, because everyone specializes in “success”.
There is a solution though: (1) Realize that none of these people are really going to do anything in life. You won’t find many diamonds in the rough. (2) The Machine does work with pieces that know what they are doing. I’ve created my own company that buys real estate, buys businesses, produces computer software, and manufactures things from raw material. How do I make it work? It has 1 employee, and 500 Third-party service providers. I don’t hire any employees. I outsource contracted work. If the work history is good, you deliver quality, and you deliver on time you have a job. And I’ll pay you 10%+ above what you would receive at a corporation. This way I get to travel, do my own financial modeling, and put together my own projects with others by building a system that makes it all efficient. I don’t trust anyone do do something until they have done it, have references, and work on an as needed basis. I want them to know that I’m paying them for what they know, not how expensive their suits are or how many children they have to support.
Just a thought.
PS – I consider myself a pretty bright guy and I think it’s better for someone to be aware of themselves, so I’ll tell you a secret about yourself. Wanting to complete something that doesn’t matter much anyways; Complaining about how things are instead of how you can change them; Focusing on something that just is, and asking why it doesn’t change (saying ” someones stupid, why don’t they become smarter” is like saying “that apple is red, why doesn’t it change to yellow, I hate that apple for being red”). All these things don’t make me think you’re smarter than they are. It makes me think you’re oblivious to your surroundings. “Dumbing it down”: Because you don’t accept a thing for what it is, learn something, and moving to the next level…you may not have a “next level”….You may still be there doing the same thing, and complaining about the same people (2008 article), and I don’t think you’re going to go very farther than that desk. Good Luck.