“I hate my job.” Those are words that we’ve all either uttered to ourselves or heard someone utter. It’s completely understandable considering most of us spend a good portion of our waking hours during the week at work. That kind of time in one place doing what usually ends up being something monotonous is enough to drive a sane person crazy. I’ve come to the realization that I don’t hate my job but I hate the corporate working world as a whole. I’ve realized that the corporate world is full of idiots and quite frankly, I am deathly allergic to low intelligent mofos or those with the common sense of a retarded kangaroo. Normally I would just ignore stupid people and those with low levels of common sense or make fun of them. However, in a corporate environment I can’t do any of that because unfortunately my success and the success of my work depends on them. Remember that asshole that used to sit in the back of the classroom and fall asleep? Or the ones that only showed up to class for tests (and didn’t know what was going to be on the test) or to turn in their copied homework? You know, the general idiots that slid their way to a degree in College, barely obtaining the GPA required to graduate? Well, all those idiots work in the corporate world now. Even worse, they work with you and getting your job done is dependent on them. Contrary to popular belief, it’s actually pretty difficult to get fired. Incompetence is listed as a criteria for getting fired but it is rarely used. I’ve mentioned it before but one of my clients is a budget analyst and she has no idea how to use Excel. When she wants to sum up columns, she breaks out a calculator. It takes her an hour to do a job that takes 15 minutes at the most. Instead of telling the client that this lady needs to either be forced to take some classes to learn Excel or be fired, the people on my project just keep avoiding it because they don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings. This is a regular occurrence. As a matter of fact, incompetence/inefficiency is usually rewarded. My boss at my last job was so incredibly incompetent, they kept promoting him “up and out.” So every time he fucked up a project and pissed off the people he was in charge of, they gave him a raise and a new position. You gotta love that logic.
Apparently lack of efficiency isn’t caused by incompetence because if it was, a lot of people would be standing in the unemployment line. It makes no sense that I can dick around on Facebook, write a post, stare off into space and take 2 hour lunches and still get more accomplished than some people that work 10 hour days. WTF is that?
And it’s not just the idiots that are now in the corporate world. That fool that used to ask pointless questions in class, making everyone stay longer is in the corporate world to. They now are the bane of everyone’s existence by scheduling meetings after 2 pm on Fridays, asking dumb questions in meetings that turn half hour long meetings into two hour torture sessions that make you want to remove your own eyeballs with a ballpoint. Seriously, I had to deal with this last week. During my pointless meeting on Thursday, it was so frustrating that in order to occupy my time, I started thinking about how many different ways I could murder everyone in the room with a Sharpie. The resulting list was incredibly gruesome so I’ll save you the details. Let me just say that if the FBI knew what I was thinking about doing with my BIC, pens and pencils would be added to the list of items banned on airplanes. I’ve said it before but it’s worth another mention. Meetings suck my soul out. They are usually way too long, completely useless and always result in more meetings. Last week I had a pre-meeting meeting that lasted longer than the meeting itself. Seriously, 5 hours of pre-meeting, then a 2 hour meeting…7 hours total meeting. And the icing on the cake is…we accomplished nothing. Well, that’s a lie, we got an agreement for 2 more meetings after it. How wonderful.
Remember the fool that used to dominate the class time by not only asking stupid questions but by dragging the professor into a completely pointless discussion about something completely unrelated to the subject matter? Well, of course, that person is in the corporate world as well. Sadly, to make matters worse, that person is usually in some type of authoritative position so telling them to “shut the fuck up” isn’t really an option. My boss is a “meeting dominator.” If he’s going to be at a meeting I automatically add a hour to the stated end time of the meeting. He’s a really smart guy but I think he has orgasms from hearing himself talk. He’s a very technical guy (like me) and so if I have a hard time following what he is saying, what chances do the idiots we meet with have? Remember, some of them consider Excel a complicated tool to use.
So I’m just not built for this. It’s a good experience because each and every day it motivates me to start working towards going out on my own. But still, I need to get out soon or I’m going to kill someone. I now understand why some people go “postal” at work.