You know the damage one ignorant Negro can do? We were in France in the first war; we’d won decorations. But the white boys had told all them French gals that we had tails. Then they found this ignorant colored soldier, paid him to tie a tail to his ass and run around half-naked, making monkey sounds. Put him on the big round table in the Cafe Napoleon, put a reed in his hand, crown on his head, blanket on his shoulders, and made him eat *bananas* in front of all them Frenchies. Oh, how the white boys danced that night… passed out leaflets with that boy’s picture on it. Called him Moonshine, King of the Monkeys.
And when we slit his throat, you know that fool asked us what he had done wrong? – Master Sergeant Vernon Waters, A Soldier’s Story

10. It’s Not Real Stepping - I’m willing to bet a month’s salary that within 2 – 3 years, step shows will become nothing more than glorified dance competitions as a result of this movie. It used to be that step shows were about ‘Stepping’. Going out on the stage and stepping hard and precise was enough to win a step show. Then fuckers started using props (because they were soft footed and imprecise). Then they started trying to soften up the judges by using a kid. Then there’s the ‘Tribute step’ (just admit it, you were either too lazy or too uncreative to create your own steps). The most disturbing trend is the ‘grind the air, hump the ground and stick your tongue out of your mouth’ in the hopes of driving all the slores (slutty whores) wild. Fuckers are going to go see this movie and think ‘pop-locking’ is stepping. I know what happened. The screenwriters for this movie probably had it originally show real stepping. But the white Sony executives didn’t understand the concept of stepping, so they thought it was ‘urban hip hop dancing’ and well….you see the result.

9. No Real Fraternities/Sororities – I blame the heads of each Divine Nine organization for this. They were more interested in suing because of trademark violations than anything else. Of course as soon ass lucrative donations were made to certain Foundations (MLK Memorial anyone???) and trademarks were ‘removed’ the lawsuits were dropped. I believe if they worked with Sony, maybe this street dancing crap wouldn’t have made it in. What these old farts that run these orgs don’t understand is that your normal person doesn’t know the difference between an Alpha and a Que, or an AKA and a Delta. So even though you took the ‘Alpha’ off the shirts, people are still going to associate the organization with what is going on the screen.

8. It’s a Typical ‘Black Movie’ – Gang activity….CHECK. HBCU…CHECK. Modern day minstrel show…CHECK. Trying to imply a deeper meaning and positive message in a crappy way…CHECK. Ding ding ding. We have us a typical black movie. Come on. How many of these do we have to go through? It’s like people have a generic list of how to make a cheesy, sucky black movie, and then call up the same list of B-level actors and actresses. Really, has Meagan Good done anything outside of sucky black movies?

7. It’s Going to Suck – Don’t be that way. I know right now you’re getting all defensive and thinking of some way to defend this statement, but deep down in your heart you know I’m right. You know it. I know it. The actors and actresses in the movie know it. The Sony Execs know it. I knew it would suck when I viewed the trailer and saw that ridiculous move that would make the creators of ‘Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon’ say ‘See, now that shit is just too unrealistic.’ You know the move. It’s where one of the dudes kinda like skates across the floor on his head and just sorta freezes there. What in the fuck was that?

6. Exaggerations That Don’t Make Sense - I didn’t know step shows had ‘step offs’ between teams. What is the purpose of that? Why does Hollywood feel the need to do stupid shit like that? They do the same thing with computers and technology. When someone is ‘hacking’ a computer, they for some reason try to visualize it with big floating 1’s and 0’s. Have these fuckers ever been to a step show? There’s enough energy going that they don’t need to do stupid shit and try to make it ‘better’.

5. I Already Know How It Will End - The main character’s team wins. He gets the girl. That much can be seen from the trailer. Knowing that…what else is there to the movie? Now there are a lot of movies that you can see even though you know the end. I knew King Kong was going to bite it at the end, but I could still watch it. But because of the 5 reasons (and more) above this one, this is not one of those movies.

4. GDI’s Are Going to Think That’s What Fraternities/Sororities Are For - We are service organizations…not party throwing, party hopping losers. I have a hard enough time explaining that to interests now, and this movie will not help. The quote and picture for this post are appropriate. People that don’t know any better will take what they see and think that it is an accurate representation.

3 – 1. Chris Brown and Ne-Yo Are In the Movie – I don’t care how short Chris Brown’s scenes are. I don’t care how decent Ne-Yo is in this movie. They’re not actors. Contrary to popular belief Hip Hop artists do not make good actors. Mos Def and Will Smith are the only good ones that come to my mind. Playing a buffoon or a gangsta doesn’t count (Sorry Cube). Alisha Keys might be good in Smoking Aces, but I’ll reserve judgment. When I see a person with a musical career in a movie, I take it as an insult. Why? Because, what the movie producers are basically saying is ‘We can attract dumb people to this movie just because this person is popular.’ I heard Dreamgirls is a good movie (Fuck no, I won’t see it). But how many people are going to see it just because of Beyonce’s non-singing, non-acting ass (See: Carmen: A Hip Hopera, Pink Panther & Austin Powers 3)? I will say that reading that Chris dies from a brick to the head is almost enough to make me want to sneak in for that scene alone. But then I remembered…that’s what YouTube is for.

For anyone that wants to know why I’m so hard on this movie and why I won’t support it, you have to understand where I’m coming from. I’ll turn your attention to 1995 and 1997 respectfully. In 1995, Joel Schumacher directed ‘Batman Forever’. According to Box Office numbers, the movie was a success. But as a fan, that shit was the beginning of the end. That was the movie that introduced the one thing that killed the Batman franchise for damn near 8 years: Nipples on the Batsuit. That movie had glowing neon lights on the batmobile. People still went out to see it. So the big movie execs thought it would be cool to make a sequel. Batman & Robin is probably the worse movie every created. Nipples on the batsuit. Flashing Batman’s ass to the audience. Who could forget that stupid ass scene with the ‘Bat-credit card’. That movie single-handedly destroyed careers. Seriously, when’s the last time you heard from Alicia Silverstone or Chris O’Donnell? Uma Thurman should be thankfully that Tarantino’s script called for a skinny, damn near anorexic white bitch, or she’d still be standing in the unemployment line too. Those movies were so bad that I think they eventually lead to the dude that played Alfred’s death. What I’m saying is that by supporting crap, you lead the producers of crap think that their crap is actually good. In the end, we all end up losing. So please, when Stomp the Yard comes out…stay home. Read a book. Fuck your significant other. Do anything but support this crap.